Bros Before Hoes

*Rolling my eyes* Really?!

Once upon a time, there were some kids who, met, grew up together, and shared a bond. Example: John met Dave. Dave introduced John to Bill. Bill ordained Bob into the clan and John's god-brother just so happen to move into town during everyone's 5th grade year. You couldn't see 1 without seeing all 10 of them. And together, they were one. How sweet.... for a bunch of 10 yr old's!!

I'm trying my hardest not to sound like a woman, here. But, I swear you guys leave me no choice. I want to understand what is going on in your big heads (not the little one, at least not this go around). So feel free to fill me in on this concept here. It is a known factor that as we grow up, we continue to hold our friends near and dear to our hearts. True indeed, true friends serve a purpose. And whatever that purpose may be, they are pretty much known to be there through thick and thin because that's what best friends do. It's the next best thing to being in a relationship,(only because there is no sex involved in this one.... maybe). But, what happens when someone breaks the G-code, disrupts the commandments of the "Bros before Hoes" Bible? I reference the guys because I believe that you all take it way more serious than the ladies. Yes, I know about the "chickies before dickies" or whatever. But you see, for some odd reason, when it comes down to the fellas, I have found out that even if "the pact" was made back when they were all in elementary school on the blacktop, at the northside of the swing set up under the basketball goal... that bullshit still sits with them until they are grown ass men (which is fine, I get it). But if you ask me (which I know you probably won't and don't want to hear it), in my opinion, some things are better left on the blacktop, or how else do you expect to grow? Because even after everyone has settled down, had babies, began careers and whatnot, there still remains the sacredness of this bond that was shared in that very spot. And according to my experiences, it seems that the "pact" that they made, inclines them to practically get away with murder when in a relationship. The ladies are automatically expected to understand because they been boys since kindergarten. Jealousy? Noooo. Moreso wondering, when does the sacredness comes into play with the person that you plan to spend the rest of your life with?

Let's begin with the INTERFERENCE. Now that these little boys are turning into men, and they maybe/maybe not have gotten over their hoe phases, the point is... they all found a new hobby which consisted of pussy, fucking and a female. It was all fun and games back in high school and maybe even college, but now they are or are suppose to be above the madness and probably fell into an entrapment that involves a routine of dates and mushy shit with the same female. NOOOO!! Not the same female!!! What happened to playa-status? The end is near because next on the list in this situation is your bros are feeling some type of way, or it turns into a domino effect and they'll go catch them a fiesty feline too. If you got a girl, then I got to have a girl too. If you cheat on your girl, then I will cheat on mine too. *sigh* oooh, the life of brotherhood. The life that has 110% potential to ruin your future, if allowed.

How this effects me: When I say "me", I am speaking for every woman that has had to endure having a relationship with one man and all 20 of his friends. This could possibly be a 1 in a million type ordeal, but I swear if anyone has ever had to endure this type of torture, please speak now or forever hold your insanity. I'm thinking that this could possibly be worst than a "momma's boy". You are, now, your "Brother's Keeper". So every time that a situation arises, a conflict occur, or whatever random, non-important event takes place, he has to be the first one to the scene or his loyalty will be questioned. And I have to admit, my self-appointed Psych degree has failed in this particular area. Although I understand the need for friendships and the importance of loyalty, I will never understand how it will ever be more important than the "normal" future that people usually look forward to. I've never understood how someone over 30 years old, under 30 or around 30, or maybe even older, could make the famous comment, "my boys are going to always be there, women come and go." LMAO!!! I guess in certain instances, that may be true. But if you made that same pact that you made with your boys back on the blacktop, with your woman, it could possibly balance out this equation. I swear, men can be professionals at complicating things.

So let's wrap this up in a nutshell. When does it stop? At what age does a man realize (if a friend is the true friend that he is suppose to be) the understanding that growth has/will become necessary, outside of a simple friendship? Do you fake the funk like your friendship is just that tight because you are scared of getting stoned by the crew? Or is there really no excitement in settling down and becoming a family man? Why be in a relationship if your first priorities consist of assisting and accomodating the clan? Is it really necessary to organize your plans around the same time as one another? For example: one of the bros decides he wants to chill with his girl today, so everyone else does the same thing (even though they would rather be with each other) o_O lol Yeah, I thought so too;) But in reality, is this healthy or am I just tripping? I guess this is one of those things that I will never understand.

Until next time bloggers...

Emotionally Stable

Here we are, back into relationship drama. Can you guys tell that I've been feeling some type of way lately? Well, I'm sorry to burn your eyes red with my bullshit, but I'm sure someone is loving the smell of this material. I would hate to sound like a stick-up-the-ass, but I know what you guys are going to say. LOL!! So I'll go ahead and claim it; YES!! I am a woman!! But I'm a woman with common sense. So let's jump on top of this matter like it's the biggest and juiciest dick known to man-kind, and ride it until it's sore and red (notice the sexual frustration, as well). OK... maybe that's too much but whatever.

To the point: a goal for a man or a woman, normally, starts out as finding someone who is compatible to them. We click. We share X/Y/Z. We have so much in common. Together we make sense. Now, all is fair in these qualities one look for in the beginning, but let's start getting into the middle, when we begin to look for the seriousness after the fun and games. We are so worried about who can keep a job and pay a bill. We are so worried about what they have and what they do not. But who has ever sat down and thought of the emotional stability to be gained (or not gained) from being in a relationship. You know what type of an emotional wreck you can be from time to time. Whether or not you suffer from a minor case of bi-polar or schziphrenia, LOL!! But, never the less, you have your eye set on the prize and you have to ask yourself, could whatever you claim your ideal "prize" to be, make up for a lack of passion and mental satisfaction? Are we or are we not looking for the full package? And do we or don't we go through hard patches in our lives? So with that being said, would you rather stay because your bills are paid OR do you leave because there is no backbone to sustain your neediness? Make up your mind people!! What the hell is it that you want?!! LOL!!

So let's focus on emotional and mental psychosis wants and needs. Your levels of commitment. What goes and what stays. If we decide to devote ourselves to a person for whatever reasons, then I would assume that someone would have some type of say-so as to what habits need to go and what drama is worth putting up with. What we should do is just lay down the law from jump street. How else are we going to know what our partners can handle when certain situations come to light? Or,to be on the safe side of things, we could just let things flow freely and as long as the other person is not cheating, then we are in the clear? NOT!!! But if we look deep into this point I'm trying to make, you will realize that most of the time, cheating comes from a lack of emotional stability within the relationship. Cheaters will come up with the stupidest lines that sound a little something like this, "I'm sorry. It just happened." Really?! Let's be honest here, the real reason that your ass dipped out is because there was somebody else that made up for what you felt your partner was lacking. SO, instead of you asking for it, you go another route or maybe your request kept being dismissed. As if you haven't already hurt your partner's feelings enough, it wouldn't hurt you to tell the truth as to why you did it. And let me just clarify, I am speaking of cheaters with a purpose. Not habitual cheaters. We will discuss that at a later date, but either way, it's not right.

I take pride in the emotional support being given and received in my relationships. If I feel that the "facts of life" cannot be balanced along with your extracurriculars (because I feel a partner is not necessary, at least not a permanent one anyway) then I feel there is no point in being in a relationship. We have the people in this corner who get married because they have awesome resumes and together they can make a shit load of money. Over in the other corner, we have the couples that can't get enough of one another because the sex is fucking awesome. Where is the line drawn for the real stability and foundation of it all? I thought the search began because we were looking for our soulmates? That emotional stability. A gain in self worth, self esteem and all of that good shit. Not to be emotionally crippled by a lack of passion because you chose to look forward to how much more you could better your future by finding a partner with 10 degrees.

When all else fails, look to yourself for that gain. No one can love you better than you already love yourself.

Untill next time bloggers...

A Very Vulnerable Candi

Here, I stand, today on edge about the many things that have the tendencies to pound my brain. I was sucker punched the other night by the very gay, Dave Tutera (whom I absolutely love) at about 2 in the morning, fixating a wedding dress onto some lucky bitch. And, as I peeked through my 1 woke eye, they began to wail up with water. Who would have thunk it!!?? Well... I know what I was thinking, but I didn't think that it would get the better of me at such an awkward and weird time of night, or at all. Who wakes up to overflowing tears at such an odd hour because of a friggin wedding? ON TV!!? What does this mean? Because, being as though, I say that I'm trying to conquer these trust issues of mine, I still am a little confused as to my purpose for "why?". Am I working on these issues because I want to, one day, walk down the aisle? Or am I working on these issues for the betterment of myself and the people around me? Not that I feel like my issues get in the way of my many, many relationships, generally speaking. (and if you don't know me by now, you would know that I was just being overly facetious)

In a state of vulnerability, I come to you... I inhale deep and breathe out...

Trust, Loyalty and Respect is what I want. No, one, person can define love. One word that is suppose to contain all of these million and one emotions. But yet everyone wants it, needs it and just have to have it. I guess a drug with the effects at this magnitude would be a considerable "fix" to accomodate the void from withdrawals. But what does it mean? Just give me what I ask for! I seperated emotions and designate each ones name. And if that isn't making things simple enough, then what would? I give you my "word". You "show" me what it means. Common sense? To emulate the version of treatment that which you would like placed upon yourself. If you haven't a clue as to what I'm referencing, then you can't give me what I need, what I want, or even come close. And we shall leave well enough alone. I could summarize with, "treat me as you want to be treated", but being as though no 2 people are alike or share the same likes/dislikes or appreciate the same things which makes up for a 2 peas in different pods; I lay out, flat, to you my every desire to feel at peace within the hands of someone else. I want the things that connects me to "definiteness". No fates. No worries. No fear. No pain. Relief.... I want RELIEF! Tied into his nervous system, where my feelings are his feelings and together, our blood flows to one heart. I want to feel the "completely", the "infinite", the "die without you's". I need to feel what an "understanding" feels like. Because time... has failed me, I allocated myself to myself. Population 0. Weak from the emptiness, because all that I want is trust, loyalty, and respect. And because it seems a bit greedy when your hand's held out, so I turn in... I breathe deep... and I breathe out...

Why Does It Matter?

Election Day was May 8th in the state of North Carolina to vote on Amendment One, in which "defines marriage as the union of a man and a woman". Normally I keep my nose out of political issues and the newspaper because for 1) I feel as if this is a fucked up ass Judicial System and as I have stated before, 2) I would just rather not know. But when I come to work, just to hear people celebrating the fact that a law was passed (as if it wasn't already illegal for same-sex marriages in this state anyway) in order to define/choose for you who you can and cannot devote your life to, I find it to be rather ignorant. Who cares? Why should it matter who one person chooses to spend their life with? It's them! Their life to live! And it's an ultimate headache on top of that, when others try to bring religion into the factor. Not that I don't believe in My God, however, everyone is NOT a Saint. If you find this post to sound like a pissed Sense So Common, then you are damn right!

I have blogged about this before. You can refer to Sense So Common's "Gay Is The New Straight" and "Banned From The Gates For Love: Homosexualtiy". (Sorry, you will have to search for it, I have yet to figure out how to post the links, lol) As if there isn't more important things to discuss, how can you base an election on Gay Rights or not having rights? People worry about the wrong things. North Carolina ruled out with 70% of the votes. 70!!! They protested, organized marches, and basically humiliated the gay community as if they are not people with feelings. We can compare this to Women's Rights or we can even take it back as far as to the days of slavery and Civil Rights. We have old ass Polygamist men who are marrying 12 year old little girls and drug dealers who are gaining more prison time than murderers. Someone please tell me where the justice lies in that? We have people that have not gained there lives back due to the destruction of Hurricane Katrina. Here, in my little town, we have communities that were never rebuilt due to Hurricane Floyd.... ruined over 10 years ago, might I add. The unemployment rate here is ridiculously high and no one has nothing to offer other than to let you know that there is nothing they can do about it. And you mean to tell me that the focal point here is whether or not gay people should marry? I can rant all day with the errors of this corrupt, bullshit ass system, but I don't think that there would be enough internet space for all of that.

At the end of the day, everyone lives their lives according to the way that they would like to live their lives. No one is fucking with you or over-ruling your household, so why should it matter what goes on in someone else's? You don't like it? Don't associate yourself with it. Don't look it at. Don't talk about it. Before long, they will be telling us how many kids we can have or what kind of foods we can eat. Maybe they'll be telling us what we can and can't wear or even what race of people we are allowed to date and marry. A land of freedom?! Someone tell me where?

I commend Obama on stating his insights behind it all, but it doesn't make much of a difference if our very own President has no control over the damage that has already been done. Forget it. I'll just leave the rest of my $0.02 in my pocket and continue to do what I've been doing: See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil.

Until next time bloggers.... United, We Stand Canned, smh

He Loves Different

I was sitting the other night, in my "think-hard" sitting positon and came up with the wackiest shit someone could possibly think of: Maybe he just loves differently. First off, I reflected on past relationships, flings, and fucks and began to compare (something I never do) the difference between them all, what was going on in my life, at that moment, and why it never worked (not that I wanted any of them to) I'm pretty happy with the fact that none of them made it this far. I'm quite sure they are happy with it too, considering I was always referred to as an evil bitch Mu-hu-hah ha ha ha ha!!! Anywho, none of them were the same. Not even the slightest bit of a resemblance from sex to dick size to personality or even how we connected... absolutely nothing. I could have sworn that people are sorta-kinda attracted to particulars or certain characteristics in a mate but I couldn't find nothing that remained consistent on this timeline of men throughout my years. I do love eyes and can point out the significance of the ones I fell in love with. That's usually what drew me in to those that I probably settled down with for whatever short ass time span. The eyes are what tell me your story, no need for questions. However, I can't say the same for those who were, as I called them back then, my hoes. LMAO!!!

Ok, let's get serious. I guess when you reach this age where you want shit to be right and "of the norm" and blah, blah... you begin to think about how you recovered from your past and what it is that you look forward to in your future. (and let's just say, I'm not your average girlfriend, but we'll get into that on another round of SSC) Now I have repeated a numerous of times that I am not marriage material because of the simple fact that I have "Trust Issues". I also said that it would only complicate things, in which, we can also link this back to my... "Trust Issues" LOL!!! But, when you think back to what felt like love, at that very moment, you're a little puzzled as to what drew you into this particular state. You know? The stae of being in love and/or wanting to be married. Of course, everyone loves differently but is that an excuse to give in or submit yourself to whatever ailments overcame your relationships? Is it worth it? I guess this is where the statement comes in, "you don't know what love is". But when I compare this person to that person, and that person to this person, it all, still, felt right at that moment. Arguements and fights, cheaters and schemers, he say/she say or lies... but deep down you know the love is still there. Is this how you are suppose to love someone? Or should we pull out my self-appointed Psyche Degree and figure out why it is that you do certain things that most people shun away from relationships, but still claim to love a person? I feel that some people have an addiction to fucking up or either they just take for granted the type of love their partner has for them. No matter what, he/she knows I love her/him... along with, she know's where my heart is... or the good one, we have an understanding, lol! Have you heard any of these?

So we set standards now... I only want a man who does this, I only want a girl who does that. But, is that being open to the fact that years down the line, he or she may not do this or that anymore? And with or without it, don't we know the love is still there? or isn't it? I loved you because you loved me this way. I loved him because he loved me that way... where are the similarities in the 2? And instead of letting go, you fight for what once was. If your standard says that you only want for someone to love you a certain type of way and these are the things that they have to do in order to prove themselves, then I guess we can all call you a hypocrit... or myself LOL!!! But I have no standards, other than common sense, consistency (which always fail) and some type of income and a monsterous head game lol!! No complexity to me whatsoever. The truth of the matter is, he loves different. Different from what you have seen, heard of, or even felt. And when in doubt, the problem may just end with you. Now you have to ask yourself, what love are you willing to accept? Because, at the end of the day, if you are still lingering around with hopes that past love or even hopeful love will resurrect on your clock... I hate to tell you that you're setting yourself up for disappointment. It's different, so accept it for what it is. Or carry your spoiled ass somewhere else and find whatever the hell it is that you are looking for.

Until next time bloggers... I'll always love you guys, even if I don't write everyday.

Effort-less Effort

People move so fast within their day to, basically, attend to someone else's needs. Just when you are thinking that it is all about you and you're doing something productive for yourself, the real reality of the situation is you are actually acting as someone else's bitch. LOL, I can see the looks on your faces now. But, give me a second to explain and just sit back and marinate in the words that I'm about to shoot at you. I hate to be the dream-snatcher when everyone is sot in a mode to believe that their efforts to maintain a household, job, relationship, or even a family are to make peace within yourself so that "you and yours" could have a comfortable life. But that goes without asking, how else does the world go round?

A typical day, for me, would start off with my irritating ass alarm going off at 5:15 a.m. I'm a morning person, but only after a certain hour, so I have to extend that extra hour to get my feet on the floor. I wake my son up to ready for school, get myself ready for work, pack my daughter's bag and pick up whatever extra's on my way out the door (if I don't forget) before attempting this half hour drive. My efforts or the reason why I do the things that I do the way that I do them is effort-less, but never the less, it's an effort. Follow me readers. I wake up 2 hours earlier so that I can make sure my son goes to an awesome school in another county. I'm his bitch and proud of it LOL!! My daughter sleeps peacefully in the bed, all while I pack her bag with the goodies she loves to eat and a freshly ironed outfit, only to get dirty, while she's at the babysitter. I'm her bitch. I rush to drop my son off, quick kiss, rush to drop my daughter off with a quick kiss and in full speed, I'm off to work. Now, I'm corporate's bitch! You see the picture here? Or should I continue... I spend the next 8 hours kissing the snootiest of asses, clock out and reverse effect everything that I did that morning. Head back to the starting line and commence to the upkeep of my house and children until bedtime.

I believe that this leads me into asking, what would life be like if I never put forth an effort to do anything extra/out of the ordinary/extreme? Would people look at me as if I am lazy or even selfish? Would they talk shit about me as if my brain doesn't make an effort to contribute the necessary endorphins in order to feel? There comes a point when you have to sit back and re-evaluate the rituals that which you have protested for so long. In the process, people become spoiled and expect for you to complete your methods of effort. Uusally for the sake of themselves. And whether or not you believe your efforts are for the betterment of yourself, it doesn't concern the next person what the motive is behind the fight. If it were just me, I have no idea where I would be or what I would be doing. I can assure you that I wouldn't be here OR doing this, lol. But no matter where we are, we find most people pushing forth extra efforts for a completion of what? No matter how much a person feel's they have accomplished, no one will ever be satisfied with what they have. Everyone strives to gain more. And I'm still a little confused as to exactly what "more" is? But if I reference back to my mornings, I consider my "more" to be driving those extra miles for my son or simply buying those extra clothes when my baby girl embeds those grass stains in the knee of her pants. Let's take those efforts away and tell me what I am left with, a son who constantly get's suspended from school and a dirty daughter. Hmmph? I guess it would be safe to say that we are never left with much of a choice.

So the moral of this story is: take heed of the effort. What comes off as a usual daily function could actually have more meaning behind it than just another chore that has to be done or even a project that wanted to be done. People spend enough time wasting their own time on others that waltz around like their shit don't stink. Trust me when I say I know, first hand, what these types are like. And I can also tell you that there is nothing like your effort turning out as "effort-lesser" (made that up, but you get the point lol) than when you began. In all honesty, I'm really saying this nicely, because what I could say is, "don't be an ungrateful ass, bastard." But I love you guys and I feel that the things I write about are somewhat important, lol. So I only speak from the heart and I don't like having ass and bastards near my heart. LOL!!

So, until next time bloggers.... signing off effortlessly. Whose your bitch?! ;)

From Housewife to Hoe

LMAO!!! Yes indeedy! I just love it when my brain kicks into high gear. The story is, I was looking at something on TV the other day and the subject matter had absolutely nothing to do with this post but I began to think: ~insert smart people symbols with a whimsical effect here~ If you can't turn a hoe into a housewife, how is it that a housewife can turn into a hoe. Given any case or any type of circumstance, usually there just has to be some type of reverse effect, unless we're speaking of some sort of terminal illness. But we're not. Also, let me include something else here you guys... Sense So Common has made a mistake (yes! this has everything to do with this post, I'll get to my point in a minute) I wrote a post a while back on "People Don't Change"... well, dammit, I lied!!! It is, in fact, THEEE TRUTH that a person can absolutely drive another into insanity... or in this case, to being a hoe. And I'll explain.

In the past, I have spoken of the little dreamy aspects of the new beginnings of a relationship. 2 people meet, they fuck, fall in love, so forth and so forth. Maybe in that order, maybe not... but, that's besides the point. As relationships tend to move forward, some people get married, they may drift apart, or they may remain at a stand-still. "Stand-still" meaning that they perform the motions of a relationship but not really. Maybe I'll blog about that scenario later... oh wait a minute, I did... "Faketionships"!! LMAO!!! Anywho, there comes a time in a relationship where the roads turn into one and then we have the person who is putting in the work and the other that which is not. Let me explain this in a better format.

SCENARIO HERE:
"Boy", "Girl" meet. Confirm relationship. Attempt to build future. Things begin to fall apart because someone may have gotten bored somewhere. "Boy" begins to do things that are out of the norm of your average relationship. Maybe he is cheating or maybe he is abusive. Whatever the case may be, "Girl" is not happy. At some point and time after the OFFICIAL fuck-up has been done and no one can take the agony and pain from the bullshit, they call it quits. "Girl" is distraught (IE: booo-hooo, he doesn't love me... he cheated on me... blah blah) "Boy" is probably still doing what he has always done best, fuck bitches and party like a rockstar. Anyway, time goes by and she may have used this time to gather her thoughts (which would/should be the necessary recovery, but that's not what this post is about) OOORRRR, she may have used this time to retaliate/rebel. Simply feeling the need to get back at all men, for the one that has done her wrong. Here, we have just witnessed the unfortunate change of the housewife, now reformed into a hoe.

I understand that some women can have healthy sex-drives (if that's what you want to call it). I also understand that some people have certain things that they like to point out about a person in order to put them in a "Hoe" category. But let's dig deep into the mind or the history of a person. As a matter of fact, let's take this back to the Domino Effect. This is A domino effet, a case of trial and error, cause and effect, you give to get. And I'm giving you this, so you should get the picture. Get it? LMAO! Anyway, my self-appointed Psych Degree tells me that she's hurting and she needs to understand what was going on outside of her circumference, because that would be the reason why she couldn't maintain her man. And even though she's a little confused as to exactly what it is that happened between the two of them, it also tells us that she wants to get her mind off of the situation (which is him) and she feels that this is the only way to keep her time occupied. She begins to search for the attention that she lacked for so long.

NOW, it usually doesn't take very long for everyone to begin to notice that there is a new hoe in town. At one point and time, she may have been incognito. This was only because she thought that she had met the love of her life and even though there were no vows exchanged, she figured she would still dedicate her time to the only thing that she thought was making her happy (him). But now, she has a new swag and is actually becoming a very popular socialite. But the "disaster" behind the making is now mad about how things turned out. Yes... I sense a little jealousy from "him". He would be the one to be the first person to call her out on her new found trade, "oh that bitch is a hoe now". The very first one to preach about what she is and how she is doing it. But not once has he taken responsibility for the simple fact that he was the one that created this monster. She changed, and it was all because of him. But where can you find a man that would actually be willing to carry that burden on their back? A man who would take the wrap for a crime committed? No one enjoys having the finger pointed at them or being BLAMED for something that wasn't for a good cause. So what does he do? He denies that he had anything to do with the turn out. His response would probably sound a little along the lines of, "she a grown ass woman... I didn't make her do shit." So, while she is quote-unquote "living her life" (as she see's it now), he is down-talking her and covering up the fact that he was not an accomplice to any of the accusations that have just been made.

Referencing back to "People Don't Change..", I came to the conclusion that certain situations/people/etc. are placed in our lives to help us become the person that we are naturally suppose to be. But when you are stuck in the mist of transitioning from one personality to another because of an obstacle you ventured through or defeated the once-love-now-enemy, you began to wonder, "is this really who I am suppose to be?" You have washed away years of pain with instant intimate acts with random men (or women) and you lost sight of yourself. So where do you go to find it? I wouldn't assume that it would be laying along side of the hoe stroll.

Until next time bloggers... "you better find yourself Anna Mae" *in my best Ike Turner voice" LMAO!!