Stage Fright

To say or not to say..
    have faith or just stay away,
cause I was afraid
     writing for no cause, I had been played
No! this wasn't a talent
      because the people I had heard used big words built like stallions

My vocabulary wasn't in that range
So I figure...
      just dismiss me from the game
My words weren't important
All I talked about was love and morbid
So I FORFEIT!

As I listen to the real poets
        breezy with their words and so focused
I was no match
        fore I was mere hocus-pocus

Ingenious literature
Beautifully developed minds with signatures
And I'm just premature
And the real experts blast through like pros at war
And I was spinning in a whimsical of letters and words galore

Just let them speak!!
I can't even remember my lines
      let alone, recite a whole speech?
Public speaking was never for me
But I wanted to be "free, free, free"
In the atmosphere
Recite my poetry
Skip the real work and jump into the finished "Floetry"
Without all eyes on me
      disputing the crowd knowingly
Not really wanting these strangers to know me
Besides... my words weren't that holy
And my life was still unfolding
AND I don't think THIS particular degree is what helped mold me

hmmmm... and yet I chose thee?

Still feeling like...
      maybe I sound too much like someone else
Maybe the crowd will throw water on me and I'll commence to melt

Surely this would sound better in Braille
Guess my self-esteem was a little frail
Because I AM my worst critic and I refuse to let you see my fail
Standing on stage looking pale
Starts to recite... and they all screaming "boy she sounds stale"
Help me! Oh Lord! Help me!
She done took the wrong trail

Like... could you really relate?
Be honest! Did you participate?
Could you really feel the immobile state?

• emotional roller coasters
• skin crawl
• goosebumps

...so much that you would re-pay?

I left my words on notebook paper
Kept the notebook closed cause it would be so much safer
Only read amongst the closest cause they stay ready to congratulate ya
No froze
No hesitation
"Let's play a game!"
Have yo momma commentate ya
Pull out the book! Pull out the book!
See if I can really captivate ya

ok!ok!ok!

So all of this became really deactivating
Could I really make it a real job and try some levitating

Put to work what "little" skill THEY said I have
Could I be the blast
Life of the party or the contrast?
I was finally about to be "free, free free" at last

And I had to decide...
To say or not to say
     have faith or just stay the fuck away