R.E.H.A.B. me

Women!!! We are THEE most fascinating, beautiful, captivating, enthralling, mesmerizing, enchanting... most paramount, Grade A creations that has ever been made. It pains me to see how we cut ourselves so short of prominence when the truth is real power remains within us.We are by far the strongest creatures to walk this Earth without a doubt in my mind.

As I began my blogging, after deleting Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, so on and so on... my mind started running wild with all of these ideas that I have absolutly no idea how to organize because my thinking process is rather strange (I will admit). Writing about my life situations and analyzing how the processes of them usually takes place, in my eyes, I started to recognize what we, as women, go through and how we come out of them. The type of person we become afterwards... winning, losing, resurrecting from what seems to be insurmountable problems and yet we still stand. We still breathe life... into ourselves and into others. It's GREAT!!! isn't it? And thus, we end up here, what I have been calling Rehab, how we "treat" our own selves, how we end up winning everytime, the process of making it through these pains and burdens. Reorganizing Essential Habits And Becoming "me"... the person that you really are, recognizing our true value and what we are really worth (of course, after the fact). It takes some of us longer than others to really grasp hold but it's ok. Don't all rehab patients undergo different treatments for different habits and most of the time, some take waay longer than others to be cured if there is even a cure.

"Life is what you make it." It sounds so simple but it's so deep and it took me a long time to realize how powerful this quote is. Life can turn into a highly infectious disease that is contagious. What you go through and the effect it has on your attitude and your day to day living can actually rub off on the people around you: friends, family, and kids, even strangers. Your circle becomes small and for now you are feeling like everyone turned their back on you. But it's not them, it's you!!! You can be so overwhelmed with how you are going to just make it through the day, that you forget about the minor things that helps us live. We should always find something to do that can put the slightest smile on our face. Trust me, "slightly" helps far more than you think, just a little can really get you a long way. We all want the extravagant for our kids as well as ourselves, and most of the time, the finding of the small pieces always leads to something magnificent and of great magnitudes. But sometimes, it can be really hard to see the glitter through the fog and really recognize the blessing you have just received. It's so easy to throw advice to people but when those rough times hit, just a pinch of a blessing is all that is really needed. I've had my days when I didn't know how I would feed my kids or myself, no babysitter so that I could work, no ride so that I could get to work, how was I going to afford clothes and shoes for them when I could barely keep my head above water, little puney $500.00 checks that is suppose to take care of me, my 2 and pay bills.... who the hell signs up for this shit?! Then I sit down and I have to process how I got here, what I do have, the outline of how to get out of this hole even if it means doing the things that I told myself I would never resort to... either way, it always ends up at a dead end. No hope! Helping hand? Family? Friends? where is everyone? But it's not their job. It's mine! A lot of people get this confused like it's the next person's job to help you. Everyone has their own life to live and so do you. I come to this realization and then my anxiety kicks in and I have to sit back and wu-saaa, pray, and pace myself. This is my rehab. Come to find out.. I am a friggin miracle worker with the grace of My God because I haven't failed yet and don't intend to.

So through this rehab, up until now, I never paid attention to how I was really making it through these situations. Still moving and just thinking, I lucked up with this one. I already have a habit of over analyzing situations but some good came out of this one and I came up with the idea of committing to being that pinch of the blessing. I am a real person. I go through things too. If you could open me up, you would be surprised of the story that you would find on these pages and I'm not famous. I'm a woman  and I want to help. Feeling like you are in the bottomless pits of doom can lead you to killing yourself, committing suicide. Not literally and I will explain... the happy things you once use to do is no longer, you put yourself in this dark place and everything that is thought of or even spoke of is negative. You have already taken your place to burn for eternity in Hell. You have given up. You can't see what's in front of you and you don't care too much about it anyway. You commit suicide and you are still here just taking up space, life has became just another job to you. Of course, this can't be good for the kids! Now it's homicide!! because YOU are killing them. You can't project good motherly qualities other than the basics of feeding them and keeping them clothed. You are not in the mood for anything and you find  every excuse in the book to not do what they ask of you. "Come on mommy, let's go to the park!" Easily irritated and non-stop attitudes. Not healthy. Not for you or the babies. Putting yourself in these moods can make you sick (literally) you become depressed, no motivation, sleep is your #1 hobby and fresh air only makes you puke. This state? I have been here, and more than once.

I'm no expert at anything and I don't pretend to be so if it seems like everything is peaches and cream whenever you see me, it's because I have taught myself to control my spitballs of fire. Everyone in this whole entire world has gone through something. No one's life is perfect. Whether you have been completely homeless, your fridge has been completely emptied, or you just can't decide on how you are going to organize your schedule for going back to school... anything!.. and you can't categorize how minor a situation is opposed to the next person or yours because you never know what this particular person has going on in their lives at that time, what they have already gone through and how tramatic it is for them because your opinion doesn't count when it's not you, even if they do ask for it. Everyone handles they're situations differently and because it's not the way that you would handle things, no one cares because it's them, not you. As a friend, I offer empathy, try to relate, put myself in these shoes, I don't pass judgement and Lord only know's that if I could lend more of a helping hand then just my $0.02, I really would.

So this is the beginning of my outline. My project to become someone that I never imagined I could be. Project R.E.H.A.B. me is on the way.

To be continued.....