This one has really got me up on my toes. You see... at this moment in my life, right now, I should be celebrating my independence. The fact that I have not had to ask, beg or kiss ass for anyone's help. I got my new place and I'm becoming one with my new found "single lady-ness" (I made that up). I found that my chump change I make at this place people tend to call a job, could actually be stretched and used to an advantage that I never knew it had. All By Myself!!! BUT, in the mist of these 6 months, I have had a little voice in my head. Usually comes through the speakers of my phone. LOL!! And I'm not venting to put anyone on blast, but this just goes to show that you should always listen to yourself, FIRST!!!
My relationship with cars suck!! I have never had a car for more than 5 years. Shit! I've never had a car for 5 years. Yes! If you have been reading, then you would have found out from my previous post that I am a mechanic. You would think, by now I would be like one of those old men with a collection of broken down cars in the backyard (only in the south LOL).
Anywho, my point is... I had this little tink-tink of a Buick. Had some tricks to it, in order to drive. You know the kind... kick the trunk, then run around the car 3 times, mash the gas then put it in drive LMAO!!! Or something like that. The little voice that continued to talk to me through my phone on almost a day-to-day basis convinced me to sell my car. My thoughts, "Hell naw!!, and then what?" Because, as if it wasn't bad enough having to start all over after this major break-up, I still have to get to work and take care of my children which means that I need my tink-tink. Not to mention, my mom's house is nowhere near city limits.
It took a good month or so for this convincing to work. Deal was: I sell my car, use that money to help get on my feet and "the voice" would buy me another car. OK... cool deal. So, with that being said, my road to independence has been harder than I thought it would be. Not that "the voice" didn't know the situation.
So BOOM! "Voice" gets the car! I'm excited! Had a few minor kinks in it to get out and I would be "on the road again". SIKE!!! smh
Now let's go down the list:
* First off, I'm in NC. "the voice" is in MD
* I have to get to MD to get the car
* I don't have a car in NC (duuhh)
* I work
* I have kids, one of which is in school so I can't just get up and go
* I'm on a tight budget
Alrite, game plan time: "Voice" would come to NC to get me to go back to MD to get the car. Alrite... cool deal. NOT!!! Made plans for 4 weekends straight to take this trip that never took place. Oh my!! Frustrated and tired of thinking. So... the final weekend, I am reassured that we are good and read to be sot on go only to find out it's a NO-GO once again. Geez!! Really?! No phone call, no kiss my ass, fuck it.. I'm not giving you the car, changed my mind... NOTHING!!!!
Moral of this story, I should have just stuck by my little tink-tink like I had intended on doing to begin with. Family or not, when you are grown as hell, you can not become dependent on anyone. You are only setting yourself up for heartbreak and misery. And truth be told, they can bring you down lower than you have ever been before. You see, when no one has to endure the trials that you are going through first hand, they will never begin to feel the stress and realizations as to why you handle things the way that you do. These are the reasons I'm stubborn and can really be a bitch about asking people for shit. It's not about pride, it's about I can do without the extras. No one is safe *in my Kevin Hart's voice*. Now that we are at the end of the ropes, fuck the damn car!!! It's not even about the car anymore and it never has been. The thought was nice. However, I could have kept getting my excercise in, in the mornings before work, trying to get the damn thing to crank. I was fine.
Now let's tap into where common sense comes into play. And I admit, BOTH people lacked common sense in this situation. Me and "the voice"! My lack of sense came when I gave into this wack ass idea. I should have known better. Something was telling me through all of the convincing, "no Candi, just keep doing what you have been doing. It will be okay." Instead I let the other "voice" overpower MY little voice in my head that keeps me on the right track. "The voice" common sense lacked full-blown in all aspects. DO NOT commit yourself to a project that you cannot complete. Come up with plans and bright ideas or deadlines that won't be met. Especially when you are a couple hundred miles away. You see, now that I became dependent on this gift that was promised to me, I still lack. My whole routine before and after work now has to be re-adjusted with the new place and someone elses ride, as it has been for the past couple of months now. I'm further in shit than I was with the tink-tink in which I was really content with. Un-be-fucking-leivable!!! What the fuck was I thinking?!! One thing's about it, you definitely learn from your mistakes. Never Again!!
Well bloggers, guess I'll be job hunting because I will definitely need another job to get my own damn car. Until mext time...
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