It's the start of 2012 and everyone is on the rampage with these New Year Resolutions. I feel it's time for me to get my shit in order as well. I'm a notch away from 30 and nowhere near where I need to be and no sense of direction as to where I'm going. I'm feeling like it may be a little too late in the game to be hitting rush hour traffic. But my "Grind Mode" says otherwise OR maybe it's this BIG 3-0 that keeps slapping the shit out of me. Thinking back to age 20, I don't even think I gave age 30 a second thought. Hell! A first thought, lol. I knew I was going to be somewhere but didn't think that it would be here... writing to you. But the issue doesn't fall there because I'm in love with the words that flow across this screen... ha, ha, and YOU, of course!!
First off, let's just clarify the fact that I am content with my life. Hmmmm.... content?! Not enough for me. I want to be fucking ecstatic while loathing in comfortability. Sometimes I think to myself that it's ashame how I can brainstorm some shit, know exactly what to do and how to get it but it never gets done. Then, after my time has passed that which I assigned to myself, I think back believing that maybe that wasn't the plan for me anyway. In which, apparently it couldn't have been because it never happened. "Follow your passion Candi! Follow your heart." Whatever. Let's think realistic stocks and bonds and shit. I got the motivation. Always had it. I'm just a hard-head ass procrastinater. I'm simple. I like simple shit. But I think I need a taste of some complexity. So I vowed to be on my "hustle" game in this new year. After all, this is the year the world is suppose to end, right? lol So let's go out with a bang. Yes! Work overload. I needs that in my life. Big changes! Stability within myself and my household, all whilest setting GREAT examples for my seeds.
You never understand the real-ness behind those birthday decorations that announce the ages and come up with those silly slogans such as "over the hill" until you start hitting those numbers. 30! 40! 50! Oh man, what the fuck have I been doing with my life? Come to find out, life really wasn't that simple. As a matter of fact, the bitch really did pass us by just like mom always said it would. And we create resolutions to fulfill a need of resolve. Issues that may have been lingering for days, months or even years. So we put our faith into the refreshing feeling of the newness. A fresh start. Each year means something. Each year introduces something: a hurdle to be jumped, a mission completed, surprises prevailed. Who knows. It's all in what you make it, so you have to make it a good one. And honestly, how many people do we know stick to the game plan throughout the entire year? I can call my first fault, already. I was suppose to work on my potty mouth, however we all know that bullshit plan was shot all to hell. LOL! But you see, that's not the most important factor anyway, so we'll just continue to focus on making this money.
In the meantime, I have a duty to fulfill. I'm not lacking an ounce of anything right now but sanity. If you are a faithful reader, I'm sure you've skimmed the phrase of me reciting, "I hold strong to my faith." Indeed I do, however I let life take over which means I neglect myself, which ALSO mean, I'm not multi-tasking enough. SO, while I'm all caught up in the mix and mastering everyone else's happiness, I need to include me in there somewhere whether it's a candybar or a pair of earrings... for ME! ( I would like to give myself a pat on the back because I've already put this one to the test)I base my kids happiness on a materialistic scale. I'll admit, it's a busted ass move! I own that one. I make my family happy on a "yes man" scale. Or more like, ask me a question and my answer's "OK". Then I'm happy once my duties are complete. Only because I finally get to sit down somewhere... or do I? Could someone speculate this paragraph and tell me where I went wrong? lol. It's a new year, so it's very important for me to call my own flaws. I'm indeed your SuperWoman, but there is no pleasure behind this strength or the fact that I've saved over a thousand lives. I want to save the lives and go back to my secret hideout knowing that the mission was complete in the fashion I had strived for. Not that the mission was complete due to the fact I just so happened to have lucked up.
Until next time bloggers... Happy New Year...
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