The Domino Effect

"Cause": something that makes something else happen. To determine the cause: ask "Why Did it Happen?"

"Effect": what happens as a result of the cause. To determine the effect: ask "What Happened?"

Here it is, only a few days later, and I'm still on my 2012 rampage. Soul-searching much and coming up with new editions to add to Project:Work Overload. This is taking much meditation practice and wu-saa moments, especially for me. In the mist of my progression, of course, it is only right to analyze my love-life, right? 2011 started out on the worst foot possible, but I lived, learned and conquered. I say all of that to say this, back in June when I originally started blogging, my posts consisted of me finding myself after this devastating-send-me-to-hell-break-up, adapting to the single life, and coming to terms with my meeting of the "real" person who I thought I knew for 4 and a half years, guess we could add a few bullets containing drama and maybe a small fine print notion about the fact that some people just can't live without one another... OR are too lazy to try. Feel free to backtrack to "the beginning" if you like. I was in a bad place.

Anywho, shout outs to my inspirational muse ;) (he knows who he is) for the inspiration behind my madness (LMAO! so Random). Meantime while in the process of being inspired, I started thinking to myself that I needed to backtrack within this relationship. If my plan is to be happy, then I need to be happy all over. My "pending" and I ended up together under copulating circumstances LOL! and we had been together ever since. Let me explain!! lol It was definitely not intentional... the togetherness, I mean. The sex was intentional. *smh* I can't deny that we mesh well and get along better than the best of besties... at times. It was like this come start of "night 1" lol. Well, duuuuhhh. Thing of it is, it just continued. However, everyone has their flaws and disagree at some point, if not all points. Further into our future, after the guaranteed officialness, is where I learned that women definitely mature faster than men and that it is really easy to become wrapped up in someone and to lose sight of yourself and everyone else around you. This is where the disagreements began. But to make a long story short, we kissed and made up, BUT I'm not satisfied with just this on top of a puney inch of animosity due to the way things ended. Just horrible I tell you!

OK, make sure you keep up, because we are about to set the pieces back up to this "Domino Effect". Stepping into 2012 and realizing I want more for myself than I have ever imagined before (yes! my ass is on a high horse right now) I also decided to put a dent in this "pending" relationship. I wanted to test the waters. As if the relationship hadn't already been tested, but that's like your basic bullshit. There's a difference in there somewhere. When I figure it out, I'll let you know, lol. I'm zoned in my focal point right now though. SO... Point is!!... I am no longer afraid of being alone or fear the embaressment behind not being with my second child's father. In other words, I don't have time for bullshit and some things just need to be got over, and plus I have other more important things that I am trying to get done. It would be nice to have the "norm" get your shit together, grow up, get married, and have kids, timeline. But, as you can see, I'm way off that road to success but successful, I can still be! LOL! Damn this bitch is bad! Get like me...

Moving along, I brought up removing the sex out of our relationship. Yes, I was sober. Conversation went rather well, too. My first initial thought was to hold out a year. That did seem to be a little farfetched for the mere fact we do have sex on a regular basis and have been for the past 5 years AND sleep together for the most part. Ok, so we narrowed it down to 6 months and then we ended up at 3. We are not having sex for 3 months just as if we had just met (well another couple, not us lol) The reason being... this is what brought us together in the first place. If I remove the first domino that which started the chiming to the effects after pushing that one, I figured we could really find within ourselves what it is that holds us together OR what has kept us together. We have good conversation, he's a great father, amongst other small qualities but that's not enough. There are quite a few grey areas that need major maintenance. I don't deny that I'm flawed too. But I'm looking forward to a more grown-up lifestyle.... since I'm about to be grown-up and all, lol. 30... smh. It's not that I need "more", I need "different."

He asked where was this coming from. Who wouldn't? Questioned my fidelity. lol. Who wouldn't? He asked why. Who wouldn't? Me: I know there has to be more to us than just living a basic day to day life and coming up with new ways to bring excitment to the bedroom. The creativity aspect is really fun. Who knew that sex would still be great every time, even after 5 years? I guess I'm broadening my horizons, finding other hobbies (blogging) lol. But, a regular routine consists of going to work, I come home and do my chores at the house and with the kids. He may come over or he may hang out with his boys, play his Xbox, go to the club... see the picture here? It means I need to get my groove back. Feeling bound to my duties and responsibilities for him aren't actually necessities or mandatory. You see, here we are, getting lost again. He has his life and I need mine. In this particular set of click-clacks, referencing back to the "domino effect", I can say that we were probably in year 3, after our daughter was born and then somehow, my "wife" instincts kicked in. I was playing "house" with the same man/little boy that I had met 3 years ago. No growth (on his behalf), no moving forward... just a baby. I definitely have to pick my pieces up here. Without a doubt, I devote myself and time to my babies, however "momma, gotta have a life too" *in Juanita's voice from Baby Boy* I think I need to get rid of that movie (random)

Now, if you lost me along the way, feel free to leave your questions in the comment box below. But to sum things up, Domino Effect: a chain reaction that occurs when a small change causes a similar change nearby, which then will cause another similar change, and so on in linear sequence, courtesy of Wikipedia ;) So within my effects and occuring changes, instead of my dominoes falling into the right ordinance, they kind of went lope-sided. If improvement is what one craves and like me, you hate the feeling of defeat... then we must pick up the pieces and start over again. Within my linear equation of dominoes, I will be removing some pieces and maybe adding editional ones. This gives me the option to choose which track I would like to stay on. If one domino just doesn't stand well between the others, then I have to make my permanent fixation and kindly pluck his little ass to the "layout" pile, (domino terminology, courtesy of google) ;) LMAO!! And it's back to the "boneyard" I go, to insert new.

Personally, I think I'm off to a good start!

Until next time bloggers... Domino!!!