Let's attack, first, what these people accomodate. So your bestie hollers, "oh, he's just a friend!" or maybe even your ex shoots you the line about whoever, but we all know that their word doesn't count for too much of anything so we're just going to keep this conversation amongst the 2 real friends. In my encouters as well as others around me, I have came to see that most "just a friends" use to be a gf/bf maybe back in the day years and years ago or could have been a one night stand that went wrong *shrugs shoulders* sex wasn't all that great and you can do without but you love the hell out of their brain. Could be a person that you met through a mutual friend and somewhere up in all of that mutual-ness, there is a fine line that doesn't need to be crossed, so you keep it at that basic friendship level. What the hell do you and a "just a friend" do? My opinion! lol! yes. mine... The "just a friend" is their for your emotional barriers, your self esteem.. kinda like a bestie but the beneficial outcome of this is you get the viewpoints of the opposite sex when it comes down to your sticky situations. Could be possible for this person to even help you out with your relationship or your other friend "with the benefits". This particular relationship is or can be considered to be an "open" relationship because you can actually give full force details about your rendevous without being considered as cheating. And technically, you are not. The 2 of you share conversation, entertainment, all of the non-physical aspects of a relationship. Just a friend. You guys talk on the phone all day/all night or maybe once a week, every other day... who the hell cares because there are no ties and you don't have to check in. This is your comfort zone, your getaway, your mental stimulation and if we dig deep... everything you want in your man/woman (excluding the sex) but you are too stuck on "stupid with the benefits" to recognize that this might actually be your soulmate. You got the honesty, the punctuality, kept promises, compassion, loyalty, no criteria to meet, or goals to achieve, gaps to fill and NO DRAMA. But NO!!! He/she is "just a friend", nothing more, nothing less.
I just got chills! *umph* your "friend with benefits". This is the person that cures your disease for nympho-nizm. I admit, this human being has gots skills which brings us to how we got to this situation in the first place. Usually your "friend with benefits" in some cases, started out being a "just a friend" and somewhere along the way someone broke the damn rules. In this case, you have lucked up, however, knowing the type of person that they are (being as though the 2 of you have already shared some of your deepest, darkest secrets) you know that it would never work due to fears from their past and it would definitely complicate things, so you keep it at the title that it started out being. You take the benefits (maybe) and hope you don't catch feelings or either you just leave it at a one time event in hopes that things don't become too awwwkkkwwwaarrrdd!! Meanwhile we are talking of the friend that automatically came with the benefits on front street. I'll give you a scenario: so you meet a person who seems cool. You go on a date and maybe the mental chemistry isn't all the way there but somehow you manage to make it through the night BUT it's not so bad that you can't invite that person in. There is no "one thing leads to another" in this... it's pretty much a given. I know you don't have shit to talk about, so let me see if you can make-up in other areas for your lack of interest and conversation that I had to endure for a good 2 or 3 hrs. Come to find out, you hit the jackpot!! Hot damn!! This hypnosis on feet has completly swept you off of yours but only in the the physical sense because we all know that apparently, your zodiac signs don't float around the same moon (at least not in this universe) and there is no compatibility amongst the 2 auroas. And oh no, planning on this being a one-night stand? Hell no... you can't get enough of this oh-so delicious double scoop of chocolate, vanilla in the middle, with crunched up oreos and hot fudge sundae. It's lust! It's like an orgasm in overdrive. You overwhelm yourself with flashbacks of specific intimate moments that the 2 of you created and you want that again... you need that again. And as I have stressed before in previous blogs, this is where your "people" addiction begins. The 2 of you share intimacies that you have never shared with even a bf/gf in a long-term relationship. You keep going back and they keep coming back so now we have developed a "friend with benefits".
Is it possible to contain the whole entire package without a title? Yes! it is. But the only people shouting it out and will fight you to the death to make sure that you understand that this is "just a friend" are the ones who are really afraid of committing. Because if ever the opportunity arises, they want to be able to feel safe in their fuck ups and always in the know that you will remain by their side. Must we establish what the opposite sexes are really here for? Whatever grounds they cover on your turf should be well cropped with no questions asked. But when feelings become involved, the depiction of real feelings and those lusty feelings can be really overbearing. We have to realize that all relationships take time to establish and the best relationships start out as friendships first. It's easy for some people to just let things flow and some people have their mind set on things in stone and they just want what they want. Absolutly nothing wrong with either situations, however the conflict comes into play if these 2 types of people are placed together. That's neither here nor there. I feel like if you can make it work or even if it is already working for you and it makes you happy, then let it be. Friends are friends and will be your friend regardless of what rat traps you get yourself stuck in. Trying to figure out whether you want to marry someone because they have the best-est sex in the world? smh... now we have hit a pot hole. It is usually common sense to know what is best for you and what disaster areas you should stay away from but we all know that everyone wasn't born with this (and that may be why I am here).
Honestly, I don't think any type of title is needed if this is what makes 2 people happy and everyone is running through the same field with the sun shining and beautiful rainbow. When we start trying to get into the technicalities of the situations and figure out details and what this stands for and why it's not working like this... shit starts to get shakey. Commitment scares the shit out of most but if you are already upholding the duties of it, why be afraid to wear the nametag? But whatever you want to consider yourself to be, be content with it and set boundaries, not only for the friend, but for yourself. I wouldn't sit in my "just a friends" lap and play in their hair or cop feels on their crotch here and there, and I wouldn't take my "friend with benefits" to any of my family functions, or to a store or across the street for that matter. Now FWB's have one set location and that is anywhere that intercourse can take place whether it is planned or spontaneous... oh the joys of "the benefits"; whereas your "just a friend" could be presentable in all places: funerals, cookouts, Big G-Ma's 90th birthday party, weddings... anywhere. If you want to go deeper, pick and choose what it is that you want to stand for or if there is even a REAL friendship there at all. So I'm good enough to fuck but I can't meet your momma or I'm worth all of the fine wineing and dineing but you could never see yourself being with me? And some people are ok with this.. who am I to judge?
The choice is yours. Until next time .... "friend"
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