I'm An Entrepreneur

Job Title: Stripper. OR in better terms, Exotic Dancer

The Interview Process
LMAO!!! This could possibly seem hilarious to many of those who don't approve, but oh well, whose asking you? Dancer's seek out places of employment just like your average jobseeker seeking a place of employment. You google/browse/mapquest and ride out to tour this club and that club, compare it to this club and the other club across town and weigh your options. Now let's keep this on a professional level as most college students normally try to do (being as though, this is when business was booming, LOL) Anywho, the point is, just as much as they are interviewing you (ass, titties... check), you definitely have to interview them (environment, crowd... check). Although, you are going into business for yourself (which you later find out), you are still working out of their establishment. Kind of like renting a booth in a barbershop or beauty salon. And just like a barbershop or beauty salon, they want to see your work. Some clubs will have an "Amateur Night" and some will throw you up there like you should already be a pro. It's a competition. Winner takes all: a position, possibly a cash prize, and the confidence to know that you got what it takes.

Work Preparation
So you knocked them off the map!! Go ahead girl with your bad self!! Now it's time to get your strategical business plans in order. In order to bring in the real cheese and possibly enough to spread, you're not going to be able to do this with your looks alone. No, sweetie, your face never mattered. You are going to be working among some of the best bodies in the business (or maybe not, depending upon the club you chose). You are selling an illusion. It takes money to make money and in preparation, here, is where your real business plan begins...

Costume: #1 priority! Making dreams come true wins the race. You are and have to be every person this man or woman could have ever dreamed of. You are the "Kinky Cop", "the Naughty School Girl", "the Snow Princess", "the American Flag", possibly the key part to the fantasy as the "Other Woman" that some married couple keeps bringing up, with every visit. As cute as you are, standing in front of the mirror with your pieces on, you have to be able to work magic for at least 1 or 2 songs. This is not a fashion show, it's a talent show and you are here to perform.

Shoes: Stilettos are a requirement. Nothing less than 4 inches. So if you are not good on your feet for hours at a time, then this is not the job for you.

Hair, makeup, extermination of body odors, consistent hair removal, physical fitness (yes, your health matters)... all sounds like MORE money to me. It pays to be a star... AFTER you pay to look the part. Strip club goers are visionaries. It is your job to cater to whatever it is that they may be LOOKING for. If you can't project the visual, fuck the recession, your business is an all time EPIC FAIL.

Payroll
When someone thinks of this particular profession, along with hoe and prostitution they think dollar signs. But let me be the one to pump your breaks. Although, this could seemingly be a prominent business, it only turns out to be that way if you have a promising business proposal in tact for yourself. Although you fill out W-2's and sign employee handbooks that complete your hiring process as if this is a real job, YOU SIGN YOUR CHECKS (or better yet, your bank deposit slips), create your own hours and set your own standards. Yes, my darlings, you are now, officially an entrepreneur.

Let's go over your pay scale and staff. As soon as you walk through the door, it is grind time. If you promote yourself with business cards and whatnot when you are off the clock, then it is your job to remember faces and to cater to the locals/tourists while they are in your place of business. We are trying to establish and maintain a clientelle. Able to give good conversation, good personality, and can dance your ass off at the drop of a dime to any song. Don't forget!!... they are mainly here to see your most valuable ASS-ets. Agree to everything, laugh at every joke, and know just what he/she needs to scratch that itch not in the sense that a hoe might. And now that you are on the floor and "in business", you have to make sure that everyone on your roster receives due process. At the end of the night, if you haven't made enough to pay your "tip outs", who looks like the fool? That means you have to work for double on the next night. Not for your bills that so badly need to be paid, but for your employees. Speaking of which, let's jump right in...

House Fee: Refer back to the barbershop reference. You have to pay your booth rent. In this case, your "House Fee". Depending upon how large and popular the club is, depends on how much money you have to tip out to the House/Club. You are paying them to dance there. If you are just that popular to be featured, then that is the ONLY time that someone will pay you to step foot on their stage. You're not important, you are bringing in the loot. And if you are a true hustler, your main goal would be to rack in more dollars than what they make at the bar.

DJ: The DJ is important. No one wants to go on stage to "Tootsie Roll" when clearly your show stopper is Waka Flaka's "Round of Applause". Guess what that means, you pay the DJ to be your friend. Your DJ going without pay is like starving someone. These people aren't going to chase you down for their money. They simply forget you existed... cut your songs short, don't play your songs, or bypass forget you were on role call to come to the stage.

Bouncers: Although, it's no guarantee because your "ass" don't mean a thing to them if it's not being used in more ways than one. You pay your bodyguards to guard your body LOL!! Let's just keep your fingers cross until you make it to your car and out of the parking lot to home, safely. It's not much to security's job other than to keep the peace in the facility. Your personal safety relies on something else. Green money. You feel the need to "take care of yourself"?... then you can "independently" carry your own bags to the car, fight the drunkies that can't keep their hands off the wad in your garter, or clear your own money off the stage. Totally up to you.

House Mom: This is usually an ultimately fabulous male homosexual. He/she tends to the ladies every need from hair and makeup, lashes and waxes, to airbrushing asses, to passing out sweets, and selling costumes. You name it, they are suppose to have it. But everything comes at a price. Not to mention, the House Moms' whose services may never be needed but they still require payment, just for being there.

Honey you are fully equipped and ready to go. Are you sure this is the right career? I could also equip you with backstage passes so that you can see what goes on behind the scenes when the other dancers steal your outfits and money. Or we could start a documentry on how the church girl goes from the church, straight to rehab. But never the less, we are reminded of the famous quote from "Player's Club", "make the money, don't let it make you."

Whatever you decide to do, don't fall!

Until next time bloggers... any questions?