My Lust, My Love, and My Necessity

I gaze out of the glass door, only to entrap myself in the middle of the glass pane. I'm caught up in the thoughts that swarm and overthrow my state of conciousness. *umph* I want him. I want him badly. I remain in a state of confusion, trying to problem solve the mathematical formula where I keep trying to test my theory that infinite has to break down somewhere. Is it healthy to want some body so badly? Lust and love remains at war but I try to intervene and put my heart where my lust stands. How backwards of me. How does someone get comfortably wrapped in assurance for the well-being of another? First sight... something is triggered. Fired. An eruption ;) I am controlled by him. Overwhelmed with intensity of whatever it is that attracts. Heavily sedated. Bound by roots but I feel connected to his soul. My history lists that we were once in love. My history lists that we were compelled to one another. Drawn to each other by some sort of magnetic field, lead to believe that fate was all we had. I get weak. Illusive with flashbacks of empowered love making, hardcore fuck slaying, and remote passion. Something endearing. Something that leaves me lusting for more of what use to be.

My Love outlines a timeline of life. A life completed. A life created. A life consisting of future existence. Nestled in so tightly building a bond connected with ropes welded like ball and chain. A connection that connected with the intent to commit a blissful state of romance. Soulmate capacity. Hearts beating to the same rhythm and blood flowing like the stream of a river. He is my composure. My adulthood. My here and now. My sanity. Oriented and ordained to life's pleasures: family, 360 degrees in unbreakable angles. I commit to my love knowing that my safety lies here. Shared responsibilities. Shared dreams. Shared wants and needs. Shared everything. Defiant to my lust and oblivious to my necessity. I stand here bolted to the one thing that keeps me rooted to a foundation conjuring up the American Dream. My life is my love. My love is my lust and my necessity made official to assume all positions that which I search. My love is just that, my love. A company within a company. An incorporation evolving into a signature life form.

But what I need? What I need is confirmed evaluation as a woman, a mother, wife, lover and friend. Confirmation stands firm with my necessity and never have I been devalued or demoralized for the actions that which I have performed. My necessity is deep. A category all in it's own. He's my self esteem. He's my qualities. My motivation. My good spirit. My essence, tears. He's everything that I never knew I had in me. He confirms. He backs the background that he continuously tries to place me in. No remorse for the wait or the time span built in. He's what I need and more. Needless to say, I know what he should be to me but life lead me elsewhere. The history continues to accumulate in between, but distance falls in the crevices. Timing calculates years behind time. I continue to subdue the energies that keeps my backbone erect. I feed off of the "unwanted" uplifts and laughter. He shouldn't be able to make me this happy. He shouldn't be able to put me in a place that completes my purpose for living life the way that I do. He's not my love or my lust but the necessity that would prioritize my existence. The completion.

Until next time bloggers...