R.I.P.

As we bow our heads on this day, to lay to rest the bullshit... it is safe to say that we can rejoice and be glad that it is gone!!  The big finale of what once felt like wedded bliss has finally made you come to your senses and realize that it wasn't going to work anyway.  It is now dead and stankin and buried 6 ft deep.  Whatever the situation may have been that brought you to your final thoughts about what is right and what is wrong, you should be happy that this part of your life is over and its 1 less dramatical error you have to deal with.

There comes a time when we have to realize that our efforts can actually be too much.  Some say that you should fight for what you believe in.  But I feel like you can fight so hard that it will tear your self esteem inside, out.  If no one can return the same amount of investment in you that you put in them, then you have to know that the person is definitely not worth it and there is no way that a person is going to change overnight.  Why do we tend to hold onto the past so tight? Given the reasons why your relationship ended in the first place, people tend to hold onto what they use to know and somehow actually believe that you can get it back. "People don't change, they just become more of who they really are."  If your man didn't become more of a family man and quit playing the video games, then it was never instilled in him to be that in the first place.  If your woman never stays home and is always running to the club or bar with her girls, then it was never in her to be the woman that you expected her to be. 

Most everyone talks about what they would like for their future to be like with the person that they claim they love.  This usually happens in the beginning of the relationship when the 2 of you are getting to know one another.  This is where the real attraction sets in because after we pass the physical aspect of this human being, the next test is their speaking abilities and to see if they actually have some real common sense.  I know this is going to sound hella funny but even if you have sex the first night, if you take the time to talk to that person afterwards... believe it or not, it can actually lead to a whole new attraction.  Although we all know this is not the way to go but I do not pass judgement on no one. This is what brings the actual relationship together: the conversation, the chemistry (not sex), the energies. Great sex is a wonderful bonus. And if you can have it all, then congrats to you! I have endured relationships where the sex was not all that great, however the mind stimulation was fantastic.  Think you can have a relationship based souly off the fact that the sex is great? Hell no!! You are looking at a barrel full of rotten apples.  And thus we have "fuck buddies".  But getting back to the real deal.  We're taking a look at this real relationship that was once everything that you wanted it to be.  I read an article that gave most relationships a total of 3 years before partners actually started getting tired of one another or aggravated by habits of the other.  I strongly believe that this is true.  And anyone who can make it pass that and maybe an additional few more years are the ones who end up married. Unfortunately this is not me.

So now, here we are pass this "3 year" honeymoon period. Shit starts to get a little hectic but nothing that you can't handle. No one is thinking before they speak and the anger that builds up between the both of you seems as if you may have had some issues in your childhood ;) lol! But all jokes aside, caring is just not caring anymore and the love is not the love that it use to be.  Yes the 2 of you may still consider yourselves together or even living together, but I think (and this is just my opinion) that the only reason the 2 of you are still there and will not bust a move is because its comfortable.  You 2 have achieved a relationship like no other because even your best friend has no idea that you chew your toenails in bed at night.  These are the exceptions that you have made for this person and there is no other that wont mind ducking and dodging them fungus filled nails as you spit them across the room.  (by the way, this is just an example) This is also what we hold onto.  But now things are getting too heated and it finally comes to an end, or doesn't it? 

Now we are at the back and forth game of tug of war.  I love you! No, I love you! But no one is really making an effort to get back together. Or let's use my case for example. He tells me how he feels and says that he wants to work on us.  Well that means that WE are working on US, or at least thats what is suppose to be happening.  Well I'm working and he's not.  And then this is where the bullshit gets old.  A little too old to keep functioning and therefore it needs to be laid to rest.  "I don't give a fuck" attitudes gets you know where in life in any situation.  It only creates more heartache and pain for yourself and soon enough you realize that you have burned so many bridges, there is nothing left out there for you to hold onto.  Excuse me for a sec, lemme come back to the general public LOL!!  You can't put in work for 2 people. You are you and they are them.  Your time and effort could be spent on hobbies, or your kids, your friends, a new love, anything.  How long does it take you to come to this realization that it's never going to work?  Your partner has to finally do something that will make you fall flat on your face and rip you of all your dignity before you see that you have been ass-out all this time just because THEY told you that they wanted to work things out.  If you ask me, usually the person who fucked the shit up to begin with should be the one putting in all of the work. But it's really the person who cares and loves the most that end up putting in all the work.  Which means that you are the weakest link.  We all know that it will take you longer than most to finally put the bullshit to the side and start digging its grave.

This is how we grow and learn. We take it and charge it to the game and then we have created another fucked up individual. Gut instincts are always right.  If you feel it deep down in your soul, the bottom of your belly... if you feel it in your heart, then IT IS OVER!!! Let that thing go.  It's never going to be. And the only way it will be is if that bastard bends over backwards and kiss your ass.  But we all know that will never happen.  Yep this all sounds good and the other saying goes "practice what you preach" but I know I'll probably be the first one to break this rule and push aside all of reality which has smacked me in the face quite a few times.  One thing's about it, if I could face the fact that once it's dead, then it is gone forever;  I will finally be free. Just a little side note:  I think I could live without this drama and emotional rollercoaster ;) But as for now, I am happy to say that it is resting in peace.