"Pending" (as you guys have heard me mention quite a few times) is a regular conversation peice when it comes to my inner semi-circle. Not so much of those conversations, that the normal flock-of-chickens gathering would consist of, but more of everyone trying to understand me, or better yet, the situation. I'm not a complicated person and pretty much laid back, no matter how rough life situations can seemingly be. I have to admit, my life can seem pretty simple. Work, kids, no drama, no extras, just me.... and then there's "Pending", the most drama clinched in one soul. But when you have people that have known you most of your life and have been there amongst you and your situations when being dealt with (such as this one), they find themselves being more confused than I am. I'm Candi. What you see is what you get and either you get the truth or nothing at all. I had to learn a long time ago on how to keep my forth-right attitude to a minimum for the mere fact I have the tendency to hit with very low blows. So in hopes to not burn bridges with anyone or to hurt anyone's feelings, I have taught myself to remain at peace within my auroa. I'm not a shit-talker, nor am I a good communicator (lol, on a lighter note) How does this connect to the pending?
BUT FIRST: What is a "pending"
A relationship that is on hold. We are seperated but still together, taking time apart to focus more on ourselves and possibly work out the kinks within the relationship, simultaneously. We don't stay together and are not
But what happens if we never meet up at the finish line?
Let's connect logicical reasoning with the greater power of love and passion. I quote, continuously, that I do not want to be in a relationship for logic, but for passion. Yes!! I think that would be awesome because then I could, maybe, subside my well-done-charcoaled-to-a-crisp fears of marriage and my psycho trust issues (that which my bestie everso lovingly pointed out to me). But let's explore this situation a little more in depth and carefully, being as though I am trying to figure myself out with this one as well. The logical thing to do after you have been with someone for so long is to go ahead and cut your losses and just do the damn thing. If you have already been excepting bullshit for X amount of years, then you might as well stay where you are, because at least you know what to expect.
When we speak of logical factors playing the role, we come to terms with:
* Baby (yes, I had to make that #1 even though I am the advocate for "having a baby doesn't keep the man")
* History (experimentations, vacations, conversations, and so forth)
* Time Span/Comfortability (6 years)
* The fact that instead of leaving the porch light on, I left my doors wide open (in other words, I let my guards down)
Now, if we try to incorporate the love and passion aspect of the relationship into the other corner, then we only get a timeline of events over the past years. Most of which happened in the beginning years, the first 3 to be exact. When I think back to how my infactuation, lust, and love began with this individual, I am hit with whatever passion that it USE TO BE. Because not only has life kicked in and taken over, but no one knows how to balance it (like I said, I can admit my faults). I take out more time with the kids and household ordinances and then he pretty much delved into the latter stages of digression. Take note of this balance or imbalance, if you will? But let's also notate the difference in the two positions. Even though I chose to devote time and energy moreso into the family portion of things, I still made time for my lovelife and kinky void that constantly needs to be filled. That lead me to not having enough hours in a day for myself. I play mommy/working woman in the daytime and supafreak at night, but I made it work. AND THE PLOT THICKENS!! Although I was able to make it work for the both of us, he didn't make his time work for me. He replaced "me" with his "self" time. Here is where the imbalance occurs; I am now using the time I spared for him to piss and bitch about how, instead of making time for me, he took out time for himself (which is a lot of time I might add). Instead of growing up, he "grew down" (yes, I made that up) and digressing usually leads back to the very same irresponsible habits that were inhabited at the time of your childhood/early manhood years, in which, ALSO puts you in that same mindframe... "I have no kids. I have no girl... beep...beep...beep" *that's my robot voice* lol! Anyways, you get my point.
Now let's try to evaluate this equation because I can promise you that there will be no solving today. If X = Potential and Y = Faith, how can we add, multiply or possibly subtract these 2 in order to = a Future? I could come up with a shit load of defense moves to take up for his being immature, and also recite the most dumbest shit I have ever heard... "he needs me." LMAO!!! I am hilarious, but it's the truth. I could throw the "logic" in the pot and marinate it in a bit of "patience" and just a splash of "dummy" seasoning (because that is all you need), but regardless of how many recipes, equations, or fuck ups we try to mix and match, or even avoid, it still boils down to the same thing. No one is seeing eye to eye and everyone is afraid of letting go.
Until next time bloggers... I can't wait to see the comments swarm in on this one, LOL!!
3 comments:
The 'pending' I was wondering if you were ever going to discuss this in detail. This post was quite informative. I believe it will remain pending until someone is willing to step up or step off. Seems kind of cold, but I think that's the reality of the situation.
Yes indeed J. You hit the nail right on the head.
I'll drink to that!
What J said... sometimes we need time apart to figure out if we are truly ready...
The outcome lies within both of you... because what happens when you get tired of it pending?
But I hope things work out for both of you.
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