Over this time period in the history and the making of my life, I've ran into men that continuously have the urge to better themselves than the last man that you were with. It's always a competition: who has the bigger tv, the bigger wallet, the best sex, whose better looking, the better swag, the best taste in apparrel. They love to receive that feedback. I admit, girls... we do help out in a lot of ways with the uplifting of our "master's" self esteems. As a matter of fact, between the mothers (which lead to the momma's boys) and the girlfriends or friends who are girls (which lead to total assholes) we play a very high position in coaching. We put their asses right where they would like to be, not necessarily where they need to be. Then we step back and have a looksy at our finished product and realized we are the ones that created this damn monster.
First case scenario: I've never been the type to talk about my past relationships with the present persuee. I feel there is no need. Apparently I left him for a reason and I am with you for a totally different reason which apparently I wasn't receiving from this person (not necessarily the last man) so I sought out and found whatever it is that I am looking for in whoever. Whatever! It doesn't make a difference. I have also witnessed the forever-fuck-up of telling someone of my past to only have it thrown back in my face. You know.... those serious fights when yelling from wall to wall and then.... BAM!!! Him: "Oh Oh, it's like that?! Well why don't you go back to that n*ga that was whooping your ass, see how well he treat you!!" *EEeeekkkk* I could just scream! And see this is where I would probably pick up something and throw it. And technically, since I just knocked you upside the head with a pack of chicken, now you know who was really getting their ass whooped.
Then we come to the next killer which would be this most recent scenario: Female friends and Facebook, although I'm not on Facebook any more. Females are grimey creatures. Of course, I would know this because I am one (female, that is. Not grimey) Anywho, if you care about me, how can you allow these "females" (I'll be nice) to just expose themselves like they do (ie. FB commentation, wall post, what have you) Not that I have a problem with friends of the opposite sex, but there comes a line to be drawn. His reply, "I can't help these females like what they see." LMAO!!! Oh really! OK! Where did all this macho-macho come from?! Now let me give you a piece of my ego. Honestly, them bitches (oh yeah, now I'm mad) wouldn't want you if they hadn't of seen you with me. On top of the fact that I'm not flashy, I don't wear heels to the grocery store, I don't rock the fake lashes and I rock the natural look. I have some pretty ass babies, nice home, no drama and I have a nice looking man (I admit) whom I like to decorate from time to time and take care of. Oh yea, and don't forget, I'm still pretty as hell: slim, trim and fit and I don't even work out. Yes, actually the bitches wish they could be ME.
SO.. the list goes on.... I sit back and I listen to them boast and rave about themselves after sex (to me). "Yea baby! I tore that pussy up! Did I tear it up bae?! Didn't I?!" uugghh. I never give a response. Always a straight face or maybe I just might laugh it off as I get up to go to the bathroom or roll over to light my black. smh. I can't even talk about how I felt at whatever moment you did something totally amazing because it's only going to make your ego hungrier for more. Hungry for my feedback, not for round 2. I mean really fellas.. it kind of downs the mood. Be egotistical about your performance (not the bang-bang, see how loud you can make the bed squeek) and if you are doing anything right, make sure that it's the type of performance she likes, to begin with. It's ok for the pornstar mode from time to time but we like it slow and intimate too. Most women settle for whatever in the bedroom (from their official boo) as long as the size isn't ridiculously puney and they are not doing any out-of-the-ordinary bullshit (ie. R. Kelly's definition of making it rain). BUT.. let's pump our breaks! It's not just about the kinks. Those egos blow up to be so big, we can actually create a full days worth of man-on-man thrashing.
There are different qualities at different levels in different people. Everyone has their preference of what is held accountable, at most, as opposed to the other qualities that we could possibly get by without. One things for certain, you can't shake that ego. A man likes to feel.... hmmm.... macho. They like to feel that they are the one. Who doesn't like to be made to feel like they, in fact, are the King/Queen of the throne?! But because I tend to fall into the old-fashioned category from time to time and cater to my man because I love the way that he treats me, does not mean that you are the best-est thing to ever happen to me. Just because you can make me scream and moan and talk shit in the heat of the moment does not mean you are the best love-maker I have ever had. Shit! who knows.. I might just be faking in which we women do rather well. Half the time, I'm not even paying attention to the way you dress unless their is a dress code and if your car can get me from Point A to Point B, I don't think that the size of the rims or even the paint job would have anything to do with the trip to and fro. I can see a 32 inch flat screen just fine and HD, 3D and all that TV talk is like another language. As a matter of fact, I don't even watch TV that much. I have my own money, so yours doesn't make too much of a difference OUT of my pocket because it's not IN my pocket. When did being a show-off become such a sport? Either you are trying to make an impression on me or you are trying to impress all of the past men I have been with. And to not try to stomp on anyone's self-esteem, but it would take ALL of my past men put together to equal up to ONE great man. Trust me honeys... this is virtually impossible because nobody is perfect.
I love confidence in a person. But I also love humbleness and a show of confidence in discretion. I have other ways to make you feel or even know that you are good to me. And my show of affection doesn't need the extra boost of me having to actually tell you that you are the shit. Group therapy session: let's all join hands now ad work on our self-esteems. LOL! If you know and feel that you are the shit, I don't think it needs to be announced to the whole world and you definitely would not need confirmation for any of it. People go out of their way for the material, for the outside appearances but the insides need a hell of a lot of work. Just put up a sign that says "Under Construction". I would totally understand.
Ending things on a good note... you are beautiful and I love you just the way you are. Until next time bloggers, it's what's on the inside that counts (and sometimes the size) LOL! *kisses*
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