I havent' seen too many women that have blogged about "how many is too many", "what's your number", "does this # make you a hoe...." lol. You guys know what I'm talking about. However, I have seen plenty of men blogging about the "number" situation and continues on in a very sublime form trying to justify everything that stands for nothing and doesn't make an ounce of sense. Whose idea was it to seperate the sexes? Men can do this, but women can't? If a woman does it, she is blank.blank.blank. Who the fuck came up with these dumb ass ideas?! I'm quite sure it was a man. SO, I object!! because it's all a bunch of bullshit to me. What gives a man the right to "free-fuck" all and not be the nasty, hoe ass bastard that he just might should be classified as (no offense)? I mean... that would be the woman's classification, right? Any "free-fucking", liberated women around here would sure enough be awarded the "HOE" trophy *applauds*. At the end of the day, people are people and the only thing that seperates us are genitalia and the reproductive organs while at the same pace, it's still flesh and blood.
Counting one's previous sexual partners consist of more than just a head count. First and foremost, the age at which someone began having sex is the most important, if you ask me. A person who began fucking around the ages of 13 and 14 will, more than likely, be far pass 7 sexual partners by the time they have reached... hmmm, say 21. Unless this is a "Love and Basketball" type scenario, which I categorize as another bullshit fairytale. People who choose to wait for prom night, of course, will still have a small number in college. They are probably still in a relationship or just getting out of one. So no fun for them ;) lol. Then we have people of another sexuality for example: homosexuals, who are usually just figuring themselves out during the latter part of high school, beginning of college. Some know before and some figure it after which now involves the contemplation of whether we are going to even count the "just-to-make-sure" experiments. People who are bi... imagine what that number is or could be! LOL!! The best of both worlds, aye!?
While we are on the subject, what is a lot? What is the "right/wrong" number? How do one come up with how many sexual partners they would like or not like for their partner to have? What does it justify? What is that number telling you about that person? Are we including how many dicks a woman has sucked and how many pussies a man has eaten? Is it the same when one says, "we didn't fuck, he just ate my pussy/she just sucked me off." In reality, does all of this really matters? OR, are the men egos so big that they can't take the fact that a woman may be more experienced than they are? I wouldn't even call it experience because you can be with 5 different men and not learn a damn thing. LOL! Is it a "macho" thing? You want to have all the notches under your belt? Is it not lady-like that a woman can freely have sex and explore just as the men do? Or is it the fact that you wanted to be the one that showed her the ropes?
So, here we are with Republicans, Democratics and a fuckin' Hypocrisy! They say a man wants a woman in the streets, freak in the sheets, blah-blah-blah. How many times do you think she would have had to be a freak in the sheets before she could be a freak with you? My bad! Oh, you wanted to be the one to bring her inner freak out? "Silly rabbit," smh... If a man did pull some freak lessons out of his sleeve, then what does that say about him? How many partners has he had? He didn't learn that shit by practicing with one woman because most women aren't willing to try a lot of things. And just because he tried it once doesn't mean it was effective. Just face the fact that no one man, or 2, or 3, could teach a woman all the freaky shit that she knows to date. Simple as that. Freakiness evolves with time, lol. It's a process. A woman has to learn to work her ass muscles and vaginal walls. LOL!! Kegel excercises definitely can't be taught by a man. There aren't any sex positions that you can practice by yourself. Let's also include that trying to perform a trick with a dildo never gives off the same effect as a real dick. So, nope... she didn't learn it there either. And even if you learned something from watching a "flick", you would still have to practice with someone to master it and not every man, or woman, is a good sparring partner.
So what!! She's at a whopping 20 or even 40. Unless you are a relationship addict, celibate, or some other non-religion bullshit (virgin is not an option, lol) there is no way possible to try and keep a number of sexual partners to a minimum. Relationships don't work out, one night stands happen, your "just a friend" may have caught you in a vulnerable state, you dated someone and when it came down to the get down - that shit was garbage so you had to move on, vibrators just don't do it for you... shit happens. If you are single or in the dating game, trust me, it's like hunting season. Monitoring your sex-partners is like saying I'm only going to eat a certain amount of peanuts/m&m's/chocolate chip cookies... it is impossible! Because if you are still hungry, you are going to keep eating. And when you reach your forbidden number, what are you going to do? Stop having sex? Wait until marriage? Wait for the dumb-ass that's probably sitting next to you now, asking how many people you have been with?
How about we come up with some more important questions that really accounts for something because trying to calculate your partner's past is for lames. How about, "how many people have you fucked raw?" Now that is a good one if you're considering having sex without protection. Now that's something to talk about. "How many slip ups have you had?" Let's see, next question. "Have you ever had an STD?", "If so, how many?", "What type?", "How was it cured?" "Can I be infected?" "How long ago was this?" "What type of situation were you in to be in such a compromising position?" "Have you ever had sexual encounters with the same sex?" "Anything in your past I should know about: rape, molestation?" "Do you have any fetishes that could compromise our relationship?" Now this is important shit! Just keep that in mind.
Moving right along, how can you base assumptions off of a "number" on someone's personality? Numbers have absolutely nothing to do with the person that they are unless they are intentionally promiscuous for the wrong reasons. Sex-addict, maybe? Things like that makes the difference. Everyone goes through a "hoe phase", believe it or not, and you can fight me if you like with this one, lol. It's a part of growing up getting all the backed-up "cum" out of their system, ideas, curiosities... they grow up and settle down. Simple as that. A number doesn't tell you if they are wifey/hubby material, if they are a serial killer, what the outcome of your future will be. A number is just that, a friggin' number. People shouldn't base their future on the happenings of someone else's past. Either you are looking to build and grow together in preparation for your journey ahead or you are trying to re-live a portion of someone else's life that you were never apart of and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Move on people!
Until next time... let's all count together, lol!
9 comments:
What an awesome post..something's should not be dwelled on!
Thank you Mrs. Pancakes! I'm glad you enjoyed it. A lot of things shouldn't be dwelled on. I just feel there are more important things to learn about someone rather than how many people they have slept with.
By the way, it's nice to meet you. It's always a good feeling to see a new face in my parts. Thanks again for commenting.
I've been reading a lot about people talking about 'numbers'. It amazes me how many people say it's not important and all they care about is the STD test results. To a certain extent I can understand that, but it's really beginning to sound like the P.C. answer...just going by how many people I've heard use it lately.
I've said before that I don't think the number is important, but after thinking more about it...the number is important. It may not be the defining factor of a relationship, but it does have significance. The 'number' can tell you a lot about your partner. It can reveal to you how much they respect their body and how they value themselves and their partner.
By no means would I want the dirty details that accompany my woman's sexual history. Yet, I would like to know where she currently is and how she got there. Did she take things slow, get off to a quick start, go through an experiment phase? All of that stuff is important to me...not because I want to know every detail of her sexcapades, but because I want to know her intimately...and that means understanding the value she places on sex.
Some people may think the 'number' is just a number, but to me it's a lot more than that. The 'number' is just the surface. I'm more interested in what's beneath it...but that could just be me asking too much. Who knows? Either way...that's how I feel about 'numbers'.
And with that being said J, do you, then, look at her different?
Given a random situation, let's say she has had more sexual partners than you. Regardless of what situations she was in to may have put her in a plenty of vulnerable positions to keep increasing the number value, you can't say that you wouldn't look at her with the slant eye. OR maybe her values she placed on sex then aren't the value she places on sex now. She could have been in her "hoe phase" as I stated before and went through a whole swarm of men but NOW she has a lot more respect for herself and her body... do you take heed for her views now or what happened in her past? Maybe she always had a higher respect for sex and her body but she's been with a bunch of busted ass men that basically used her for whatever they wanted and then left. Which happens quite often.
I just think that some things should be left alone. This world is feeled with appointed judges out of nowhere. And I don't think people can really move forward by dwelling on someone's past.
To answer your first question...YES! I would definitely look at her differently. I believe our views of one another are modified each time we learn something new about each other. Whether that change is good or bad, it will likely occur.
I'm not going to say that I wouldn't judge a woman for having a 'ho' phase. I definitely would...and that's mainly because I have never had 'loose' casual sex. It's something that I can't relate to...so it would definitely warrant a slant eye from me...and some follow up questions.
With that being said, I'm not going to assume that I'll immediately drop her like a bad habit. I would want to know and learn more. I would want to understand the reasoning behind the choices she made and what she may have been experiencing during that time in her life. Yeah! I would be all up in her business...and as her boyfriend I feel I would have that right. If she's willing to share...cool. If she isn't willing to share...I can respect that and I won't push her to share anything she doesn't feel comfortable sharing with me...but the countdown before our relationship ended would start simultaneously.
I'm the type of person who wants to be with a woman that is open and willing to communicate, because I am willing to do the same. If we aren't able to do that then she and I wouldn't be compatible and there would be no need for us to waste each others time.
Some people may think that's harsh, but that's just how I feel. That's why for me it's not the 'number' that truly matters, but the 'number' allows me to understand what type of woman I am involved with.
See?! That's my point. You would look at her different.
With your new found information of knowing that she had a sex-filled past, do you really think that you could move forward within the relationship? Of course, it should be a given that a relationship should have a strong foundation of rapport between 2 individuals, but me personally, I wouldn't want to discuss anything with someone who I feel would be judgemental towards anything that I did in my past (ie: the whole "dancer" scenario) And anyone that I feel like is judgemental towards any aspect of certain life situations, I wouldn't be able to see myself moving forward with.
I could understand some of the points you made, like the fact that you can't relate to the loose casual sex. Even though you are open-minded to view the history behind the woman, I still think you are limiting yourself to someone who just may have changed for the better or maybe they just loved having sex... whatever the reasons. I don't think the number tells you what "type" of woman she is. If she has been with 10 men, what type of woman is she? If she has been with 50 men, what type of woman is she? And if you enjoy the person she is when the 2 of you are together, how do you incorporate the number factor with that?
You're right, the 'number' doesn't tell what 'type' of woman she is. Only her sharing her experiences with me can shed light on that. I would like to understand her more. If she is willing to share, it may result in me liking her more...or less(and that is regardless of what her 'number' may be).
I'm not going to lie and say I wouldn't judge her if she had a substantial 'number'. That would definitely be the result of my initial shock. Yet, once I got over that shock I would want to talk to her about her experiences so that I can better understand her as a person. Some women may refuse to share more...and thus I wouldn't be very interested in them. If she is willing to share with me, I wouldn't judge her. I would listen intently to her and share my thoughts with her if she asked for them.
In regards to the 'dancer' scenario it's similar. Most men, such as myself, have no experience with dancers so we may be cautious about getting to know them or pursuing relationships with them. Being a dancer is just the surface though(similar to the 'number'). The most important aspect is the person. That's why I asked you if you were willing to share more about your experience with you. You did and I learned a lot. Your past (or the past of a woman with a certain 'number') can't change...but my perspective can change and in your case it did. After you shared your experience with me I gained A LOT more respect for you and began to like you more. That occurred not because you're no longer a dancer. It changed because I saw you were a person who is willing to share your experiences and you aren't ashamed of them. That speaks volumes...at least to me it does. I believe the same would apply if I was with a woman with a certain 'number'.
I hope you understand what I'm saying. I noticed you kept making mention to the 'number'. I thought I'd made it clear in my other comments that the 'number' doesn't concern me. My primary focus is on getting to know the woman better and that includes her past experiences...even the sexual ones...no matter how few or how many that may be. I'm all about depth...and 'numbers' lack depth. You know what I mean?
I got'cha that time, lol! You definitely have a way with words to shut me up ;)
And it makes a lot of sense. But you and I both know that not everyone would be willing to dive that deep into a person. What's on the surface is their first impression and it makes a hell of a difference. You (meaning YOU) would have to be different from the average man because I don't think the avg man would get over that first initial shock in dealing with anything that may not be in his "comfort zone" whether we are referencing the dancing or the the number situation or anything for that matter.
I like the fact that you take out that extra time. It's an honest trait that really count.
OAN: Love the debate! Thought we were going to end up in the UFC rink next LMAO!! ;)
LMAO! UFC?! That would have been vicious. But nah...it's all luv. Just a friendly back and forth discussion.
I'm with you. I know I'm different. A lot of people are only focused on the surface and most people would lie about judging someone. I'm not either of those. I'll admit when I judge and I'll admit when I'm wrong. Yet, most importantly I want to know far more than what's on the surface. It's easy to take people at face value, and that's actually what most people want you to do...but I'm about more than that. I want to dive deep beyond the surface. I want to get to the roots...but that's just me.
I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my comments and gain an understanding of what I mean. Thank you.
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