So, since this is my blog, let's talk about me. Let's dig deep into one of the most common debates between the sexes. Because I want to know who makes up the do's and the don'ts when it comes down to major break-ups. And of course, we will begin by going off of my experiences because I don't care too much for anyone else's.
OK I say that to get to this point... here we are at almost 5 years (or was), and I think what I am trying to figure out is how do you or should you even re-consider your motives after the way the relationship ended, not why but how? This is going to sound crazy but technically, no one even knows "why", not he or I know "why" it ended and on the note that it did and the way that it did.... yep! it's possible. OK so regardless of what was going on in the house, just know that no one walked in on their partner fucking someone else in our bed. And really, there wasn't anything to be mad about in the first place if you ask me. Yes I do admit that there had been some tension in the house for the past couple of months merely do to lack of communication among another incident that should have never taken place, however, NOW I'm thinking that it just may have been for the better. So, while randomly stating generalized facts, the real fact of the matter is that... my shit was put on the porch (literally) that night between 1 and 2 in the morning. Not to mention that, it's probably a good thing that when I first initially got mad at the total ass he was being, I went ahead and put the kids in the car because it really turned ugly after that.
So... now my world is over! This was the person that I was in love with and had been in love with for a very long time. We eventually was going to get married (or so I thought) Depressed, not eating, weight lost and all while I have to act like absolutely nothing is wrong in the public eye and of course my kids (which are most important). All while he is enjoying his new found status of being "single" and partying at the clubs every given chance with the friends that were and had always been his first priority (which was also one of the issues at hand). ....... Once we get pass this stage of drama, not speaking, and of course "the baby"... good terms finally set in and then this is where the real shit begins. Mixed emotions and feelings about what was once there or what could have still been there if only the misunderstanding that night had been understood from the very beginning. Keyword: Communication! Let me reiterate a few things... this could be any situation but the example I'm giving is mine.
OK now... HOT TOPIC!!!... What do you do?! You give in? You become submissive to the temptations that always had your panties in a bunch since the first time you met? Do you put all your apples back into this barrel and hope that without the "realistic" care, another apple tree will grow? LMAO!! Picture that! .... Whoa!!! Here we go.... this is where the roller coaster gets bumpy going "uphill". So they say, "I wanna work things out." (LLS! you know as I tell this story, I find myself more and more amusing) OK now... we all know how things ended... very, very ugly! The 2 of you being grown and I'm going to assume in sound body and mind, know that there is a slight bit of hesitation. You want to but you don't want to. Way too much invested, however, a lot of those investments aren't worth the embarrassment and heartache that was endured during the time of the War. And on top of that, it's going to be waaaayyyy more work trying to work out a relationship that was once in the same household for a lil over 4 years. Well, let's be honest here, the fact of the matter is "hellz yeah". You would be willing to do anything to make your "marriage" (in your mind) work. You are in love but it's somehow apparent that, he's a man! And I'm starting to learn that their "in love" is not the, or better yet, nowhere near what we (us women) consider it to be. This is the bullshit you have been settling with since the beginning of time. Let's be honest ladies, fuck that bullshit about the man working and whatever else nonsense. I wouldn't want to be classified as one because they're weak and lazy, and women work 10x's harder in any given job whether its a real job, marriage, mother, dammit ladies! we are maids in our own homes!!! Well that's another blog. However, you put your heart and soul into this man. Sacrifices out the wa-zoo, your life is pretty much over because you would rather devote your time to the development of that bullshit you see on TV, LOL!
Alright... well you are putting in the work. All you needed was a go-ahead that it was ok for you to come back in. But wait a min... not so fast. You are still on the outside of the door where you once use to be on the inside of... Bitch, you don't have a key! Your key! or any body's key! the locks have been changed. How embarrassing is it to knock on the door of a house that you, at one point, use to live in and pay bills in and you actually still have shit in that belongs to you. SMH!!! I think I have just answered my own question. Life still goes on for him. And you are not allowed to spend the night unless it's on his terms. Do you see where we are going with this? OK so... let's think about this thing. Grow your balls back and collect some damn dignity about yourself. Where does the foot get put down at? I mean... do you go with the flow? His flow that is. Or do you put your foot down and come to some type of agreement as to how this shit is going to work, that is, if it's even gonna work at all. Or "fuck it"! Move the fuck on and use that bastard for a play toy the way he is basically trying to use you.
You're a wimp!! So you keep your options open, go on a date or 2 or at least pretend like you did. Maybe a few girl night outs and in the meantime the phone calls and text messages from you to him, have now died down. You have not one brittle bone in your body to snip that bastard with even if you indented them yourself. Sooooo.... instead of the push over demanding ways you got kicked off with in the beginning (when the guns let off at the start of the race), you lay low and if it just so happens that you end up over there one day, or night, then so be it. At least this way you feel comfortable with knowing it wasn't you begging and pleading at the door. Yeah the same door that use to be yours as well.
Have we gotten to the point where this story gets justified? Most of this is about me and other random thoughts and questions are just that, random. However, whose to say what you should or shouldn't do? I know not me and that's apparently evident. However, you can't help how you feel about a certain person and maybe it is right for people to keep going back just to get this person out of their system. Maybe we need to consider rehab for "People Against People". You truly can become addicted to somebody. Who knew?! How do you know that if you walk away completely, what this path would be like? Well.. I'm gonna assume that it wouldn't be all too great starting out the way its starting out, AGAIN!! But as you hang up your emotions and they began to fade and you break away from the bad habits that you had created for yourself due to the fact that love can make you do crazy things.... this person is back at it again. I call it, keeping one at arms reach. Because one things about it, you will never be too far away where they can't get to you. And in my case, I have one fortunate misfortune because of the fact that we have a child together. I've never dreamed of going through the back and forth baby momma/baby daddy drama. One minute they together and the next minute, they are slandering each others name on Facebook. Being the one with the "most common sense" of what to do and what not to do when it comes down to those compromising situations, it became clear to me that I had never been in one of these compromising situations and never knew or understood why love make us all do crazy, unforgivable and unforgettable shit!! OMG!!! If you were happy then, whose to say that you couldn't be happy again? in love again (on both ends)? "Pure love produces pure nonsense" ... I love this quote. It stands so corrected because if you really look at it, even if you are still with your partner, bf/gf, husband/wife, family member, best friends... you still or have already put yourself into compromising situations in order for the 2 of you to plan ol' just work. Who the hell knows how to answer any of the questions I just asked or what the outcome will be. But believe me, once I find out... I will be the first to let you know.
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