What is your idea of marriage? Would your
expectations BEFORE making a vow to and before God still be the same after all is said and done? You did/want to get married for a reason, right? Or are we banking on POTENTIAL and expecting a lot more than what was being given
before you decided to make the leap down the aisle? I'm sure that everyone has different expectations. BEFORE the numptials, you expect this, this and this? AFTER the numptials, we need to be doing this, this and that? and VOILA! Marriage is then fulfilled... o_O But out of everything, I honestly believe the only thing we can confirm is that everyone who is with someone chooses to be with that person because, apparently, that particular person makes them balanced (in some form, so to speak). Are you following me?
Everyday, I have a tendancy to analyze what my reasons are for wanting to be married. If and when I do, I wonder what statistic would I fall under come years ahead. Is it even safe to still wonder what the future would hold after I have committed myself? Isn't that a sign of doubt? Or should I be feeling confident that these pondering moments should be the least of my worries? I got this in the bag or am I headed straight for a title of divorcee or will I be falling along the lines of that
"ol school-shonuff-unbreakable" bond like they had back in the day. Y'know... G-ma and dem! Am I being lenient when it comes down to my standards? Maybe I've built up too much immunity and high tolerance for bullshit. Could I fulfill what is being expected of me? I have to admit, I can be a stubborn ass from time to time.
That's bitch-stubborn not baby-stubborn, there's a difference. And with me knowing my flaws, could I ever align them to where I'm not feeling like I'm being backed into a corner, shadowed, embaressed and/or defeated? I like to save face (mine), and therefore
I just don't deal. <~ yes, this is my problem area, lol!
Advice, whether from married couples or even single people, can be rather confusing. You understand the point they may have made, but you also have to understand the position that YOU are in and whether or not you would like to apply that advice to your way of thinking and reacting. I would love to go into a union feeling
safe. Knowing that "
I" as in "
me" no longer exist and is considered a more plural format. No matter what, my partner got me. I nor he has a thing to worry about because we already know what the other is thinking. You are probably thinking,
"duuuhhh, that's a given". But believe me when I say that not everyone catches on to the "
we", not "
I", conversational format. Not everyone believes that the family they CHOSE to unionize with, are suppose to be the ones that become their first and main priority. Yeah they're in love and blah blah, but let them have to pick and choose between movie night at home with wife and kids or a night at King of Diamonds with the fellas. Even I would choose the King of Diamonds, but I balance is key which means there is a time and place for everything. KOD tomorrow night. First things first... movie night it is. These are the things that scare me shitless.
I can't deal with being in second place when already handed the first place trophy. Sounds strange, doesn't it? Caught up in a situation like this, just call me a runaway bride.
Friendships are far more of a necessity than most people think (IMO). I'm a little short-handed on said "friends", so if you knew me personally, you would know exactly what I mean: loner/introvert. On top of that introduction, that still wouldn't make you my friend *shrug* Sorry, it's a trust thing. Anyways, a person could easily fix their mouth to say that so-and-so is my bestie. My first response would be,
"really?!" Then I'm wondering what does a best friend consist of? If your best friend was of the appropriate gender to your liking, would you or could you marry them? There is a reason for this question, just give me a sec. In a perfect world, I'm sure that we would all want to marry a person that matches our persona, which most best friends usually fit a simple description of I would assume. Perfect example of match made in Heaven, right? So let me put this scenario out there to you because I'm feeling like I may have lost you somewhere: you meet someone, you get to know one another (however you see fit), you began to do things that most people don't do in "couple form" (<~ made that up), you then become girlfriend and boyfriend or gf/gf or bf/bf (whatever floats your boat) Point is, nowhere in stating your new found title of "exclusivity" does anyone make claims of being best friends. Kind of makes me wonder... hmmmm.... Only because I'm looking forward to marrying my best friend. Am I asking for a lot yet?
In addition and also to conclude my random rantings, FYI, I hate materials in excess; excessive clothing, shoes. Excessive paperwork. I like to rid myself of any unnecessary wastes. Excessive stresses that I have a choice to live with or without, guess where it goes? Here we go, another problem area for myself. So ready and too quick to say "fuck it". I can't sign any type of paperwork with this mentality. Because if we rewind back through the expectations that I just stated in this blog, I'm finding that I may not even contain these same qualities because I'm not so sure as to exactly what it is that I am looking for to help me get over the trust factor. I mean... that would sum all of these other things up in a nutshell, right?
But yet, I'm looking forward to a Team "Us". In a state of confusion, are we? o_O
Until next time bloggers...
