Closure

Someone told me "you need closure"
And I went... wtf I look like?!
I don't do exposure
And this?! This is the only way I'm suppose to get over?
I completely went sober
Fell back and lost all my composure

I don't want it!
I think it makes me weak
I would rather feel the wrath of being incomplete
Live my life even if I lost the title for defeat

"You owe it to yourself" .. FOR WHAT?!
I found my self help
Putting energy into writing is a good enough step

Closure?!
I did what I was suppose to
He was the one acting brand new

It was him! It was him!
It was all his fault!
And I need closure because technically, he never got caught?
I'm like the lil kid surrounded by the bullies that taunt
Standing in the middle of the cemetery where ghosts haunt
The sight of you would make me choke!
I just don't have it in me and I won't.

I'm choosing to carry this weight...
My heart is chained and tied, locked in a crate
I need closure on THAT door
Not the person who put end to our fate

I left a life of masochism
No integrity, no pride!
I got pushed down face first,
Not to mention the 2 that never leave my side

"That closure shall set you free"
Nope! Nope! it does absolutely nothing for me
Un-fulfill my circle
I think I can live without being complete

I think I would rather waddle in the bullshit confusions
Figuring out busted ass conclusions
Looking back on the contusions
I think I can live without this intrusion

My face wet with tears
My mind never clears
I don't need no damn closure!
What is left to hear?
This waaaay too much emphasis on whats already settled and drear
Adding more fuel to the fire?!
Fuck it! Just strip the gears!
I would rather not know why we didn't last just a few more years

Can't you tell
I'm not taking this lightly
Well over the edge and heavy meds nightly
Just a touch of psycho.. slightly
I thought I had my arms around "My God" so tightly!
And you want me to close the doors on the 1 lil sec that was soo unsightly?
That caved in MY whole world and the jury's still trying ME!!
Put in a state of helplessness, asking the Lord to guide me
So you think I need closure for this anger streak
Deadbolt the door to the history that tied me

Guess I'm a special case,
Cause without it, I still rest
No! My conscience is not clear but I still perform at my best.
Closure! What closure!?
My soul was closed out and denied from her quest
As if her self esteem hadn't already been laid to rest
And don't even worry about the years of invest
I performed surgery on myself and cracked open my chest

Throwing myself pity parties
Praying to hear the words "I'm sorry"
NOW this closure is looking a bit starry...

Galaxies, new universes, unicorns and rainbows
I can't set myself up for what these past 5 years posed
No one hears my words and no one knows...
You would think it'll be hella easy to let these doors close
Do you really think there is a better way this story could be told?

How inadequate I perceived to be
Or how the fire and sexy was gone in me
How I wasn't worth child #3
Or maybe how you don't want THIS particular family
And its other places you would rather be
Leave me wondering "what happened to me"
I don't want to face the reality
I don't want the closure
Just let it be...