The Breakthrough

Oookkkk, by now we all know how I like to tell my stories! LOL!! I have to tell a story of a story to get to my point. Weeelllll... the other day I had taken the time out to skim through some other blogs to see if there was any other blogs that would be interesting enough to follow. Of course I had been searching over some time period but no luck had hit UNTIL, one day I ran across My Man Wars.. Uncut! and I loved it!! Everything about it. But there was one in particular that spoke of the real meaning of "commitment" and this is where I had my breakthrough.

Ok so when you think of "commitment" or "committing", we think of being in a monogomous relationship with a faithful partner, no infidelities. Basically, it's you and your partner providing each other what most other friends in your circle can not. We all have friends (and I am meaning generalization.. male and female friends) but a b/f or a g/f is merely a friend that for some reason spark emotions and fires that your other friends cannot, or at least that's not what they was put there for. Anyways, you "talk" for a while, things get serious.... you argue for a while about who has the strongest feelings and then you finally come to the conclusion that this is what you want. You commit to one another or at least thats what you think you are doing. To Commit is to put in to charge or trust; to obligate or pledge oneself. So we really think we are doing something, huh? Well, I hate to bust your bubble but we're not!

No one stops to think in depth about what you are actually committing yourself to, what you are pledging or obliging to do. We think we are committing ourself to this one person who we are trying to love, already love, or are in love with but it goes far deeper than just the skin. ~FLASHBACK~ in this blog's story, she told of a married couple that had gotten into an arguement and the wife decided she would leave. Well the wife get's to her parents house and the mother tells her that she needs to go back home. Not because she didn't have the space or not because she didn't love her daughter dearly. It was because she was suppose to be committed to her marriage, flaws and all. That's what she chose to do (get married) and indeed, she went back home... to her husband. Must I say... this really hit the spot for me, because I will admit that I am very good at leaving. As a matter of fact, I am a fucking pro! However, I have never had anyone to tell me to go back home, so after this, I'm going to begin to question myself whether it's a good thing or bad thing. Guess it depends on the circumstance. Ok off subject, so anyway, let's think about what we are committing to. And we are not just talking about the person. If we are looking deep into the core, we find that we are only committing to the good times, when things are going just peachy, when the sex is great and there are no arguements and no one is walking around like their shit doesn't stink, kid's are good, there's a rainbow everyday, it never rains, and the temperature is always at a comfortable 77 degrees. This is what your committment is based off of. This is what my committment was based off of (my breakthrough)

Now I actually commend the people that live for the drama filled arguements back and forth-without leaving-everyday couples. They have a whole new line of respect from me. We all know that it doesn't feel good to get your panties all in a bunch, and stuck, and stinky (Lord knows if they stay there long enough, they eventually cause hemorrhoids) It doesn't feel good to hurt the one you love or for them to hurt you. But you have to stop and think to yourself, is your committment strong enough to keep the 2 of you together? Because when you committed yourself to this person, even if you thought that nothing could ever break this love apart and you will never get into any fights because the 2 of you were made in Heaven's bliss for one another, reality is reality and nothing is perfect. As a matter of fact, you felt that way only because the love making was spectacular last night. Very shallow thinking but it's the truth. You should be committed to the fights, the wars, the hard times, the past due bills, the financial instabilities. If this is enough to break a relationship up, then let's be realistic here, it was a bullshit ass relationship to begin with. This is the relationship that was based off that pegasus flying in the air over the rainbow.. .well I shot that bitch!! and I watched her ass fall from the sky and land head first in the dirt.

Talk about a breakthrough! Committment to the drama? The core of conflict? The love that produces pure nonsense? Everything that I have been talking about that I was never committed to. I don't know whether to say this is wonderful or if it's a total crock of shit because what's done is done. So it's safe to say that I was committed to the dream. I was committed to the happy days. I was committed to the struggle, backed up bills and so forth that came about, however I could not and refused to committ myself to bullshit (or what smelled like bullshit) So where did we go wrong? Even though I felt my heart was there, all in with no regrets, never cheated, never even thought about it, dreams of weddings and such... then why was it so easy for me to leave and to not "committ" myself to the fight? A night that completely broke me in half because it was I  who chose the door first, like usual? (no this wasn't the first time) This is like a game of "I'm gonna get you first". Even if I had of stayed, would it be the same or would I be in the category with the couples I was just talking about? Go to sleep mad and wake up fucking... wow! This is really causing for a pause and a smoke break about now..... AND WE'RE BACK... soo I wasn't committed? Un-be-fuckin-leivable!! Just when you think, after all this time, you were putting so much into something but you weren't doing shit. I am appalled!

And in today's lesson class, we have learned what? To think thoroughly what it is you are committing to. Of course, we all know that we are supposed to take the time out to get to know the person we have sot googly eyes on. We have to be in the know. The for real "know" about someone because usually within less than a  years time, which is usually how long it takes for someone to decide to be in a relationship with the person they have been exclusive with, at some point, some type of shit will be brought to the table... bullshit that is. I wonder is it safe to say that you were fully committed in the beginning to have made it so far? Or is it safe to say that you were never committed, even in the beginning, because it still didn't last as long as you thought it would? This is when you thought that the 2 of you should go ahead and get married tomorrow since you were already honeymooning. Boy are you in for a whirlspin! When it becomes so easy for you to turn your back on a situation and not commit to the problem at hand, then you have to know that without your committment, there is nothing left to work with. It's so easy for people to commit to their closest friends, or the next level of Madden, their kids, family, jobs... so why isn't it that easy for you to commit to a random person that you share so much more in common with than just you both liking the same color or tv shows? Wouldn't you rather put up a fight for the person so that you could continue to watch those shows together or was it better to watch them alone before you met that person? A state of confusion is what I am in but you live and you learn. So I can do 1 of 2 things with this breakthrough. I can take it, learn from it and hope that I can fully commit myself to the real life situations that we all know comes about every now and again OR I could take this bullshit and say to hell with it, I'm not committing to no damn body anymore.

This is really a tough pill for me to swallow because when after committing to whatever has been going on, when do you say enough is enough? I have committed to your bullshit ways, your habits, your whatever may have been going ons and then what? Do you wait for the person to change or do you think you can stick it out for however long forever is and claim your commitment? And when someone asks you are you committed to your g/f or b/f, husband, wife or whoever or are you in a committed relationship, you make sure you tell the dumb ass to be more specific about the particular commitment they are talking about because unfortunately there has been a technicality in the word's definition as a whole. I don't know but I'm gonna commit to this blog and leave you guys with pondering minds today like mine. So until next time bloggers.... I'm committed, so I'm sure I'll be back ;)