"Fake"tionships

"Fake"tionships or fake relationships. Has nothing to do with outside people looking in, trying to throw dirt on their names, or anything that could stir up what's already fucked up. BUT it does have everything to do with the 2 stupid people that keep lieing to themselves about being in this wack ass "state of confusion". LOL!!

When 2 people get involved, in the beginning, everything is ultimately, oh-so grand. Honeymoon stage. Humpin' like bunnies. Rainbows and flowers. You know the scene... all that mushy crap. Now, everyone stays in high hopes for this romance scene to last throughout the rest of their self-made, self-directed movie, but depending on who they are or who they are with, somebody always take a turn for the worst or either life kicks in and the bullshit-flower-phase subsides. If this is not you, then you need to go get married or find another one of my most awesome post to read pertaining to love and/or ultra-great sex.

Scene: Will and Jada
Anywho, I came to this conclusion that there are relationships that hold some amounts of reputable stature. I want to assume that this small peice of a characteristic has a small amount to do with how people tend to fall into these "fake"tionships. And I will also assume that they feel the need to uphold what it is that everyone on the outside assumes is going on inside. After being with someone for a certain amount of time, it seems as if everyone around them expects for this couple to be together, live together, stay together, get married, make babies... in other words, it wouldn't be right if they were apart. The world would come to an absolute end and everyone's life depends on and is based around these two lovebirds. There is no doubt, in my mind, that the love is definitely there. However, some people reach a point where everyone is reading on different grade levels. BUT... with all their might and every fighting power in there little bones, they just have to stay together to save the world. Maybe there is a few good moments here and there, but none worth putting up with the bullshit that no one else seems to know about. No relationship is perfect, but people also fall short of common sense when that is all they have to bank on.

Scene: That's My Man, Bitches!!
Now the other situation that could have someone falling into a "fake"tionship can be a little complicated. Someone feels that they have a point to prove. In this particular relationship, there is no expectation from the outsiders, other than to fail. The difference in this situation... there has probably been signs and symptoms of infedelity, someone having to fight to prove their love, or the simple fact that maybe there were some shit-talkers doubting the fact that the 2 of them would never last together. They, then, find themselves stuck... or putting up with unhealthy situations to prove a point to set the record straight for those people who bad-mouthed them in the first place. They continuously put up with the bullshit, screaming to the top of their lungs, "it's alrite cuz he/she come home to me every night!" *in my best ghetto dialect* Now, the other thing that gets me about this relationship, is it consists of some type of weird friendship?... lol, These 2 tend to rely on each other for back up when they know the other has done some foul shit. Never let them see you sweat. So when shit get's tough and they've got caught up, the person who "swears" to love them most will always have their back. And it works. But why would you want to put yourself in these type of situations. *shrugs* Who knows? And there you have it, another "fake"tionship.

Scene: Comfortable Excuses
Even the most motivated, highly active person can run into a little laziness here and there. People can get so comfortable and sot in ways that which become habits and are hard to break. Nothing wrong with a little stability, you would think. So after the honeymoon scene is over, basically the work and effort that was put into getting and maintaining an actual relationship with this particular person is now stabalizing under the notion, "I did what I had to do. Now I'm good." And if you ask me, I see this as being the first signs to a wonderful "fake"tionship. But it doesn't stop there because there are plenty of other factors of comfortability that could fall in this scene. Let's try: We have a baby/kids excuse... TAKE 1! We share a house together excuse... TAKE 2! We have an understanding... TAKE 3! I won't be able to afford this by myself... TAKE 4! So while they are continuously coming up with excuses as to why the 2 of them are still together/won't leave, with all of the miserable factors waddling underneath, they don't realize how easy and quick it was falling into such a "fake"tionship. It was all good just a week ago, LOL!! They won't admit to themselves and everyone else, it's only because everyone is so comfortable. And because they are use to a particular lifestyle being with this person, they would rather suffer through the heartache and come up with new excuses than to get their lazy ass up and leave.

There is no climax in this movie. Or we could say the beginning is the most climaxed that you would ever get out of any of these scenes. How is that for irony?! LOL! Everyone has to absolutely look picture perfect when walking out the door. But let's be honest about the debris that is tailing behind you because of the tornado that just swept through your house. If your relationship is fake, then so are you. You're lieing to yourself, the people around you, and let's not even talk about the kids. But what can you say? All's well that end's well... or not...

Until next time bloggers...

Friend or Foe

All too often I hear, "females can't be friends" and the friends they do have are only jealous of what they got, how the shit they talk is not advice, it's a bunch of bullshit. It becomes confusing because we don't know if we should call the people that are talking about/to us, our "so-called" friend, a hater... OR, is the person offering the advice from outside the circle, the true "friend" or hater. Hmmmm.... what do you do? A "friend" of so many years is a friend for a reason. Obvious? Right? Because within the closeness between the 2 of you, nothing that has ever been said was given a second thought. Any type of advice that was given was always received as a valuable peice of information. Info that you hold near and dear to your heart because this is the only person that you can trust to actually give it to you straight, let you know what you are doing wrong, and help you to get it right. What some might see/need in a true friendship. No cut cards. Pure honesty and loyalty.

The Intruder
There are so many ways that we can look at this situation. No matter who is talking about who, somebody is going to feel threatened as if their space is being stomped on. We'll call them intruders. No specifics, however, they usually end up being a boyfriend, a family member, or an outside associate... that is, if we are ganging up on the bestie. They have so much to say about your friend: what, how and who they are doing wrong. Accusations that, "she is a hater". That "she is probably jealous of you" and just "wants what you got". You can't expect for no female to give you any good advice. She talk so much shit, like she Miss Perfect or somebody. Now we can look at this from all sides of the equation, however, at no point does anyone meet up in the middle. You see the same way everyone is talking shit about the bestie, the bestie could also be voicing her opinion of shit, as well. BUT... just as much as your friend is your friend and what they say matters, "the family" is moreso like royalty and what they say goes. See the difference here?

The Bestie
Now although, the bestie is technically NOT family (most of the time), at any given moment, we can always give them the side eye look and keep it moving. And just as much as shit can be talked about a "new boo", shit can be talked about the "bestie". So, honestly who wins and who loses in this situation? Now the point of this discussion is to determine whether the bestie is a friend or foe, because of this advice they so often love to give. And let's be honest, it's only because you asked for it. How do you determine if they are raining on your parade or if they are looking out for your best interest? After all.... THIS IS THE BESTIE!! lol We assume that any and everything that we do will always and forever be accepted by your best friend. Because normally, real friends have this unconditional love for one another. Right?! So if and when the bestie is rubbed the wrong way by an intruder, we then are stuck with trying to figure out who really has our back. Are they telling you this because they love you? Or are they telling you this because they hate the intruder's guts?

YOU
Being the man in the middle, you can become a little distorted and confused when you have everyone in your ear yapping about what the other is doing wrong. Seems as if everyone knows what is best for you, what you need in your life, and how to handle the situation. In order to keep the peace, you keep everyone out of everyone's atmosphere. Plan ahead, rearrange, re-organize everything that has already been in effect since day 1. Instead of processing who is really the friend or foe, you avoid the question or dealing with the situation until there comes a point when you are rubbed the wrong way by this friend/foe. Maybe there was something that was said or done that could have possibly got your nose all scrunched up. And now we are having second thoughts as to, would a true friend really say or do that... and the fact remains, does that make them a friend or foe?

Until next time bloggers... is your bestie really your friend or your foe?

Representative

Have you ever felt so sure of something that you couldn't be any sure-er? (lol, made that up) I mean so definite that there is no way that you could be wrong? So sot on a thought/person, that you have become 1 with it/them? When you feel that there is no way possible, you would ever come out wrong?

I call this... TRUST.

In a court of law, no matter how minor the charge, it's always good to have official representation. Who represents me through the thickness of my trials or even the dry days when seemingly everything is just peachy? How is it that a person can rely on a lawyer (literally speaking)? A person whom we know nothing about? Hand over a ticket and/or pour our souls into making it out of a possible devastation, hand in hand, with a person whom we do not know and they have no earthly idea who we are outside of the building that which they work? I hire this lawyer to represent me. Do I feel comfortable with knowing that he is going to do what he is suppose to do because that is what he get paid to do? Or do I feel comfortable with him being my representation because that is what's in their heart? They paid the money to be certified right? So it has to be a passion to represent the innocent... or the guilty? Right?! Because that is what they love to do?

Now in a court of relationship (lol), my partner is/should be my representation. Representing me everywhere that they are, and I am not/can't be. Can everyone say that their partner puts on an awesome show in the presence of others while outside of you? Does everyone feel comfortable with knowing that their partner is still witholding the utmost respect, even when pushed into compromising situations? Because I trust that my representation would go above and beyond the call of duty. Or at least, that is what I hope for. I understand that every relationship should began with trust. It's only natural and should be a given. You trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Right? Can we freely say that we have never had the slightest bit of insecurity when it came down to even the smallest characteristics? Not one random thought about the fact that our oh-so-loving partners is out there cheating their little heart out whether it's emotionally or physically? But this doesn't necessarily have to be made only about cheating. This representation has to consist of a type of personality, dress code, speech, appearances.... it could be anything. BECAUSE, your partner/wife/husband/bf/gf is your representative. Your representation for who you are/should/could/not be.

Until next time bloggers.... who is your representative?

People Don't Change...

... they become more of who they really are.

We all hear, quite often, "you've changed", or "they have changed", "you are changing." Well, I don't belive it and I'll tell you why. We're going to dig deep into the depths of a person and the life circulating around them. You see, I don't believe in change. Not in a person, anyway. I believe in conformity, adapting to your environment, making adjustments. You are who you are and, naturally, it is/would be only natural for a person to conform into the person that they need to be in order to appropriately handle their life at that given point and time. This does not mean that, that person has changed. The reason being is that, once all is said and done or whatever the situation may be, is finally over... then that person goes back to being the person that they have always been from the very start, which is themselves. Who they were before they encountered a situation that would cause them to have to reach outside of their element.

We are all born a human being. With our very own, original characteristics. DNA, gene pools, genetic strands. Our very own molecular structures that create and form us into the human beings that we are. We are who we are and contain our very own personalities. This all does not go without saying that everyone was built a certain way and being made the person that you were made to be, you can't always remain in a bland state to where you will never be able to survive new adaptations that which were being placed upon you. In other words, sometimes your original characteristics just don't work for whatever obstacle is being placed in front of you. You adjust yourself to where you need to be in order to complete the obstacle. But in the mist of all things, you are still you and will always be you.

Let's talk about relationships. Before you became settled in a relationship, let's say that you had a mindframe where nobody that you had ever fucked with really mattered. You would fuck'em and leave'em, hit it and quit it, beat the monkey and spit it out... you get my point. So, it hits you one day that you would like to settle down. Ok that's fine. So you find someone and you conform into the person that they need you to be in order for this relationship shit to work. Everything's great. You've adjusted to your new environment. Adapted. But low and behold if this relationship were to end... you are still you. You tried being in a relationship at least once in your life. This means that you had to conform into a better representation of yourself for you and the spouse to work. Compromise. Negotiate. You got the experience and so you go back to being the person that you never really stopped being in the beginning. You are who you are and no one can change that. Now that we are free, we just become more of who we really are.

Let's talk about someone famous and money situations. Let's talk about "Baby", Lil Wayne's step-dad. I saw him on Basketball Wives the other night and I watched his demeanor and how he acted as Evelyn talked to him. He spoke and carried himself as a regular person. And in this meeting, he had his baby girl with him which I found to be somewhat shocking. Before the rap game, Baby was Baby. It's funny how people run into money and then everyone else on the outside looking in says, "money changed them." Well, I'm here to tell you that I don't think so. At the end of the day, Wayne is still Wayne, Baby is still Baby.... they never changed. They only conformed and adapted to the lifestyle that which they were given due to the fact that they make quite a bit of money. Nothing changed about them. They don't talk any more proper than they did before. They don't dress anymore professional than they did before. They are still the same person. And guess what? If ever the money was to disappear, they still remain the same person. The only difference, then, would be the fact that they are without the material possessions. And everyone knows that material does not make, break or change a person. So you see, technically, we're talking about "the person". So within them, nothing has changed.

Have you ever noticed that the longer you are around a person, how often new things are introduced to you by that person? You can't receive, learn and understand a whole person all in a few minutes, a 24 hour time period, weeks, months, or even years. It takes time for a person to get to know someone. And over that time period, you can choose whether you like or dislike that person, because we all know that no one will ever be the same as they were from day one after you have gotten to know a small portion of them and who they really are. Hell, half the time, some people don't even know themselves. That doesn't mean that they have or are changing, though. And it doesn't make them any less of the person that which they already are. People are brought into situations, survival modes kick in: shyness, giddiness, introverts, etc. Until a person feels comfortable enough to let down their guards, no one receives the real experience behind that person. In other words, they never changed. You were given small portion sizes of a personality. You got to know them and found out who they really were. True colors begin to show... no change... just them.

I guess that means we should be a better judgement in character if we have a problem with the way things have progressed/not progressed over a time span. *shrugs shoulders* I mean what can you say? Comfortability brings along the realness of people. There may be certain things you do with your family that you don't do with your spouse. But that doesn't make you any different OR it doesn't mean that you have changed because the spouse has never seen you act in this manor before. It only means you are being more of yourself in the presence of certain people. You opened yourself up... in the eyes of the partner... however, in everyone else's eye, you have always been this way.

Until next time bloggers... don't change for no one LOL!!

Sooo... You Know Me Now?

It amazes me how women seem to be so complex to men, but somehow these same men can easily become professionals in telling women about themselves, how to live, get/love and keep a man. Even down to our OB/Gyns who absolutely know, for fact, what our bodies' are going through. Really?! And to this day, with my damn-near 30 year old self, I still haven't quite figured out how that could ever be possible, even with all the studying and books in this world. I read these blogs and watch these movies or look at a doctor and try my best to figure out how they think and believe that they know me/us/women so well. hmmm....

Common sense tells me that when you offer/give advice, you offer/give it according to the personality of a person and how they deal with their situations. In other words, no 1 solution is a cure-all just because it worked for you. This is probably, partly, the reason I never came up with an actual title as to what my blog was actually suppose to reference. I talk about shit that all people should have common sense about. At least enough common sense to just relate if nothing else. I don't expect application for the mere fact, what works for me may never work for you. Even though, it's good to take in. I know that MY encounters doesn't necessarily mean anything when it comes to the next person's encounters. I try to speak from an overall generalized viewpoint of what a situation can withold, although it is very, very easy to stereotype people. I apply my "generally speaking" format, which is basically MY encounter, and formulate the common sense behind it even though most of us never apply it. And yes... that includes me. I know what I SHOULD be doing but I did something else instead.

How can someone tell me what or how to handle my situation if they don't know me? Given most answers/advice/tips or whatever you want to call it, I find them to be very stereotyped. All women handle situations like this or maybe women should handle their situation like that. At this particular time, a woman is probably thinking this. How would you know? How could you know? Is it because of YOUR enounters, that you base YOUR facts on how ALL women react/think/speak and so forth. I also look at these particulars as a means to train women: Let me tell you how you should act so that I or someone else will want you. Everyone should be able to admit to their faults and/or flaws. But it amazes me how the women except these accusations and then put forth efforts to assume the positions. You are who you are. But because so-n-so said that you should be like this since this is what makes THEM happy OR stereotypically, it would make EVERYONE happy.... I just don't see the facts in that. Not even if we did a statistical survey. Because then I would want to know what type of women are we questioning, what have they experienced and where are they at this point and time in their lives. Yes! it makes a difference.

I could have easily spent my 80-something blogposts talking about how men should/do/don't act. How it's really not that complicated to use the portion of your brain that carries the common sense to figure women out. I could invest my time in trying to downgrade men and talk about how all of them are the same. OR I could persuade them into believing that just because your woman says she loves you or caters to you, doesn't mean she ain't cheating. I could blow a man's head up with a bunch of bullshit about no matter what they do in life or who they are, they will never compare to the strengths of a woman.... BUT, of course, I will put it all in a nicer format and make it sound a little more intelligent. You know... just so that it's easier to absorb. Wouldn't want to crush your self-esteem any more than it already has been. lol. Come on guys, really!

BUT... what can I say, it works! I guess this is what makes the blog world go round. Until next time bloggers...

Mommy Needs Her "Me-Time"

Sit down child! Mommy needs her me-time
I need to... close my eyes
consume the darkness. Open wide and consume the brightness
Take in my walls and doors around me...
or go outside and play in the world around me.

Ignore the schedules and loathe in the sit down-ness
Inhale, exhale...
Relieved of "duty calls"

Sit down child!! Mommy needs her me-time

Free to be me again!!
Wait a minute... who am I?!
because the images I portray for the teachers, Pediatricians and the preachers aren't quite what I sought out to be... or so I thought...
I think I forgot who I was suppose to be

I think I was suppose to...
wear little, short dresses... blooming in bright colors... with sandals
let my hair down...
and maybe take heed of my feminine...
no... no... maaaayyybe...
I'm suppose to grace the bars with my night time essence,
play the sexy woman role with that mysterious quality
hmph, not quite sure who I would want to be.

So sit down child!! Let me have this time for me.

Maybe I should just clean house like never before...
Remove the spider webs from my ceilings and bleach my kitchen tile floors
Scrub my baseboards and clean my fridge of "leftover" hoards.

No. Maybe I should clean ME...
Every mommy knows you should scrub behind the ears
.... but who has that kind of time?

I could...
Sit in a bathtub of bubbles and the exfoliating grits.
Completely clean skin and not have to rush one bit
Admire the drips of water that fall from my faucet.
Lose track of time and play in my wrinkled skin.
Bypass the rush because of some place I have to be in.
Maybe I'll just wash my hair and enjoy the kinky trend

Sit down child!! Mommy needs her me-time

I want to cry and scream and whine and kick
Make this about me! me! me!
Why can't it be all about what I want...
and what party dress I want to dance in
Give me lot's of cake and ice cream
chocolate bars and sweets to feast
Gimme toys and barretts to fancy about...

5 minutes? 10 minutes? It's just not enough
Let's be realistic here...
Mommy just wants to run in the buff

Fuck it, why not...

Digress.
digress back to my 21 year self...
When my tits set a-perked and firm
tight ass and legs that could run for miles...
When my only concern was how much liquor I could drink in style

Responsibility? What was that?

Life was grand...
no kids, no man

Mommy had her me-time *sighs*

Just hush child. Lemme me drift in my thoughts.
while we watch the cartoons and I can continue to ponder life's lessons taught.
Enjoy this moment and just hold the dearest thing closest to me
Forget my me-time...
It's just you and me

Writer's Block

I could write a song on your average nukka
a poem I'll call..."you ain't shit" (laughs)

Stories of distressed emotions
or... ramble on about lifeless moments

Pace back and forth to the musical notes of insecurities
Pinpoint the culprits in brilliant plays

My literature could write for days
Dancing movies in my head
Previous monologues feed my brain

Writer's block sets in
fingers cramped with plague...

I could pull together strands of DNA to liven your vows
Letter's brought together for words to be orchestrated
Schedule operas for your listening pleasures
I write country, rock

r&b, and hip hop

Writer's block set in

My paper and pen flip flop

Create blogs of Shelf Bitches, Cores of Conflict, even Love

Conclude evaluations on Liars, Cheaters and Thieves
Investigating other writer's paraphanelia
druggy on the emptiness and ..... maybe failure
Rehab and gas'ed up to start a new

Limited or maybe an overload on space

Writer's block wins the race................