The Dating Game

A friend came to me and asked me, "what happened to dating?" I thought that was funny. Being as though, I haven't been on a date in years. So, of course I put her on the stand. I asked, "what is a date? Or in better terms, what is dating to you?" She came with a long list of things that she wants but shouldn't have to ask for. It made sense. A lot of damn sense. But imagine how long it would take for you to find someone that actually gets it. So, my question is, what happened to dating? Is it really a game?

Everyone knows single women love to date and to be dated, they love to flirt and be flirted with. What woman doesn't?... the flirting part, I mean ;) I think it's built in with our other million and one characteristics. Anonymously searching for someone to complete the puzzle or fill in the blanks without us having to provide a cheat sheet. Someone with some damn common sense! In a nut shell, lol.

But... since we are dating, what happens after the "first date"? Honestly, the first date is like your first job interview. You gots to put on your game face and it has gots to be good! At least on your end while hoping and praying he came to play hard too. And this is where people get mixed up because you're on a mission while he's probably thinking about how many positions he can get you in, in a 5 minute time period. You see, here in the realms of Generation "Fucked Up", if the iniative is even taken once two people meet to even schedule a date, the occurences that might should happen during a date and afterwards starts to become a little fuzzy? Common sense tells us that the topic of sex is not a first date conversation to be had. Let me also incorporate that this could possibly be a reason for the "wack" sex that's being had more than often. No one is giving themselves time to work up an appetite or to feel the chemistry that could possibly be taking place. A woman's smile is not the gateway to her pussy. Seems that everyone is more interested in what the organs/insides look like and not the mind. And when the date comes to an end, do you sleep together? Get married? LOL! Oh yeah, I'm hella serious, too. You would be surprised how many people have began relationships after fucking on the first night they meet. I've even heard of people moving in together. New beginnings start feeling like old flings and it usually turns out to be an unhappy home, assuming that you even made it that far. Going back to the crib to chill and have drinks is not a first date option. What's wrong with the bar? And why would you even want me to see your place so soon? You don't know me and for all you know I could be a crazy person. Hell! You could be a crazy person, lol

I have to admit that my friend is a rather creative lady, she is. LOL! She came up with a shit load of ideas that she felt like a date should entail other than the basic dinner and a movie. If she would have left it up to me, that's exactly what I would have came up with LOL!! I guess I think like a man from time to time, LLS! Anywho, she explained to me that she wondered what happened to the late night long talks like back in high school when you both knew you should have been asleep. She wondered why no one sends "Good Morning" texts or flowers. Why no one double date anymore or sit by lakes like the happy couples in the movies. No one is having fun. Going to the kid's fun zones and acting like the kids. Ride the go-carts or play Putt-Putt. Hit a tennis ball, laser tag, maybe? These were really good ideas because I haven't even taken out the time to do either of them besides sending the texts. That comes easy. So, viewing from my psychological peripheral vision, I do admit that having more freedom as we all grew up is partially to blame. No rules. No standards. No chaperones. We lose sight of what we stood for, then, and forget how to project those same standards, now.

What's wrong with us? No mind stimulation, make me wait, no excitement, surprises, nothing. You can call her old fashion but I feel where her fustration is coming from. Is the single life really that bad that once you meet someone, anyone for that matter, your juices immediately start flowing uncontrollably? It's almost as if no one has anything to talk about anymore. I mean... it's either that or everyone is just lazy. There is only one thing that plagues these emotionless puney brains of theirs and that's getting laid. And for the record, I'm talking about men and women now. Everyone wants to play and put in no work. No one has hobbies or small talents. Art, reading, writing, dancing done in their spare time? Where did it all go?

Now with all of this depressing news for the singles, what's Plan E-F-G because we are far pass Plan A? It's apparent that chivalry is dead! So now I have to put in my $0.02 about how to handle this situation if you are persistent about this dating game. So let's go over the plays: when on a date, suggest the things that you would like to do. While the guys have blatantly stabbed chilvary right in the groin, we ladies have to start thinking for oursleves and quit waiting around for someone to cater to us. It's ok to be dominant. You could simply go back to being submissive once the dating game is conquered. Men have lost respect for "the chase", so instead of feeling like they should already know what it is we are thinking (because they don't) then we should just be forward about whatever it is. Let's take the first initial date to get to know one another and, also, talk about what it is that you are looking for from a generalized standpoint. We don't want to scare anybody off. In my opinion, I don't think it would be too soon to have a conversation of this magnitude for the mere fact that, it's already clear as hell to us, no one has time for the games anymore. Either the chemistry is there or it isn't, simple as that. People fear failure even down to the dating scene. You wonder if they liked you. How did it go and why didn't it end on the note that you had hoped for (and I don't mean sex). Well let's not dwell on the irrelevant. Get over it. We just move on to a new Dating Play. If he calls to meet up again... you suggest the place. If he doesn't call and you would like to meet up, swallow your fucking pride and grow some temporary balls. Call his ass and say let's make plans or send a text to see how he's doing if that's a little too forward. You can always tell by the way someone answers the simplest of questions, whether they are interested or not. These are just to name a few of my pennies because my list could go on.

When all else fails, just date yourself. Shit! Why put up with the hassle of waiting around for someone else to come make you feel good? Clearly, you already know what you like, what makes you smile, and the whole nine. So do it! Do it to yourself!! LMAO!! I like how that came out. Send yourself flowers. Take yourself to a spa, to the movies, to dinner. You have to love yourself and truly be in love with you before you can invite another to complete whatever it is that you feel you are missing. There is no point in extra additives. Just be free and do you. Have fun... with yourself!

Until next time bloggers... I love me some me *hugs*

Tainted Love

I havent' seen too many women that have blogged about "how many is too many", "what's your number", "does this # make you a hoe...." lol. You guys know what I'm talking about. However, I have seen plenty of men blogging about the "number" situation and continues on in a very sublime form trying to justify everything that stands for nothing and doesn't make an ounce of sense. Whose idea was it to seperate the sexes? Men can do this, but women can't? If a woman does it, she is blank.blank.blank. Who the fuck came up with these dumb ass ideas?! I'm quite sure it was a man. SO, I object!! because it's all a bunch of bullshit to me. What gives a man the right to "free-fuck" all and not be the nasty, hoe ass bastard that he just might should be classified as (no offense)? I mean... that would be the woman's classification, right? Any "free-fucking", liberated women around here would sure enough be awarded the "HOE" trophy *applauds*. At the end of the day, people are people and the only thing that seperates us are genitalia and the reproductive organs while at the same pace, it's still flesh and blood.

Counting one's previous sexual partners consist of more than just a head count. First and foremost, the age at which someone began having sex is the most important, if you ask me. A person who began fucking around the ages of 13 and 14 will, more than likely, be far pass 7 sexual partners by the time they have reached... hmmm, say 21. Unless this is a "Love and Basketball" type scenario, which I categorize as another bullshit fairytale. People who choose to wait for prom night, of course, will still have a small number in college. They are probably still in a relationship or just getting out of one. So no fun for them ;) lol. Then we have people of another sexuality for example: homosexuals, who are usually just figuring themselves out during the latter part of high school, beginning of college. Some know before and some figure it after which now involves the contemplation of whether we are going to even count the "just-to-make-sure" experiments. People who are bi... imagine what that number is or could be! LOL!! The best of both worlds, aye!?

While we are on the subject, what is a lot? What is the "right/wrong" number? How do one come up with how many sexual partners they would like or not like for their partner to have? What does it justify? What is that number telling you about that person? Are we including how many dicks a woman has sucked and how many pussies a man has eaten? Is it the same when one says, "we didn't fuck, he just ate my pussy/she just sucked me off." In reality, does all of this really matters? OR, are the men egos so big that they can't take the fact that a woman may be more experienced than they are? I wouldn't even call it experience because you can be with 5 different men and not learn a damn thing. LOL! Is it a "macho" thing? You want to have all the notches under your belt? Is it not lady-like that a woman can freely have sex and explore just as the men do? Or is it the fact that you wanted to be the one that showed her the ropes?

So, here we are with Republicans, Democratics and a fuckin' Hypocrisy! They say a man wants a woman in the streets, freak in the sheets, blah-blah-blah. How many times do you think she would have had to be a freak in the sheets before she could be a freak with you? My bad! Oh, you wanted to be the one to bring her inner freak out? "Silly rabbit," smh... If a man did pull some freak lessons out of his sleeve, then what does that say about him? How many partners has he had? He didn't learn that shit by practicing with one woman because most women aren't willing to try a lot of things. And just because he tried it once doesn't mean it was effective. Just face the fact that no one man, or 2, or 3, could teach a woman all the freaky shit that she knows to date. Simple as that. Freakiness evolves with time, lol. It's a process. A woman has to learn to work her ass muscles and vaginal walls. LOL!! Kegel excercises definitely can't be taught by a man. There aren't any sex positions that you can practice by yourself. Let's also include that trying to perform a trick with a dildo never gives off the same effect as a real dick. So, nope... she didn't learn it there either. And even if you learned something from watching a "flick", you would still have to practice with someone to master it and not every man, or woman, is a good sparring partner.

So what!! She's at a whopping 20 or even 40. Unless you are a relationship addict, celibate, or some other non-religion bullshit (virgin is not an option, lol) there is no way possible to try and keep a number of sexual partners to a minimum. Relationships don't work out, one night stands happen, your "just a friend" may have caught you in a vulnerable state, you dated someone and when it came down to the get down - that shit was garbage so you had to move on, vibrators just don't do it for you... shit happens. If you are single or in the dating game, trust me, it's like hunting season. Monitoring your sex-partners is like saying I'm only going to eat a certain amount of peanuts/m&m's/chocolate chip cookies... it is impossible! Because if you are still hungry, you are going to keep eating. And when you reach your forbidden number, what are you going to do? Stop having sex? Wait until marriage? Wait for the dumb-ass that's probably sitting next to you now, asking how many people you have been with?

How about we come up with some more important questions that really accounts for something because trying to calculate your partner's past is for lames. How about, "how many people have you fucked raw?" Now that is a good one if you're considering having sex without protection. Now that's something to talk about. "How many slip ups have you had?" Let's see, next question. "Have you ever had an STD?", "If so, how many?", "What type?", "How was it cured?" "Can I be infected?" "How long ago was this?" "What type of situation were you in to be in such a compromising position?" "Have you ever had sexual encounters with the same sex?" "Anything in your past I should know about: rape, molestation?" "Do you have any fetishes that could compromise our relationship?" Now this is important shit! Just keep that in mind.

Moving right along, how can you base assumptions off of a "number" on someone's personality? Numbers have absolutely nothing to do with the person that they are unless they are intentionally promiscuous for the wrong reasons. Sex-addict, maybe? Things like that makes the difference. Everyone goes through a "hoe phase", believe it or not, and you can fight me if you like with this one, lol. It's a part of growing up getting all the backed-up "cum" out of their system, ideas, curiosities... they grow up and settle down. Simple as that. A number doesn't tell you if they are wifey/hubby material, if they are a serial killer, what the outcome of your future will be. A number is just that, a friggin' number. People shouldn't base their future on the happenings of someone else's past. Either you are looking to build and grow together in preparation for your journey ahead or you are trying to re-live a portion of someone else's life that you were never apart of and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Move on people!

Until next time... let's all count together, lol!

A Stripper's Monologue

Don't you wish you knew what they were thinking?


*in the car listening to Jill Scott's Lyzel in E flat* pulling into the parking lot. Parks and cuts off car.

[*smacks lips* uughh another night, I hope these mutha-fuckas are paying]

Opens door, "Hey Mike, how you doin? Wassup John-John, Flex..." continues walking through the club to back doors.

[Damn it's cold!... Whhaaattt?! early are we? got me a seat! know thats right, grind-mode biiitcchheesss] sits down at the vanity [where the hell is my eyeliner? Shit!] snatches the liner out of her bag and began to apply [Lord, please let me have a good night.... let's see... pay my car insurance, oh yeah, pick up some damn groceries. I know them bitches done ate up all my food, *chuckles* gotta love'em.] begins to hum tune to Jill Scott.

turns around in chair, "Whaddup, bitches?! Has Jackie got here yet? Need her to powder my ass?" slides out from vanity and walk to the make-up room. "Hey Jackie! Can you touch my ass up for me?" Turns facing the wall and leans forward. [*laughs* that tickles.... time for the pump up. gotta make this money. Lord, please let me have a good night] admires body and ass in the mirror, "All done?... Thanks girl," walks over to DJ booth, "Frank, you can go ahead and put me in. Here go my cds, numbers on the top. Thanks babe......"

*Waka Flockas Round of Applause fills the air*
Up next is THE.BEAUTIFUL.TASTY.SEXY... "Caaannnnnddddddeeeeeyyyyy"

[Alright, here I go. wow, pretty simple I guess.... whew... this crowd is dead.... liven the party, gotta liven the party.... Shit! need some stage action. him.no.him.naw... oh hell naw!.... ok here we go... bust it...bust it...bust it..... clap, clap, clap, clap. *chuckles* silly ass nigga] walks across stage [guess they gon make me work tonight. ooo he's cute too *laughs* hol' up! I know this mu'fucka ain't touchin?! that's extra dummy... hmph, bet he gotta girl at home, too. poor baby.] looks across the room [damn! his pockets look heavy... I'm comin to get'cha shopping spree *laughs*] turns around looking at the cutie [alrite cuteface, let's wrap it up, plenty to go around.... think I'll call Tone when I get off, see what he up to. yeah, I think I will.... ok moneymaker, bring it this way] walks to the edge of the stage [I think it's calling for rain tonight. might as well pull my tricks out now.... damn, I should have gotten my nails done today. need a fill-in.... some ugly ass mutha' fuckas up in here ton...... heeey, there goes my biggest fan! His old ass is G'd up *laughs* nigga must of just got paid, umph.... on my "to-get" list.] adjusting money in garter [Damn! I knew I was forgetting something, my fuckin' rubberband.... eeewww... this mutha'fucka stinks, ok baby... keep it movin'.... wtf, these mirrors are filthy!... uughh, just what I don't need, Sir-Touch-A-Lot....] makes the "stink" face, then turns and inspects the mirrors again [hmmmm, Manny must of been off today.... oh well, a bitch is still lookin' hella sexy.... Lemme dance wit' myself for a minute.... oo, was that a new move? work it girl *chuckles* oh my gosh, I'm silly..]

picks up dress and lingering dollars laying on the stage, looks back and wave at the crowd.... [dumb ass niggas *laughs* welp... that went well *sighs*]

disappears behind curtains....

Sex Education

It's all fun and games when it comes down to having sex: how good it is, what it looks like, feels like, taste like, how big/small it is, the experimentations, consequences, emotions and whatnot. But what happens when it is now time to invite another person into your conversations about this activity? No, I don't mean inviting another party into your bedroom. Shit! That's way easier than the focal point of this post. What I mean is, when your child(ren) starts to become curious. Let's give a range of ages here. Let's start between 5 years to 10. And believe me when I say, they are starting out younger and younger every year it seems.

So,with the given numbers, 5-10 year olds, what is a good age to introduce your child to the subject of sex? How do you explain to your child where babies come from? How do you begin to explain what STD's are? Do you show props? Within that conversation, is it necessary to talk about the minors of the matter: how your dick gets hard, horney sensations, wetness of the pussy, different positions... Sounds horrible and disgusting, doesn't it, when thinking about explaining this to someone so young? What happens when you find your child humping or as we use to call it, doing the "oochie-coochie"? Think you're too late? Do you whoop their ass and place them on punishment? If so, what are your reasons? Were we not all put here to procreate? Homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenders and the whole nine? Why are we instilling in our children that sex is such a horrible act? And since we don't want them to have sex, what age do we allow it because nowadays, waiting for marriage is like waiting for a pussy to get wet by itself LOL!!!... ok ok all jokes aside. Back to the serious face o_0

Most parents spend the early portion of their children's life trying to steer them away from everything that's "rated sex". Are we all ashamed of our own actions? Embaressed, maybe? Because, of course, everybody who has kids are fucking or have fucked? Right?! lol! Between easy access to the internet, music videos, cell phones, finding mom and dad's flicks and/or sex toys... just face the fact, we can't keep this undercover forever. The way I've seen it, within my 28 years, disasters happen when people are ignorant and naive to "life". Teen pregnancies. STD's. I read somewhere that a couple had been trying for years to have kids and found out they had been "doing it" in the wrong hole. LMAO!!!... so not funny. But really?! Who does that? We definitely do not want our kids to think that porno is "sex education". This can have your baby in touch with their kinky side far too soon. And with the information that lil' Johnny has just received from PinkyXXX 101, where does he run to with it? As a mother, I have learned that children that has learned something new, just have to share it with the world and most definitely apply it to good use. Especially if they feel that it's some interesting shit. So... Parents, the last thing we need for lil' Johnny to be doing is grabbing the face of one of his classmates and trying to make her suck on his little weener because this is what he saw in the movie. My personal opinion, I love Pinky's ass (the medium size.. before she got all huge) BUT I would feel some type of way about having her school my kids on sex. Technically, that is what's happening here. When your job isn't being done, as the parent/provider, they seek information from elsewhere. And in this case, they went to Pinky. How's that for some Parenting 101?

When your 3 year old is running around the house with your vibrator, pretending it's a sword or when your 7 year old is caught attempting to do the "oochie coochie" with another child, what then becomes the procedure to handle these circumstances without spazzing out? Is severe disciplining really the correct way to handle the situation? An ass whooping isn't always the cure-all, y'know? Do you feel as if you have failed as a parent because you didn't hide your toys in a more secluded place? OR have you failed because you didn't take out the time to have that talk sooner? Face it, ignoring it and avoiding it is not an option.

Kids get into shit. ALWAYS! My son told me he learned what sex was by looking at the movie "Baby Boy". I don't think you processed that right, lol... "Baby Boy"! And when I say that the sex scene in this movie was rather intense and Tyrese really laid it down.... OMG!! So off subject... and by the way parents, making them close their eyes during a sex scene doesn't work either. No matter what, their little sneaky asses are going to sneak and look at that scene at a later date. When you're in the kitchen cooking, washing clothes, cleaning, doing something with your other child. Maybe you laid down for a quick nap. You get the point. Either way, what difference does it make? You can't pass judgement on the napper because there has been far too many incidents where parents shun sex and try to keep their kids locked in the home and not allowed to do anything. They think being strict works and then somebody ends up preggo. Usually the Preacher's kid (no offense). But this proves my point that children, in general, are sneaky as hell!

I refuse to spend my life tip-toeing around a subject that is already splattered everywhere, even the smallest of crevices. Hell! They are starting to show asses on regular TV now. "Ass" is no longer indecent exposure. Not to mention, cartoon people have boobs. smh. The little inside jokes these cartoonist think no one will catch on to. Spongebob? is a good one. The movie Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaur's is loaded with anticdotes to send an imagination running sex-crazed and wanting to have babies and shit. I refuse spending my life tip-toeing around a subject I'm so good at and could possibly make me a well known person. LOL! (and there goes my imagination running wild)

Children should feel comfortable with knowing what's going on around them and not be afraid to ask questions when it comes down to the sensitive subjects. Whether you applied for the position or not, it's our job to answer to them no matter what age. There is no more sex ed. in the schools. Our children are now limited to Health classes that only give explanations of what the reproductive organs are, what the insides look like and how a menstral cycle works. They talk about STD's along with the fact they're transmitted through sex, but, this is based off the assumption that the child already knows what sex is. By this time, graduation will be approaching soon and they may already know everything there is to know through experience. Well, I did anyway.

As confusing as life is, let's not make the simple shit more complex than it has to be. I can understand how confusing and strange it is to begin getting these urges and not knowing where they are coming from, or going. Yes. as early as 6 and 7 or 10. Not knowing how to put on a pad. Hell! not knowing what a period is! I've seen this (wasn't me). Ladies, imagine seeing a dick for the first time. Those memories aren't always grand. Guys, imagine opening up a pussy for the first time. Devastating *hangs head* Just imagine the frustration a child can endure due to the fact that there is something plaguing their minds or they fell into some shit they never knew anything about because the parents were too coward to be straight up with them. The child is too apprehensive to even begin to speak up on what has their little noodles in a tangle. If SEX is that gross, disgusting or embaressing, then obviously, you don't need to be doing it either. Sex doesn't come with a manual, directions, lifetime warranty or anything. Use your common sense to save yourself from some extra headaches like raising another child or having to counsel your child through an STD. I want my children to be able to share any and everything with me. Imagine being in the dark, blind to what you know is happening and you, as the parent, are afraid to approach it. The jokes on you boo, not your child. The End.

So until next time bloggers... let's see how this talk goes

Busting Nuts!!

How about that for a double-take?! Yes! Busting nuts! and I do mean that in every way, shape and form of the Urban Dictionary. Wait a minute... let me go check to see if it's even in there. LOL!! I had the pleasure of listening to Up4Dsn's podcast last night entitled "The Art of Faking Orgasms 101". I also had the chance to check out the ladies blogs that which he interviewed, Angie LaLa, Enigma and Goddess Intellect .It was hilarious and I do mean hilarious. I loved it! The ladies were so on point. Moving right along, the blog world is in a rage! A good rage though! Along with them, I snooped onto some other blogs because it seems as though there was a domino effect taking place. It was exciting to read about everyone's orgasmic experiences. And it seems as if J and these ladies were the stimulators of the whole "blog-gasm" wave. So, now everyone is in "think" mode including me.

I love sex talk! It's like my favorit-est thing to talk about, think about, and do LOL!! So, I'm a little on the freaky side, don't judge me ;)

Now let's see here... flashback with me. First of all, let me just say I got started at a young age. Sorry mom, couldn't wait. lls! Had no idea what I was doing, so of course, at that time I definitely didn't know what an orgasm was or what all the hootin' and hollerin' was about that I saw in the porno movies that I would sneak and watch at every chance. LMAO!!! Sorry mom... again!! OMG!!! This is going to be funny. Anyways, my sex-capades back then were rather quiet. No action, no intimacy, just plain ol' "poke.poke.poke" as we called it in high school. And as I recall, I do remember the guy that made me moan for the first time; we are actually still really good friends, no benefits. But for me, that was a huge step and afterwards, I was really embaressed about it. I didn't know that sex was suppose to be that great, however, it wasn't an orgasm that caused all of that commotion.

Ok, so after him, I found that everyone was rather petite in size. SMDH!! The enjoyment of sex that I had with him was at an all time "FAIL" with everyone else. This is the period where I mastered the art of faking. To me, it was like, "lights, camera, ACTION" in the movie and I just had to play my part to make the scene go by faster and to try to get some type of excitement out of the role. Later I figured out that was just an ego-booster and I didn't want anyone bragging about shit that they really didn't do. That struck a nerve. So "faking it" got boring and by the time I had reached college, I mastered how to turn wack sex into great sex. That didn't mean that I was getting off everytime though.

My very first LTR lasted for about a year and half. He wasn't packing but his "head" game was amazing. I still wasn't in enough of a comfortable position to actually let go and release, so... no "eat'em" orgasms there. My next LTR lasted off and on for about 4 years. End of high school and beginning of college. He was humongous. I called him "horse dick". *blushes* And believe it or not, this was "MY" first oral experience. Picture that! But... nope. No orgasms here either. Shit! We had a hard enough time just trying to get him to bust one. We would fuck for hours and he would never cum. He just always said he could do it better himself. I think he was moreso use to his hand. WOW! It took me all of that 4 years to master that dysfunction, but that's another post. I just hate the feeling of defeat.

I feel old! To be honest, I gave myself my very first orgasm through masturbating. Yep! I mastered that too. My first, with a man, was him eating my pussy. Don't recall the first actual sexual encounter, however after that was when I went on a "if you can't make me bust, kick rocks" strike. My last/recent relationship... ok we'll just say it's in "pending", he has defintiely spoiled me. Like Enigma stressed in the podcast, you have to be in tune with your body and so does your partner. He knows my in's and out's, my ticks and kicks, everything. There are certain ways to have different orgasms and he helped me master them all. At first, I could only bust if I was on top. Get in the motion of the waves, he'd suck on some tits... and BOOM! Exactly 3 years ago was when I had my first multiple orgasm and he was actually on top, so hats off to him. He put in work that night ;) I would also like to inform you that these are G-spot orgasms. He has made me have both a clit and g-spot orgasm simultaneously, in which if you ask me, is rather hard. If you want details, please email me. lol And I have also had one through anal. Damn!! Now that's love!! LMAO!!!

So, as you can see, my journey has been quite long and rather prosperous, might I add. I can't complain. I lived, I learned and I conquered! I'm no longer a faker. As a matter of fact, that is not even an option. I'll get right up and find something else to do. Yes. In the middle of things. That's only if I consider him to be a "mission impossible". knowhatimean? (that was intentional) But... I don't have that problem any more. I am a "Professional Nut Buster" LMAO!!

So until next time bloggers... you better get yours, cause I'm definitely going to get mine.

What the fuck is a Holiday?!: Trials of a Mother Part 2

If you clicked this post, you are probably in disbelief. I should be coming to you with happy thoughts of Christmas cheer and wishing 'Happy Holidays' amongst my fellow bloggers whom I do not know, but I know is there. I should be dancing in the Christmas spirit and getting more and more excited for my babies to open their presents. Well... you can cancel that bullshit! I'm a plain 'ol Ebeneezer Scrooge. "Bah-Humbug" People only see this holiday as a time to spend money. No one takes note of what the real celebration is for. And I lost all sight of that, myself, once I read somewhere that this particular day really isn't Jesus' birthday. But we're not politicing about that today.

Seems like my learning experiences always work in the manor of learning the hard way. Not by choice either. And boy, am I learning that motherhood is a job and a half. Shit! I'm the fucking CEO of a career that they have no type of college education for. You should have to earn a fucking degree to be a parent. We need one for everything else, so why not? Single mother, I mind you. I can't put on fronts for my babies that we got it like that, when in fact, we defintely are far from it. I can't pretend that they will get every single thing that they ask for, or any of it for that matter. I've instilled in myself to never make promises and that my word is my bond. So when it comes down to talking about Christmas and the possibilities of what "might" be under the Christmas tree, I usually steer clear from that conversation and into another direction.

I always hoped to do the things that my mother did during Christmas. Single mother of 3 and we spent every Christmas like the rich and famous. She was so organized with it. Early shopping sprees and wrapped presents up under the tree from the beginning of December. My sister and I would drool with anticipation for damn near a whole month. Wrapped presents labeled from her and the toys from "Santa" were placed as if he had came down the chimney himself, come Christmas morning. Man! Those were the days. We did that "American" family shit. Baked cookies at night, wrapped presents in the expensive shiney papers and used real ribbons. Not the dull premade bows that came in the bags. We took our own family Christmas pictures, played games, and then go to bed like good children should so that Santa would come. Surprise! Surprise! We didn't get everything that was on our "Christmas List", but it was like the ones that were picked were of the most importance. By the time all the previous excitment was over, we didn't care too much about what we did have or didn't have, we was having way too much fun. We looked forward to the holidays. Traveling to DC once school was out or her bringing Christmas to us in NC. Wherever we were, it didn't matter. This is the woman that I have to live up to?! Really?! You have to be kidding me!! We'll see how this 2012 New Year Resolution work. Oh yeah and to work on not cussing like a sailor. Random thought but I have a horrible potty mouth. LOL!

Talk about a hustler! I work all year for a pay that most would probably consider allowance. However, I make it work without the welfare and let's not talk about benefits. What the fuck is a benefit? LOL! I work on these holidays with no complaints. So, for the past 3 years, I have not spent one Christmas morning with my babies. And let me tell you a secret... that's not for the time and a half that should be applied once you hit that time clock. I can see your faces now, lol. Trust me, I've been looking for another "prison cell" to clock in to for the past year and half. However, I hold strong to my faith and at the end of the year, I reflect on how I made it and thank God for getting me and my 2 this far. That's my Christmas present. I am truly blessed.

But, at the same time, a mother's work load can really take a toll on her life as well as her family's. You go to work, you come home, you prepare meals, you do homework, attend practices and try to spend some happy time together without falling asleep standing up (which I have done, true story), or getting irritated with the busy-ness of the kids. And let's just pray that you have enough strength to make it to the shower to wash your ass. So, technically, you never really clocked out.

While on the forefront, children don't understand how life works. Honestly, it's not for them to understand. They are suppose to be enjoying the time that they have before reality slaps their little asses around, chew them up and spit them out. God only knows that I want the best for them, however, it is really hard to instill humbleness in children who have everything that they could ever want but still want everything that they see. The promotions that run across the tv screens in this day and age holds so much weight. Far more than what they did at the time I was a small child. Mothers brand their children with designer clothing and shoes to make sure that they look better than the next child. LOL, and I can't talk shit about anybody else because I do the same. I do the same and yet I know at the end of the day, I'm going to need that same $100 that I just kicked out for a pair of shoes for a 7 year old. And get this, my agony doesn't stop there. My daughter's birthday is 5 days after Christmas. Whoa is me!

For most 2 cent providers, they would probably give me the run down on how to spend my money and dwell on the fact that my babies will just have to understand. I don't need your advice. Most of them people that carry that 2 cents in their pocket are out here doing the same thing that I'm doing and their situation is probably just as bad as mine. Well... I can't say mine is all that bad. My bills are still paid and my babies always look great, LOL!! Superstars have to stay camera ready! ;) But the point that I'm making is, what is all the damn commotion about. This is all for a friggin' holiday that only makes the CEO's of those namebrands richer and the less fortunate, broker than they have ever been within the past year. It's worst than the lottery. Most people aren't even guaranteed to get their bills paid on time due to the fact they are trying to make sure that their children have just as much as the next child. SMH... everyone is ass backwards if you ask me. And after all of that, people start itching for tax season. Let's not forget they have to make up for the bills that were left unpaid.

So, here's to you and yours. How is that for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! To those that don't celebrate either, Happy Holidays (whatever the fuck that is) and mucho mucho blessings to all. I really mean it! From the bottom of my pockets.

Until next time bloggers... be merry and broke!

Mr. Good Dick

Lemme fill you in on the haps of yesterday,
Knew this man named, Mr. Good Dick and fell in love with the way he lay

No time for small talk or kiddie play,
Straight down to business and made good use of his stay

Mr. Good Dick was so clean and trim...
big, fat, juicy... let's just say, so far from slim

Tall, dark and handsome...
Wow! Love at first sight?!
He rubbed this kitty-cat so good...
small purrs turned to roars and claws clenched tight

Umph, I loved Mr. Good Dick so
He knew exactly what I needed and mo'

So good! Mr. Good Dick and his fancy pants
Got my pussy dripping wet and in a trance
add the 2-step and a happy dance!!

Mr. Good Dick stretched miles afar all up in my tummy
Entering secret domains, walking aisles of fruit and honey
Full from the oh-so dee-lish of this pussy's delight
I thought Mr. Good Dick would never get enough of this everlasting bite

But au-contraire, Mr. Good Dick stay full of surprises
Stamina like stallions and completed plays worth winning the Heisman

hmph, I love Mr. Good Dick
He knows just how to massage this clit
I just love to keep him all shiney and slick
So to show my appreciation, I take that ride on his magic stick

And we ride, and rode...
straight into the sunset
Maximum overdrive, set cruise control, that 'um, um good' sex
Locked ass cheeks, toe curls, grip and flex
Got me spiraling around this Good Dick, I'm so perplexed
This pussy's so serene, steered clear of being vexed

Damn! My Mr. Good Dick
just thinking about you makes me sweat
Just thinking about it makes me wish we never met
He's definitely my pusherman
and I play his loyal pet
I fiend for Mr. Good Dick
stay anxious for his arrival on set

Lay it down Mr. Good Dick!
Lay it down!
Got this pussy smilng and shit,
she forgot how to frown

Professional pussy tickler,
up, down, left and right
I stay locked in for the rest of the night
Fuck it!... the rest of my life!
Mr. Good Dick shol know how to lay that pipe

And when the night comes to an end,
I have to hand it to him,
Mr. Good Dick always win
I close my eyes and roll over in the sin

Nothing else matters, when all is said and done,
'Cause whenever kitty cat wants to play, Mr. Good Dick never fails to run.

Umph, Mr. Good Dick...

Where Are They Now?

"Click-ships": friendships created by way of relationships with people who are in clicks(made that up LOL) Friendships are built within these "clicks" and only last as long as the relationship does. Let me see if I can explain this in a manor that which everyone will understand. Examples could include "Basketball Wives", "Love and Hip-Hop", or "Goodfellas" is a good one, to say the least. Anyways, these females weren't long-time besties. They probably didn't even know each other before whenever. Somewhere down the line, because they were all a wife/GF/whatever, they felt the need to stick with "their own kind." Some become friends, some become enemies, and some just don't mesh at all. But, it all boils down to the fact that these clicks were built because they all had something in common. They all are in relationships with men of one circle.

Before I go on, let me give you the run down about me. I'm a very loyal person. I take pride in the effort that I put into people. I cherish the effort that people put back into me. It's like picking the right house to purchase. It's a long-term committment. You have to see yourself in this house with your feet kicked up and how much of the comforts you will gain from being in this location. You have to know what you are willing to sacrifice when putting everything that you have saved up, into this home you are creating. Every minor detail that people take for granted, I take very serious... to extremes. It's very hard for me to fix my mouth to even claim someone as a "friend". That word carries the most frightening horrors that are as bad as admitting you are in love with someone for the first time. If you've read any of my post, you may hear me talking about the very few amount of friends that I have. I have 2. Seriously! 2 friends! These are the only people outside of my family that I talk to. One which I have known since high school, the other for the past 5 years or so. So, you can just about imagine how fun-filled my life is round about now.

Moving on, I have encountered more than just a few of these "click-ships". I do admit, this is a woman thing. Don't ask me why, because I have no clue as to how this shit just always end up working like this. You rarely see guys coming together with the boyfriends of the girls in HIS girl's click. Anyways, "woman" meets a "guy", "guy" then introduces her to his friends. Somewhere down the line, "guy" and friends have made plans to all do something together: somebody's birthday/cookout/club night/something... anyways, "woman" is invited. Here in the place, "woman" is then introduced to the rest of the gang. Second meet of the friends and now their "girls". Thus we have the "click-ship". "Guys" are entertained without having to hear their girls mouth about whatever because they are busy chit-chatting it up and getting along like good "housewives" should. SMH.....

Anywho, shit gets deep. Just as long as your relationship last, so does this "click-ship". You girls are doing it up like besties! Watching each other kids, girls night outs, attending parties and planning family events, going on trips and shit. Putting your real friends off to do shit as a group. BUT... what happens when your relationship goes bye-bye? Are we really friends or was this just a front to please our man? Sounds more like some fake shit to me. You can call me an-ti, you can call me stuck-up. I'll participate, but don't expect the extras. But in this case, who do you call when all is said and done? Would it be right to call your girl from the "click-ship"? After you get off the phone with her, she's only going to go back to her man and discuss what the 2 of you just discussed. This then leads back to your, now, ex. Which could possibly create another "Core of Conflict"... Damn! I'm good! Never underestimate the quiet types ;)

Back to the focal point. Where are they now? These are the bitches who cried with you when you and dude had your first fist fight, they were there when the first baby was born... Shit! you guys, altogether, were a family of your very own. But let's not be naive. The only reasons you girls had even met in the first place, was due to the fact that your boyfriends or what have you, just so happen to be best friends. So, if the "guys" are not linking up... then neither are you and your "click-ship" girl. When all was said and done, who called after you keyed his car? Who came and checked on you when you destroyed the house "Madea-style"? Who called you when you bawled your eyes out for a week straight? No one. OK... I take that back. Your real friends check on you. But the same way your man disappeared, so did them bitches. And where are they now? Oh, that's easy. Them bitches still in their salty ass relationships making sure that their shit is good and they don't end up like you. And if you ask me, it doesn't get any better than not having to put up with extra people and more obligations just to keep a relationship maintained. No woman is put here to cater to your friends and their girlfriends. Looks to me like there are a lot of people that has a lot of growing up to do.

Really?! Who needs friends?! Fake ass ones, at that. I'll just stick with the two that I have. Until next time bloggers... stay loyal.

~DayDream~

Time: Daytime

Place: In the car

Song playing in background: Wale's Lotus Flower

~ Your hands roam to my inner thigh. I'm taken back. I want to make contact. It's dark, and I can't see your face. I definitely feel you. Committing myself to your embrace. Your fingers slide closer... and closer... to the forbidden. I breath deep. Not yet?! You pull away... lift me up from the valley of my back, place firm grip upon my ass and gently place me on your lap. I bite down... Hold firm to the nape of your neck. I release a moan of relief... of excitement... of ultimate goodness! Everything flows, so divine... You're so strong!! I close my eyes... and enjoy the comforts of my recliner as you carefully rock me back and forth... back... and forth... and back... and forth. I want it!! I want all of it!... All of you!.. in me. Go deep bae! Go deeper! You grab hold of my shoulders... and push... and puussh... and... and....~

RECORD SCRATCH!!!!...

"Moooooooooommmmmmmmm.... she's hitting me!!!
Radio Announcer: and that was another hit from the fabulous Wale
Me: "you guys quit playing around back there or I'm gonna have to pull this car over!!!"....

Another day in the life of a mother in fantasy land, lol. Damn!!!

By the way, you can check the full daydream out, entitled "Insert Here", on what I call my "backup plan", http://sensesocommon.wordpress.com I hope you enjoy!

Good Guy Gone Gangsta

So... Lil Wayne came out with a new song from the Carter IV album, that I absolutely love, called "How to hate". I love the words, I love the beat, but most of all I love the story being told. Most "politically correct feminist" would probably hate it for the simple fact the word "bitch" is being thrown around like a basketball. BUT, *raises hand* I'm one of those weird types. I understand.

Lil Wayne – How to Hate Lyrics

Most women know of a "Good Guy" lingering around somewhere. Most of the time, "Good Guy" is lolly-gagging somewhere in her background. In most cases, this guy is at a friendship level, however, he probably wants to take it to the next level and she doesn't. Maybe she does, but she is too caught up in her own drama to even bust a move. Now I have read more than enough posts about "Good Guys" and why the women don't recognize what they are placed there for, and I'm here to tell you that I can't give the answer. Women, indeed, are smart creatures. They can foresee a place of events before it even happens. They know what their future holds if they end up with a particular person before they even meet them. But for some reason, when it comes down to the good-good shit, there is a halt. I'm wondering, do we stop ourselves because it's too good to be true? Or are we just plan ol' stupid stubborn?

In this song... "Good Guy" definitely went gangsta! And I don't blame his ass. This dude has been there, watched her pain and suffering, listened to the cries, and the extra bullshit that comes with being on the outside listening in. His words relieve pain like percocets. Now that's some good shit! Now that you're all cried out, after he's made you feel better, after the laughing and giggling and shit... you have thought no more about the asshole that has left you in this fucked up ass state of mind. Always let the next move be your best move. This is where "Good Guy" comes up with an answer; "leave that shit alone and come be with me." Is it really that simple? Honestly, YES! it is. I'll tell you how in a minute. But instead, we stay right where the fuck we are lingering in tears, hair loss, weight loss, and agony. Pouting in our own stink faces and attitudes from hell. It's our own faults! Did Lil Wayne and T-Pain have the right to curse us out?! Hellz Yeah they did! I have to admit ladies, we deserved that one.

Under my investigation and recounts of my past, let me tell you how simple this shit is to just get up, let go of the bullshit and go. You see, "Good Guy" already knows every single thing there is to know, except how good the pussy feels. On that note, let me also add, he is nothing but an absolute gentlemen about touching on the subject of sex so there are no awkward moments. He's so in tuned with her aura that it's scary. Her in's and outs, her life stories that she probably has never told to the "ex-bastard" or even her best friend, when she bleed's, maybe even how often she and "stupid" use to fuck, EVERYTHING!! But through it all, he is willing to carry whatever baggage she has hanging from her ass. It doesn't matter how many kids she has, how many people she's fucked, what grimey shit she has done in her past. He is already on top of how he is going to make it all better. No need to think about anything, he's already thinking for her. As a matter of fact, he's been stacking up a life saving's fund for when her and her 6 kids arrive.

He has an answer for everything, so to be honest, there aren't any excuses. Unless you are leaving behind a totally joy fulfilled life (which we know is bullshit because you are crying to his ass about the fight you and stupid just had), a great job, or sick parents, there are no excuses. The kid's schools? Friends? Is that the best you can come up with?

SO now... what is it ladies? What is really holding us back from the absolutely fan-tab-ulous-ly GREAT shit?! As a woman... I still don't get it. You could have any and everything you have ever wanted, but still and yet, we "stuck stupid sticking to "his" ass" *in my Taraji voice from Baby Boy*. I couldn't even begin to try to analyze the situation. Even as I am listening to the song, taking my cussing out from Lil Wayne, I can't even come up with the slightest ounce of a comeback. All I can say is, "you're right Wayne, you are absolutely right." and shake my head in embarassment. Without a doubt, the good guy is indeed a secret weapon. Fuck the AK-47, more like a RPG-7 one hitta-quitta (sorry... that's what a relationship of "Call of Duty" will do to you) You run to this guy for any and everything, however, once shit is going good with you and you-know-who, he's on the back-burner like the pot of food that takes the longest to cook. Wow! at the end of the day, you are really treating "him" like shit. But he still wants to be there for every single moment you awake on the wrong side of the bed because all he wants to do is to make it go away and to know that you are feeling better... wit' yo ignorant ass!!!! Jesus Christ!! Who does this?! (Pardon me, I had a moment right there).

In closing, I should come to you, as a woman, and say how much stupidity and ignorance is being shown in this scenario. But I think Lil Wayne and T-Pain handled that rather well. So you don't need to hear it from me. You definitely don't need to hear it from me if I have never taken my own advice in handling my very own situations. How can someone be too compassionate? Too understanding? Too kind and caring? Too much of a "real" man? It doesn't make sense? 100% lack of common sense. And there you have it, good guys finsh last AND go gangsta.

Until next time bloggers... keepin it G

Flexible Pussy: A Man's Sideline Hoe

Now I thought long and hard about this. Figured I might get a few people panties in a wad. So call it what you like! Furthermore, I show no discrimination because I have served this position before. As I mentioned in "Ego", we all have known a man. Let's, also, move on to say that most of us (women) have probably been cheated on by a man. That's cool too. We get over it. So let's check these men!

First and foremost, let's except the fact that if pussy is slanging in thin air, that basically means it's up for grabs. Why walk pass the last clearance item that you ultimately need... or don't need. Who cares? It's on sale and it will be useful at some point, right? This is what flexible pussy is. Readily available at the drop of a dime. Easy and willing to be as hospitable as a man would like for her to be. Her purpose is to be everything that his "main" woman is not.... flexible pussy! Proportionate servings on a silver platter. Keep up ladies!

The man's "closet freak" comes out and she caters to his inner inhibitions that he probably never knew he had. Or... maybe he did, but felt that he didn't want to put the wifey/"shelf bitch" in these awkward postions. So is he really thinking about her feelings? Because, apparently he is still hanging around for a reason. Right? But note the stupidity here: you will never know if you don't ask. The woman at home, more than likely, is a bigger freak than he is. Probably an even bigger freak than the sideline hoe! BUT, now that he has his new toy for Christmas, it indeed brings out the best in him (for the sideline) or the worst (for wifey).

I love my "self studies". So I decided to ask a few anonymous' the question of why do men cheat?

Response 1: I don't know. <<< this is code for, I'm not telling on anybody.

Response 2: He was unhappy, he's there for the kids, and she allows him to. But it really all boils down to, he can get away with it <<<< basically... he's comfortable. "His" cake and smothered in chocolate too.;) It get's no better than this!

Response 3: He just loves women. <<<< "My" response? It ain't that much love in this world.

Response 4: "If I got a bad chic and I mess up once that don't mean I don't love her. flesh gets weak".... and then it goes on to say along the lines, "but through all of that she could possibly be hitting on his self esteem. Maybe she don't listen enough. Maybe he has to change himself around her." <<< *face on the floor* Awww, you poor punk!!!

Now, let's work with what we have here. As you can see, not much of real answers (not to me, anyway). And these are coming from actual men. lol. You see, things like this is what helps us to understand why women refer to men as dogs. They're stupid, if not properly trained. You have to keep them in the house, in a cage or chained up to a tree because they will stray. Ahhhh... now it makes sense. All up in someone else's yard but always returning to where they rest. Why don't you just stay wherever you found the bone?

So getting back to the point, there is no doubt what the sideline hoe represents and what she is really there for. It's assumingly, to do all things that "wifey" no doubtingly, can do... but, who has that kind of time? It's wifey's job to hold down the fort. Apparently some type of foundational bullshit has had to have been established between the "cheater" and "wifey", however, she has lost her flexibility to be either what she use to be or what he had always hoped for. A fucking SuperWoman that doesn't, and never will exist. Ignorant on his behalf, lazy and impatient. So this is where "sideline hoe" steps in and assumes the position. We're going to keep it simple, "sideline hoe" gets no respect and needs to know her place. She is to be fucked and fucked only, and to never speak a word of it. Not to be confused with "Mistress", but that's another post. It's a secret... so don't tell noooo-body!

And of all stories complete with the most fascinating irony, even if "cheater" were to lose the "wifey", he never usually settles for the "flexible pussy". LOL!!! It's just too easy. Sucks to be you!

Until next time bloggers... keep it tight!