"Fake"tionships

"Fake"tionships or fake relationships. Has nothing to do with outside people looking in, trying to throw dirt on their names, or anything that could stir up what's already fucked up. BUT it does have everything to do with the 2 stupid people that keep lieing to themselves about being in this wack ass "state of confusion". LOL!!

When 2 people get involved, in the beginning, everything is ultimately, oh-so grand. Honeymoon stage. Humpin' like bunnies. Rainbows and flowers. You know the scene... all that mushy crap. Now, everyone stays in high hopes for this romance scene to last throughout the rest of their self-made, self-directed movie, but depending on who they are or who they are with, somebody always take a turn for the worst or either life kicks in and the bullshit-flower-phase subsides. If this is not you, then you need to go get married or find another one of my most awesome post to read pertaining to love and/or ultra-great sex.

Scene: Will and Jada
Anywho, I came to this conclusion that there are relationships that hold some amounts of reputable stature. I want to assume that this small peice of a characteristic has a small amount to do with how people tend to fall into these "fake"tionships. And I will also assume that they feel the need to uphold what it is that everyone on the outside assumes is going on inside. After being with someone for a certain amount of time, it seems as if everyone around them expects for this couple to be together, live together, stay together, get married, make babies... in other words, it wouldn't be right if they were apart. The world would come to an absolute end and everyone's life depends on and is based around these two lovebirds. There is no doubt, in my mind, that the love is definitely there. However, some people reach a point where everyone is reading on different grade levels. BUT... with all their might and every fighting power in there little bones, they just have to stay together to save the world. Maybe there is a few good moments here and there, but none worth putting up with the bullshit that no one else seems to know about. No relationship is perfect, but people also fall short of common sense when that is all they have to bank on.

Scene: That's My Man, Bitches!!
Now the other situation that could have someone falling into a "fake"tionship can be a little complicated. Someone feels that they have a point to prove. In this particular relationship, there is no expectation from the outsiders, other than to fail. The difference in this situation... there has probably been signs and symptoms of infedelity, someone having to fight to prove their love, or the simple fact that maybe there were some shit-talkers doubting the fact that the 2 of them would never last together. They, then, find themselves stuck... or putting up with unhealthy situations to prove a point to set the record straight for those people who bad-mouthed them in the first place. They continuously put up with the bullshit, screaming to the top of their lungs, "it's alrite cuz he/she come home to me every night!" *in my best ghetto dialect* Now, the other thing that gets me about this relationship, is it consists of some type of weird friendship?... lol, These 2 tend to rely on each other for back up when they know the other has done some foul shit. Never let them see you sweat. So when shit get's tough and they've got caught up, the person who "swears" to love them most will always have their back. And it works. But why would you want to put yourself in these type of situations. *shrugs* Who knows? And there you have it, another "fake"tionship.

Scene: Comfortable Excuses
Even the most motivated, highly active person can run into a little laziness here and there. People can get so comfortable and sot in ways that which become habits and are hard to break. Nothing wrong with a little stability, you would think. So after the honeymoon scene is over, basically the work and effort that was put into getting and maintaining an actual relationship with this particular person is now stabalizing under the notion, "I did what I had to do. Now I'm good." And if you ask me, I see this as being the first signs to a wonderful "fake"tionship. But it doesn't stop there because there are plenty of other factors of comfortability that could fall in this scene. Let's try: We have a baby/kids excuse... TAKE 1! We share a house together excuse... TAKE 2! We have an understanding... TAKE 3! I won't be able to afford this by myself... TAKE 4! So while they are continuously coming up with excuses as to why the 2 of them are still together/won't leave, with all of the miserable factors waddling underneath, they don't realize how easy and quick it was falling into such a "fake"tionship. It was all good just a week ago, LOL!! They won't admit to themselves and everyone else, it's only because everyone is so comfortable. And because they are use to a particular lifestyle being with this person, they would rather suffer through the heartache and come up with new excuses than to get their lazy ass up and leave.

There is no climax in this movie. Or we could say the beginning is the most climaxed that you would ever get out of any of these scenes. How is that for irony?! LOL! Everyone has to absolutely look picture perfect when walking out the door. But let's be honest about the debris that is tailing behind you because of the tornado that just swept through your house. If your relationship is fake, then so are you. You're lieing to yourself, the people around you, and let's not even talk about the kids. But what can you say? All's well that end's well... or not...

Until next time bloggers...

Friend or Foe

All too often I hear, "females can't be friends" and the friends they do have are only jealous of what they got, how the shit they talk is not advice, it's a bunch of bullshit. It becomes confusing because we don't know if we should call the people that are talking about/to us, our "so-called" friend, a hater... OR, is the person offering the advice from outside the circle, the true "friend" or hater. Hmmmm.... what do you do? A "friend" of so many years is a friend for a reason. Obvious? Right? Because within the closeness between the 2 of you, nothing that has ever been said was given a second thought. Any type of advice that was given was always received as a valuable peice of information. Info that you hold near and dear to your heart because this is the only person that you can trust to actually give it to you straight, let you know what you are doing wrong, and help you to get it right. What some might see/need in a true friendship. No cut cards. Pure honesty and loyalty.

The Intruder
There are so many ways that we can look at this situation. No matter who is talking about who, somebody is going to feel threatened as if their space is being stomped on. We'll call them intruders. No specifics, however, they usually end up being a boyfriend, a family member, or an outside associate... that is, if we are ganging up on the bestie. They have so much to say about your friend: what, how and who they are doing wrong. Accusations that, "she is a hater". That "she is probably jealous of you" and just "wants what you got". You can't expect for no female to give you any good advice. She talk so much shit, like she Miss Perfect or somebody. Now we can look at this from all sides of the equation, however, at no point does anyone meet up in the middle. You see the same way everyone is talking shit about the bestie, the bestie could also be voicing her opinion of shit, as well. BUT... just as much as your friend is your friend and what they say matters, "the family" is moreso like royalty and what they say goes. See the difference here?

The Bestie
Now although, the bestie is technically NOT family (most of the time), at any given moment, we can always give them the side eye look and keep it moving. And just as much as shit can be talked about a "new boo", shit can be talked about the "bestie". So, honestly who wins and who loses in this situation? Now the point of this discussion is to determine whether the bestie is a friend or foe, because of this advice they so often love to give. And let's be honest, it's only because you asked for it. How do you determine if they are raining on your parade or if they are looking out for your best interest? After all.... THIS IS THE BESTIE!! lol We assume that any and everything that we do will always and forever be accepted by your best friend. Because normally, real friends have this unconditional love for one another. Right?! So if and when the bestie is rubbed the wrong way by an intruder, we then are stuck with trying to figure out who really has our back. Are they telling you this because they love you? Or are they telling you this because they hate the intruder's guts?

YOU
Being the man in the middle, you can become a little distorted and confused when you have everyone in your ear yapping about what the other is doing wrong. Seems as if everyone knows what is best for you, what you need in your life, and how to handle the situation. In order to keep the peace, you keep everyone out of everyone's atmosphere. Plan ahead, rearrange, re-organize everything that has already been in effect since day 1. Instead of processing who is really the friend or foe, you avoid the question or dealing with the situation until there comes a point when you are rubbed the wrong way by this friend/foe. Maybe there was something that was said or done that could have possibly got your nose all scrunched up. And now we are having second thoughts as to, would a true friend really say or do that... and the fact remains, does that make them a friend or foe?

Until next time bloggers... is your bestie really your friend or your foe?

Representative

Have you ever felt so sure of something that you couldn't be any sure-er? (lol, made that up) I mean so definite that there is no way that you could be wrong? So sot on a thought/person, that you have become 1 with it/them? When you feel that there is no way possible, you would ever come out wrong?

I call this... TRUST.

In a court of law, no matter how minor the charge, it's always good to have official representation. Who represents me through the thickness of my trials or even the dry days when seemingly everything is just peachy? How is it that a person can rely on a lawyer (literally speaking)? A person whom we know nothing about? Hand over a ticket and/or pour our souls into making it out of a possible devastation, hand in hand, with a person whom we do not know and they have no earthly idea who we are outside of the building that which they work? I hire this lawyer to represent me. Do I feel comfortable with knowing that he is going to do what he is suppose to do because that is what he get paid to do? Or do I feel comfortable with him being my representation because that is what's in their heart? They paid the money to be certified right? So it has to be a passion to represent the innocent... or the guilty? Right?! Because that is what they love to do?

Now in a court of relationship (lol), my partner is/should be my representation. Representing me everywhere that they are, and I am not/can't be. Can everyone say that their partner puts on an awesome show in the presence of others while outside of you? Does everyone feel comfortable with knowing that their partner is still witholding the utmost respect, even when pushed into compromising situations? Because I trust that my representation would go above and beyond the call of duty. Or at least, that is what I hope for. I understand that every relationship should began with trust. It's only natural and should be a given. You trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Right? Can we freely say that we have never had the slightest bit of insecurity when it came down to even the smallest characteristics? Not one random thought about the fact that our oh-so-loving partners is out there cheating their little heart out whether it's emotionally or physically? But this doesn't necessarily have to be made only about cheating. This representation has to consist of a type of personality, dress code, speech, appearances.... it could be anything. BECAUSE, your partner/wife/husband/bf/gf is your representative. Your representation for who you are/should/could/not be.

Until next time bloggers.... who is your representative?

People Don't Change...

... they become more of who they really are.

We all hear, quite often, "you've changed", or "they have changed", "you are changing." Well, I don't belive it and I'll tell you why. We're going to dig deep into the depths of a person and the life circulating around them. You see, I don't believe in change. Not in a person, anyway. I believe in conformity, adapting to your environment, making adjustments. You are who you are and, naturally, it is/would be only natural for a person to conform into the person that they need to be in order to appropriately handle their life at that given point and time. This does not mean that, that person has changed. The reason being is that, once all is said and done or whatever the situation may be, is finally over... then that person goes back to being the person that they have always been from the very start, which is themselves. Who they were before they encountered a situation that would cause them to have to reach outside of their element.

We are all born a human being. With our very own, original characteristics. DNA, gene pools, genetic strands. Our very own molecular structures that create and form us into the human beings that we are. We are who we are and contain our very own personalities. This all does not go without saying that everyone was built a certain way and being made the person that you were made to be, you can't always remain in a bland state to where you will never be able to survive new adaptations that which were being placed upon you. In other words, sometimes your original characteristics just don't work for whatever obstacle is being placed in front of you. You adjust yourself to where you need to be in order to complete the obstacle. But in the mist of all things, you are still you and will always be you.

Let's talk about relationships. Before you became settled in a relationship, let's say that you had a mindframe where nobody that you had ever fucked with really mattered. You would fuck'em and leave'em, hit it and quit it, beat the monkey and spit it out... you get my point. So, it hits you one day that you would like to settle down. Ok that's fine. So you find someone and you conform into the person that they need you to be in order for this relationship shit to work. Everything's great. You've adjusted to your new environment. Adapted. But low and behold if this relationship were to end... you are still you. You tried being in a relationship at least once in your life. This means that you had to conform into a better representation of yourself for you and the spouse to work. Compromise. Negotiate. You got the experience and so you go back to being the person that you never really stopped being in the beginning. You are who you are and no one can change that. Now that we are free, we just become more of who we really are.

Let's talk about someone famous and money situations. Let's talk about "Baby", Lil Wayne's step-dad. I saw him on Basketball Wives the other night and I watched his demeanor and how he acted as Evelyn talked to him. He spoke and carried himself as a regular person. And in this meeting, he had his baby girl with him which I found to be somewhat shocking. Before the rap game, Baby was Baby. It's funny how people run into money and then everyone else on the outside looking in says, "money changed them." Well, I'm here to tell you that I don't think so. At the end of the day, Wayne is still Wayne, Baby is still Baby.... they never changed. They only conformed and adapted to the lifestyle that which they were given due to the fact that they make quite a bit of money. Nothing changed about them. They don't talk any more proper than they did before. They don't dress anymore professional than they did before. They are still the same person. And guess what? If ever the money was to disappear, they still remain the same person. The only difference, then, would be the fact that they are without the material possessions. And everyone knows that material does not make, break or change a person. So you see, technically, we're talking about "the person". So within them, nothing has changed.

Have you ever noticed that the longer you are around a person, how often new things are introduced to you by that person? You can't receive, learn and understand a whole person all in a few minutes, a 24 hour time period, weeks, months, or even years. It takes time for a person to get to know someone. And over that time period, you can choose whether you like or dislike that person, because we all know that no one will ever be the same as they were from day one after you have gotten to know a small portion of them and who they really are. Hell, half the time, some people don't even know themselves. That doesn't mean that they have or are changing, though. And it doesn't make them any less of the person that which they already are. People are brought into situations, survival modes kick in: shyness, giddiness, introverts, etc. Until a person feels comfortable enough to let down their guards, no one receives the real experience behind that person. In other words, they never changed. You were given small portion sizes of a personality. You got to know them and found out who they really were. True colors begin to show... no change... just them.

I guess that means we should be a better judgement in character if we have a problem with the way things have progressed/not progressed over a time span. *shrugs shoulders* I mean what can you say? Comfortability brings along the realness of people. There may be certain things you do with your family that you don't do with your spouse. But that doesn't make you any different OR it doesn't mean that you have changed because the spouse has never seen you act in this manor before. It only means you are being more of yourself in the presence of certain people. You opened yourself up... in the eyes of the partner... however, in everyone else's eye, you have always been this way.

Until next time bloggers... don't change for no one LOL!!

Sooo... You Know Me Now?

It amazes me how women seem to be so complex to men, but somehow these same men can easily become professionals in telling women about themselves, how to live, get/love and keep a man. Even down to our OB/Gyns who absolutely know, for fact, what our bodies' are going through. Really?! And to this day, with my damn-near 30 year old self, I still haven't quite figured out how that could ever be possible, even with all the studying and books in this world. I read these blogs and watch these movies or look at a doctor and try my best to figure out how they think and believe that they know me/us/women so well. hmmm....

Common sense tells me that when you offer/give advice, you offer/give it according to the personality of a person and how they deal with their situations. In other words, no 1 solution is a cure-all just because it worked for you. This is probably, partly, the reason I never came up with an actual title as to what my blog was actually suppose to reference. I talk about shit that all people should have common sense about. At least enough common sense to just relate if nothing else. I don't expect application for the mere fact, what works for me may never work for you. Even though, it's good to take in. I know that MY encounters doesn't necessarily mean anything when it comes to the next person's encounters. I try to speak from an overall generalized viewpoint of what a situation can withold, although it is very, very easy to stereotype people. I apply my "generally speaking" format, which is basically MY encounter, and formulate the common sense behind it even though most of us never apply it. And yes... that includes me. I know what I SHOULD be doing but I did something else instead.

How can someone tell me what or how to handle my situation if they don't know me? Given most answers/advice/tips or whatever you want to call it, I find them to be very stereotyped. All women handle situations like this or maybe women should handle their situation like that. At this particular time, a woman is probably thinking this. How would you know? How could you know? Is it because of YOUR enounters, that you base YOUR facts on how ALL women react/think/speak and so forth. I also look at these particulars as a means to train women: Let me tell you how you should act so that I or someone else will want you. Everyone should be able to admit to their faults and/or flaws. But it amazes me how the women except these accusations and then put forth efforts to assume the positions. You are who you are. But because so-n-so said that you should be like this since this is what makes THEM happy OR stereotypically, it would make EVERYONE happy.... I just don't see the facts in that. Not even if we did a statistical survey. Because then I would want to know what type of women are we questioning, what have they experienced and where are they at this point and time in their lives. Yes! it makes a difference.

I could have easily spent my 80-something blogposts talking about how men should/do/don't act. How it's really not that complicated to use the portion of your brain that carries the common sense to figure women out. I could invest my time in trying to downgrade men and talk about how all of them are the same. OR I could persuade them into believing that just because your woman says she loves you or caters to you, doesn't mean she ain't cheating. I could blow a man's head up with a bunch of bullshit about no matter what they do in life or who they are, they will never compare to the strengths of a woman.... BUT, of course, I will put it all in a nicer format and make it sound a little more intelligent. You know... just so that it's easier to absorb. Wouldn't want to crush your self-esteem any more than it already has been. lol. Come on guys, really!

BUT... what can I say, it works! I guess this is what makes the blog world go round. Until next time bloggers...

Mommy Needs Her "Me-Time"

Sit down child! Mommy needs her me-time
I need to... close my eyes
consume the darkness. Open wide and consume the brightness
Take in my walls and doors around me...
or go outside and play in the world around me.

Ignore the schedules and loathe in the sit down-ness
Inhale, exhale...
Relieved of "duty calls"

Sit down child!! Mommy needs her me-time

Free to be me again!!
Wait a minute... who am I?!
because the images I portray for the teachers, Pediatricians and the preachers aren't quite what I sought out to be... or so I thought...
I think I forgot who I was suppose to be

I think I was suppose to...
wear little, short dresses... blooming in bright colors... with sandals
let my hair down...
and maybe take heed of my feminine...
no... no... maaaayyybe...
I'm suppose to grace the bars with my night time essence,
play the sexy woman role with that mysterious quality
hmph, not quite sure who I would want to be.

So sit down child!! Let me have this time for me.

Maybe I should just clean house like never before...
Remove the spider webs from my ceilings and bleach my kitchen tile floors
Scrub my baseboards and clean my fridge of "leftover" hoards.

No. Maybe I should clean ME...
Every mommy knows you should scrub behind the ears
.... but who has that kind of time?

I could...
Sit in a bathtub of bubbles and the exfoliating grits.
Completely clean skin and not have to rush one bit
Admire the drips of water that fall from my faucet.
Lose track of time and play in my wrinkled skin.
Bypass the rush because of some place I have to be in.
Maybe I'll just wash my hair and enjoy the kinky trend

Sit down child!! Mommy needs her me-time

I want to cry and scream and whine and kick
Make this about me! me! me!
Why can't it be all about what I want...
and what party dress I want to dance in
Give me lot's of cake and ice cream
chocolate bars and sweets to feast
Gimme toys and barretts to fancy about...

5 minutes? 10 minutes? It's just not enough
Let's be realistic here...
Mommy just wants to run in the buff

Fuck it, why not...

Digress.
digress back to my 21 year self...
When my tits set a-perked and firm
tight ass and legs that could run for miles...
When my only concern was how much liquor I could drink in style

Responsibility? What was that?

Life was grand...
no kids, no man

Mommy had her me-time *sighs*

Just hush child. Lemme me drift in my thoughts.
while we watch the cartoons and I can continue to ponder life's lessons taught.
Enjoy this moment and just hold the dearest thing closest to me
Forget my me-time...
It's just you and me

Writer's Block

I could write a song on your average nukka
a poem I'll call..."you ain't shit" (laughs)

Stories of distressed emotions
or... ramble on about lifeless moments

Pace back and forth to the musical notes of insecurities
Pinpoint the culprits in brilliant plays

My literature could write for days
Dancing movies in my head
Previous monologues feed my brain

Writer's block sets in
fingers cramped with plague...

I could pull together strands of DNA to liven your vows
Letter's brought together for words to be orchestrated
Schedule operas for your listening pleasures
I write country, rock

r&b, and hip hop

Writer's block set in

My paper and pen flip flop

Create blogs of Shelf Bitches, Cores of Conflict, even Love

Conclude evaluations on Liars, Cheaters and Thieves
Investigating other writer's paraphanelia
druggy on the emptiness and ..... maybe failure
Rehab and gas'ed up to start a new

Limited or maybe an overload on space

Writer's block wins the race................

What Would You Do?

Should I tell you that I am unhappy, what would you do?
Would you seek out an option of resolutions to solve the problem until your efforts are no more? Would you take it as that's your cue to leave? Or would your answer be, "so what do you want me to do?"

If I told you that I'm leaving, what would you do?
Would you go through strenuous methods to try to make me stay? Make promises that you aren't willing to keep? Or would you simply let me leave?

I'm seeing someone else, what would you do?
Would you try to understand where you went wrong? Would you be willing to put in the efforts to redeem my love? Or would you flip out and accuse me of infidelity and doing you wrong?

You find me crying profusely, what would you do?
You ask, "what's wrong?", I say, "nothing." Would you keep at it until I answer your question? Would you hang around to help lift my spirits until the aches subside? Or would you simply walk away and assume that I would talk to you when I'm ready?

I'm tired, worn out from a long day and can barely hold my head up, what would you do?
Do you offer your services to complete the task that I had left unfinshed? Do you encourage my rest and reassure that everything will be ok? Or do you ask me what's for dinner?

Home is no longer filled with conversations and laughter, what would you do?
Do you put on a comedy show just to see me smile? Do you dig to find out what has been going on in my life since the silence? Or do you continue to roam in the quiet?

If I ask you what are your reasons for staying, what would you say?
Would you talk about how deep your love for me prevails? Could you recount the small things we share that make life so much bigger? Or would you simply say that you do not know?

When all of your efforts fail, what do you do?
Do you go for what you know? Do you hold faith in the love that you know the 2 of you, at some point, shared? Or do you charge it to the game and keep it moving?

"I would like to spend my last 24 hrs with you before I put an end to our relationship", what would you do?
Would you spend that 24 hrs trying to change my mind? Would you cry with me because you know that neither one of us has a fight left? Or would you spend your 24 hrs packing up your things to get a head start?

If I told you that you don't have what I need and you are not the man for me, what would you do?
Would you look within yourself to find my neccessity? Would you try to compromise with me if you knew that you couldn't provide it? Or would you send me on my merry way to find whatever it is?

If I lacked the essence of what a true woman is claimed to have, what would you do?
Would you mold and shape me into the woman you would like for me to be? Do you overlook my flaws and capture the radiance that caught your attention in the beginning? Or do you find someone else whom you think would be better?

If I inflicted the same strain on your heart that which you inflict on mine, what would you do?
Would you continue to fight for my attention? Would you create a blog so that you can pour your emotions out on the world, hoping that one day I would become bored enough to actually read it? Or would you inflict the same pain upon me?

We have been apart, you claim to be miserable without me and the reason's that you could not come up with to save our relationship has presented themselves, what would you do?
Do you run as fast as you can to share with me what I wanted to hear all along? Do you simply dance in delight with the info that could possibly make you the happiest man alive? Or do you sit and let your thoughts accumulate with the mindframe set on the assumption that it would never work?

I share my thoughts with you about the fact that I don't trust you, what would you do?
Do we revise our way of doing things so that I can become comfortable in my skin with you? Would you try to readjust your way of living to accomadate my insecurities? Or would you believe that I'm going through a phase and it will all be over soon?

I leave this letter on the kitchen counter before I have packed my bags to leave for good, I am gone and you haven't the slightest idea where to look, what would you do?
Would you look for me anyway? Would your realizations come forth as to why the relationship didn't work? Or would you have never noticed?

Never Satisfied Pt. 1

All too often, people tend to run into an era within their relationship where some shit just don't feel right. They want more, so-n-so don't do this or that anymore, or they're just tired. I have found myself in these type of situations as well. Of course! I'm a woman. LOL!! However, it seems that no matter how much a person has with someone or how much they have built, some are just never satisfied. So what!! He forgot that your absolute favorite flower were the chinese cherry blossoms, she forgot that the guys like to plan this big "man trip" once a year because it was cancelled for the last 2. Because we don't celebrate my birthday like we use to. Nowadays we have to sneak and have sex. Who gives a shit!? If the relationship as a whole is still good and no one is getting the black and blue beat off of them or popping up with STDs every other week, my opinion... get over it.

Let me start by saying that people continuously grow. Hearts, mind, and possibly body parts. But the point is no one ever stays the same. "They become more of who they really are". If you have been with someone since high school, you have to know that this particular person's life was never lived to the fullest. This use to be the American Dream: you meet your sweetheart in high school, graduate, get married, have babies. If you ask me, I'm wondering where the fulfillment in that lies? Then we went on to college sweethearts: you graduate, get married and begin your lives together. My thoughts (LOL) what happened to getting on your feet first? But nowadays: high school, college, soil your oats and then you settle down. That is if, and I do mean IF, that would be suitable for the foundation that one has already laid down for themselves, if any. But within all of these eras, how hard do you have to work, or are willing to work once you hit the spot where you forgot why you fell in love in the first place? Shit just isn't the same and you aren't satisfied with the way things turned out?

Now, I'm no relationship expert. BUT, tooting my own horn, I feel that I have enough experience to rock a Ph.D on my wall for the School of Hard Knocks. If a person has never known of anything better than what you already have, how can they say that they need more or deserve better? And let me clarify that I am speaking in a n-o-r-m-a-l relationship. Not abusive or a "fake-tionship" (we'll get into that at a later date). So, what happens in this case? Everyone get's caught up in life and completing the motions. Family, kids, work, bills, and maybe a side dish of friends. Now with that being said, this couple has, basically, went into robotic mode. They complete daily life routines but being as though a relationship doesn't fall under a necessity, it tends to lag behind the rest of the chores on the to-do list. I will assume because somewhere at some point, everyone let their guards down under the notion that their significant other will always be there with or without the wedding. But, in any case, the pattern forms here, slowly but surely, everyone drifts, certain things become missing and worst case scenario... forgotten. SOooooo, whose to blame? You're not satisfied. Your needs aren't being met. It's just not the same anymore. Really?! Who would have thunk it!? I don't love you anymore....... I call this laziness! So what happens next?

Next! Arguements arise, tit for tat shit here and there, bullshit excuses, and double the lies or maybe not. Maybe we are too comfortable in our own skins and with each other skins that we just so happen to be roommates that sleep together. Whoooaa! Low and behold, if ever someone springs a wild hair out of their ass and decides that they need some excitement in their life... smh. Do you think that it would really be necessary to try to find someone else to give you what you feel that you are lacking? Would it be worth putting up with new bullshit, avoiding secrets and trying to learn someone? Have you never had the faith in your current long-term partner to simply open your mouth and ask for whatever it is that your spoiled ass ain't getting? Why put in the extra time and effort to put/find something in someone else that could have been easily sought out in the partner that you were with to begin with? I call it... making it work. So I guess this part leads me to telling you about yourself....

It's nobody's fault but yours! If you already don't have time for the person you are with, how can you make time for someone new? ding-ding-ding dumb ass. People can be some very complex creatures. And why would you want for someone to stay exactly the same, at all times, for years and years? If your focus is on the lack of progress or what you claim to be missing, then you are definitely focused on the wrong things. BECAUSE where there is a lack of something, I'm sure some other progressions has taken place in other areas. And if not, then indeed, you are definitely with a low-life who needs some one on one evaluation within themselves. Keyword here would be: communication. People are indeed different. And a showcase of a lack of common sense would definitely take place if you find yourself thinking the only reasons that you were in a relationship to begin with is because your partner is just like you. *buzzard sounds* Wrong again! Just because you are feeling some type of way about the fact of not being satisfied within the relationship, doesn't mean that your partner is on the same page as you. For all we know, the partner could be feeling like everything is absolutely awesome. A lot of people don't realize that they can actually drive themselves into a particular feeling if it is dwelled on for a long period of time. You can make yourself NOT love someone or like someone. Sort of like practicing or meditating on a mantra. Tina Turner meditated on whooping Ike's ass. And she did it!! Lovely example, huh! lol! But you get my point. So while you are lingering around pouting like a puberty struck adolescent, you could be reaching out to your partner with high hopes to come up with how to put the spunk back into the spicy that you once had before. Whose to say that they wouldn't give it to you at the drop of dime? You will never know if you don't ask.

Until next time bloggers... satisfaction is what you make it

The Quiet Storm

You can only love someone as long and as much as they allow you too. There comes a breaking point whenever in a situation that consists of constant ups and downs and sharp curved turns. To be in a relationship can be a most awesome feeling. However there are cons with the pros; demons with blessings; sad with the happies. I concluded in my very own previous situations that, it's usually not about the nature of the event taking place or even how often. It's moreso about how much strength you have to carry it on your shoulders. Love makes you weak. Weak enough to create Superman strengths that which you never knew you had, pulled from an abyss from within. Weak enough to involuntarily crawl into a fetal position and contemplate on how you have absolutely nothing left without that person. Sounds a little contradictory, don't you think?

THIS... is... the... quiet storm. Lightening rages, thundering thoughts, and heart's pouring rains. All cried out, there is only enough strength to just let go. You sit back and enjoy the science of nature, the changes in pace, from heavy rains to light rains to the low crackling thunder that seems as if it's drifting away. But, the meteorologist made it clear that you're definitely dead smack in the middle:

No questions left to answer and no answers left to give. No fight in the dog and no care about who wins. It's just a quiet storm. You sit still. In the quiet. And you wait for it to subside. Mellowed out moodiness and spurts of anguish. Finding solace in the dark and disguised by the little clear drops. With high hopes for these predictions to manifest. At least until the real rain moves west.

People Addiction

Has anyone ever thought deeply about how much your life could be different without the presence of only one soul? Even if you believe with every bone in your body that this person is definitely cut out for you, without them could make such a hellafied change be it good or bad. Surely enough, I think I would put family in a different category but not so much as an addiction. When I come up with the category, I'll be sure to let you know. But in the meantime, let's talk about the people who are not family, that just so happens to play a big part in our lives.

Is it possible to obsess over the things a person can/has/will do for you? Become addicted to a "treatment" that which you receive from another human being? I use the word addiction because, I came to some random conclusion not too long ago that maybe the love or lust that we say we are feeling is actually an addiction to whatever/whoever it is that we have become so fond of. I absolutely loves me some chocolate! I love the color black! I love him! I love her! I love seafood! Do you get my picture here? LOL!! If you can crave a food; is that not a thin line being crossed into an addiction? Like smoking. I love my black and milds!! Addiction?! Absolutely! LOL!! I have this one Calvin Klein bra that I love. It's black and it hugs the girls perfectly. Do I have other bras that I could wear? Yes, plenty! But none of them love me back the way that my CK does. Addiction?! Yes! I want CK and only CK. Everyday! Get my drift?

Now that that comparison is out of the way, let's get down to the real narcotic here. A person. When building a relationship or a friendship, we meet someone, get to know someone, and you either like them or you don't. If you don't like them, you give the stink face or you try to avoid all contact with that person. Now if you do like them, you crave their presence, you like being in their atmosphere or the atmosphere that they create. This is good shit! So you do whatever you can to play your part as a friend or significant other in order to keep that person near. In hopes that they become addicted to you. When you are going through something, you get the urge to call who? When you want to go out and party, you make plans with who? And it's not because you lack another 'person' to call or hang with, but it's because you run to the person that knows just how to scratch your itch. Why not call the co-worker who constantly invites you to happy hour every single Wednesday? Or why not hang out with that other friend that you met a couple weeks ago who seemed to enjoy your company very much so? You left an impression that they liked and they want that impression again. It was good to them. It scratched their itch. lol. BUT... their impression didn't do anything for you, so you keep it moving.

People can become so wrapped up in their emotions about the specifics of another being. You have to know what you want from a person in order to create, achieve and establish any type of relationship. You love/lust or are addicted to the feeling of this gargantuan amount of happiness. You love (or are addicted to) the feeling of what we have formulated into a more professional, and maybe lightweight in meaning, word of "addiction"... love. You love (or are addicted to) being a wife/husband, but only to the person you married. You can't live without this particular person, so you go through the motions to tie the 2 of you together in union. You are addicted!! OR... you are "in love" and you can't see yourself without this particular fix. Because no one and I do mean NO ONE can scratch this itch the way that this person does.

In any case, picture the case of being broken. Cured. We all know what happens when break-ups occur. We all know what happens whenever friends get into huge arguements and are not on speaking terms. We go through withdrawals. Yes people!! This is reality!! We have our "don't-give-a-fuck" grace period and then infection sets in, LOL! We do things to try and get over the addiction. We may try to find another 'person'. Talk shit on Facebook. We may try to pick up hobbies. Stalking. Talk to someone about it, cry about it, get sick about it. It usually takes time to get over any addiction. Being as though you have to go through some type of recovery to overcome any thing that can deprive you of what is necessary within your life, then I don't see how getting over a person would be any different. And going back to my examples, it would be the same as if you were trying to stay away from the chocolate, or like me, you are just use to picking out anything that's black. Trying to focus on another color in the store would probably send me into "hyper-panic mode". It just wouldn't seem or feel right. If something happened to my CK bra, I would mourn just as if I had lost my puppy. Addictions, smh.

In the end, most of the time, we relapse. The purpose in getting rid of something or somebody is so that you can avoid the dependency that you once had or the obsession with whatever/whoever it was. It/he/she consumes you. So, if for some reason you have to continue to make presence and face what is suppose to be an extraction from your daily routine, then it would be virtually impossible for you to achieve full recovery. I'm making these points so that we can see how we fit into this category. You recognize your problem. What the addiction is and what draws you to it. At what times do you have your worst cravings? How is this addiction consuming your life? What risk factors have played a part in trying to hold on to this person? How it effects or destroys your life? Much, much self-help and reorganizing your essential habits that once kept you at a sane pace.

So. With that being said. Let's go home and practice. Until next time bloggers...