God Has Spoiled Me

I know, I know... Don't judge me. The randomness has got to stop. I haven't even responded to comments and whatnots on past posts, which I do sincerely apologize for. But I had to squeeze in a few minutes to vent. And who better, than you guys.

So here is the deal... I'm back on my house rampage again. Not only that, But I have set this ultimate retarded goal of shit to get done within the next 2 years. Let me bring you guys up to date. I think this blog is about to turn into a rage of rantings over the next couple of months... maybe even years.

Let's begin with the wack ass 2 year goal. SOOO... Pending "Official" and I are planning on getting married. We have a date set for July 4, 2015. Wedding is 2 years away (and some change), so I figured I would give myself some shit to get done either before or by that time. In just a 3 week time period, the wedding has moved from some random venue in a more metropolitan area here in NC (too expensive), to Jamaica (too expensive for everybody else), back to my family's land here at home (now I have to figure out what the fuck am I going to do with 10 acres of country ass land). I've been rummaging through ideas of the attire for the groomsmen and bridesmaid and being as though, Official's brother has departed, playing dressup with the fellas isn't really all that fun. So, NOW, I'm playing with the idea of J.O.P and maybe a reception.

Ok... so that's 2 years from now. Now, let's rewind back to the present. I'm still waiting to hear back from "the job". Apparently, State employees are trained to keep molasses up their asses and it takes forever (yes up to 2 months or so) just to hear back when your start date will be. Let me mind you, which could also be a month later because they want to start you at the beginning of your pay period. But, I'm no dummy, I have still been applying for other jobs. I didn't take myself out of the game completely. So, with all of that being said, YES!... This is also in my 2 year goal; to get another job. And not just any old job. A decent paying-Mon-Fri-straight 9-5-with benefits having kind of job. Yes my dears. And where I'm from, NO job comes easy. Not even a job at Wal-Mart or McDonalds.

On to the next wack-a-doo thought process. Somewhere in the air, there has been these little voices rummaging around talking about "baby". OMG!! really?!! Mainly, because Official wants to take his chances of trying for a boy. No, this is not a necessity. However, my calculations tell me that if I have a baby this year, that would put my daughter and the little one at 5 years apart just as she and my son are. And that would make my son 10 years apart from the youngest. 5 is like my lucky number or something (I guess), only because my son and daughter are 5 years apart (some bright idea). Anywho, you get where I'm going with this? Right!!! No fucking where!! LOL!! Ok.. on that note, bedroom gyratings have been rather careless (which they always have been, only without the guilt trip about the fact no one pulled out.. or got off?... whatever...). So, basically what I am really trying to do is hurry along my hiring process for A job (not just the one I'm waiting on now), so that if I am or do turn up preggo, I can have my foot in the door before they find out the damage I have done LMAO!!! Go ahead... call me crazy!! I swear I won't get mad. And yes, we have a baby name. LOL!!

Sooooo, I get's slapped in the face again with yet another house that is too perfect for words. The pricing is awesome! The location? Awesome! The size? AWESOME!!! Eveything about is ... is... is just AWESOME!!! Credit is not an issue, so much as being prepared for a down payment just in case they ask. I have the number. The saler is just a phone call away. Actually, lives right down the street from my mom. All I have to do is pick up the phone and ask. But the rejection terrifies me. I have it right here, in finger dialing reach... and I can't bring myself to do it. I've been back to the website over 20 times, maybe more, just to stare at it's walls and yard. Not to mention I have to ride pass there everyday to take and pick my son up from my mom's after school. This makes Day 2 of it being on the market, and I am already having wet dreams about the house: me in it, me sitting on the porch, me doing yard work (you know this had to be a dream), me decorating. Then I awaken to pure disappointment... my shitty ass apartment! uuugghhhh!! My goal to buy a house, I wanted to reach before the end of this year; because the house-buying goal actually started last year.

And by the time, my 2 years is up, I will be living the Black Woman's American Dream. I'll have my house, my good job, with my complete circle of life; my children and a husband in my early 30's. I'm not sure if I am completely insane to actually try my best to get all of these things complete before 2015 or if my blessing's have been so farfetchingly huge, that God has really made a spoiled brat out of me. All I can do is thank him. And whether or not I get these crazy duties complete, I will definitely be back to update you on the latest.

Until next time bloggers....

Interview With The Deceased

When you are at work and you have nothing else better to do, you think. And you think some more, and you think until you become mentally drained. Considering the fact that, I'm a little exhausted with the current events that have been happening in my life, I couldn't help but to run to this site. I wanted to examine these thoughts that I have running through my head... and interview the deceased.

I am a strong believer of the after life. But if you are that person, then it would also make someone wonder why do people still take death so hard. I believe in recognizing the signs given, dreams being had and the shit that just don't happen by a coincidence. I am a believer in faith and the laws of attraction. But most importantly, I believe in God.

You see, if the saying goes as such, "you should cry at birth and rejoice at death", then why is everything so ass backwards? I understand that we miss the people we love in the physical sense; but if you believe that their spirit is with you, then why does it still hurt so bad? What are we really hurting for? Is it the fear of the unknown? We say our loved ones are in a better place, and we truly believe this. But are we really that afraid of dying? So afraid of dying, that we can't stand to see the other person go because we really don't know where they are, what they are doing, or even what they may be going through. *even though we still believe that they are in a better place* How do they feel about all of this? Are they grieving? Whether or not there is still some sort of life left in them even after they have been buried? What does that feel like? Is this like a very deep sleep or does it feel like you are still alive and it's just that no one can see you?

How was the transitioning process? Did you really see a light? Did you hurt at all from the way that you left here? Are we more emotional from the way that a person dies rather than the fact that they are dead? I have never met a person who could stand to see a loved one suffer, and it makes me sick (literally) just to think about something like that. Are we more hurt because we didn't get to spend our last moments together? You see, had I known that it was going to be like this, I would have done this, this and this! Is death meant to set examples and teach us lessons here on Earth? And we all know that when it's your time to go, it's your time to go. And there is no turning back. And even though we say it and preach it, do we really believe that God makes no mistakes?

I strongly believe that life sacrifices are, indeed, what they are proclaimed to be. We think the healing process is the struggle. But I feel that finding the answer to the question, why, is the real struggle. We want to know the real reason why someone had to leave, in the way that they had to leave, and at the time that they had to leave. We all fear the unknown. And what's even more horrifying then that, is that we will never know until we leave to join our lost loved ones.

Until next time bloggers... R.I.Paradise Travis M. Hilliard

AWOL

Where do I begin?

First I would like to apologize to my readers for my disappearing acts. I actually still wasn't going to to write anything today, but I feel I owe everyone an explanation (and apology) because... I mean, I do have followers for a reason. And it has been too long of a time span between my writings.

Life has been in an uproar for the past couple of months. Operation-Buy-A-House failed. It was bad timing anyway and I realize, now, that I have quite a bit of baggage to get rid of before making that step. A few screws that need to be tightened. Nothing major but I know what I need to do. God works in mysterious ways, but I am happy the outcome turned out the way that it did. Because now I can really get my shit together.

As I have been saying up here plenty of times before, I have been searching for a new job. I finally went on an interview. Haven't heard anything back yet though. Dealing with the State does take some time. I have my fingers crossed and am praying for this change. Lord knows, I need it. But whatever happens, I know it was God's will.

My birthday is coming up. Next Monday to be exact. All plans that I began with initially at the start of last year has abruptly gone down the drain. I will be spending my birthday weekend supporting "Pending" in burying his brother. Godspeed, I'm going to assume and hope that I have more birthdays to come. In the meantime, I'll just look forward to a quiet year next year. It's not really all that exciting anymore.

"Pending's" brother... where do I begin? Sort of like my very own brother. *tear* And that is all I have to say about that. *R.I.P my Bloc*

Looking forward to a brighter future. "Pending" and I have been on great terms. He is becoming the man that I need and want him to be. I couldn't be happier. I guess sometimes you have to hit that rocky patch to know just how to smooth the road out. It was a much needed argument/fight/breakup/makeup... I guess it's all about whether or not you are willing to duke it out and we did. Wedding bells are faintly ringing in the air. Looking forward to a destination wedding (Jamaica) in about 2 years time. I think I'm going to have to change his name to "Official" LOL!!! ;)

Superior and Blessing are great!! They're bad as hell and know exactly how to get on my nerves but I wouldn't know how to deal with anything less. They keep me on my toes and what little motivation I do have, comes from them little rascals. We could use a lot of attitude and anger adjustments, but I can't be all that adamant about it being as though they got that part from me... *holds head in shame* Never the less, I love it all at the same rate. It means they won't take shit from nobody (including me). We just need to get some organization about it, somewhere, at some point. They haven't quite figured out how and when to use it. lol

My jail breaks (bailbonding) have been going well. Business isn't booming quite yet. But I do like the fact that I am actually making a difference in people's lives. When you talk to adults like they are adults and assure them that you really care about their well-being and getting their life under control, and that you are not here just for the small cash advance; then you will actually see progression. I actually love my job. No matter what time of the day or night it is, I can be there to help. It's funny how bailbonding is more than just that name; it's counseling and consoling too.

Sense So Common has been on one wack ass break. I've probably had plenty of shit to talk about but just couldn't put it all into words. Or maybe, I've just been too lazy to put my brain to work. Writing is normally my release and instead of me doing what I love to do best, I have been bullshittin' and lolligaggin' around this mofo' as if I'm the only negro whose slave master beats the shit out of them LMAO!!! Don't ask me where that analogy came from. Anywho, I'm not going to make any promises and say that I will be back soon or that I'm going to try and post something at least once a week or even once a month. I'm just gonna say when I return, I'm gon' knock your mutha-lovin socks off!

Until next time bloggers....

VD

Valentine's Day is tomorrow, and I'm trying to figure out what's the point of 1 specific day out of a year where you show the love of your life just how much you really love them. To be honest, I think it's a crock of shit. The myth goes, "people who talk bad about a holiday only bitch and moan because they have no one to share it with." LOL!! Well that's a shitty load too. Excuse me my dear readers as I produce a vicious rant as to why this day is some bullshit.

Maybe it would be all sweet and cute for first timers to celebrate this day. Kissy-kissy and exchanging of the gifts. That's so sweet. But understand that once you get to an age where bullshit is bullshit and the reality of a relationship is how much work and effort that you put in over whatever period of time the 2 of you have been together, then we can talk about something. You should be showing appreciation and love throughout your entire time of togetherness. I mean, let's think about this thing; VD is not what brought you together. You are with one another for whatever reasons the laws of attraction brought you together. So in my opinion, your apprecation should show for those reasons... on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. Or whatever suits your schedule.

Red here, pink there. Hearts, flowers and whatnots. The perfect timing for a mutha'fucka to kiss ass for all the wrong-doing done since last years VD. I'm not buying it and you shouldn't either. In high school it was fun. I was never expecting anything, but being as though I never dated anyone in school, I always received something at the front office because guys who were out of school had a job and time to go pick that shit up. It's an awesome feeling walking around with flowers and teddy bears and candy, and balloons. Basically a bunch of bullshit that kept my attention off my school work. Now that I think about it, it really could have waited until I got home.

Valentine's Day is a VD. It's a 1 day disease. Everyone goes into an uproar like they're itching and shit and just gots to have the cure. "Omg", "It's beeeaauutiful", "Thank you", "I love you", "I'm going to have to do some extra for you tonight...". This is also shit that could have been given at random. At Christmas. Birthday. But nooooo, everyone wants to wait and catch the VD. And by the time the 15th gets here, it's over. Like a quick 2 humps and bust one, you are left to dry. It's over like nothing ever happened. Love me for a day and leave me tomorrow. I think I would rather do without. No one should have to tell or even make us show appreciation to our partners. It's a forceful anticdote placed on those who bullshit throughout the year, and believe it or not, it works... for them.



I'm not a fan of gifts. I'm a fan of moments. If we were taught to create historical moments, then the world would be a better place. Give me a VD I couldn't live without, and I would happily scratch it.

Until next time bloggers....

How To Get Your Girl To Have A 3some

Fellas, I know, I know. I thought that in this day and time, women would have become a little more open-minded to experimenting as far as what goes on in the bedroom. Especially when being in a long term relationship. I guess adding a third party is a bit extreme?! lol, Understandable. I can totally see both sides of everyone's story, although I have my very own side to my story. Well this is not about me and in the meantime, I've had quite a few guys ask me what do they need to do in order to get that ultimate fantasy checked off of their bucket list. I guess 2 women on one dick is almost better than winning a million bucks. Well I'm here to tell you guys that if you haven't already hooked up with the perfect freak, then you are going to have to put in some work. Believe me, I am here to help. If you can't handle the cards you are dealt, then don't play the game.

Guys, you're probably finding that most females don't really "claim" friendship with a lot of other females. If they do, her friend is not the answer. Honestly, they all think that the next bitch is out to get them. True story, lol. It's like a horror film. Women who live under this notion will always be the hardest to break. Anywho, if you are not making your woman feel like she is the one and only, then you should expect a rage of jealousy or issues with being insecure. Which means your answer is and will always be, "NO". Is this your fault? Probably not. But your main goal should be to fix it. A happy woman = a spoiled happy man.

Also fellas, you tend to think that you are Big Billy Bad Asses from time to time. I have to bring you down a notch or two. Cockiness and ego gets you nowhere. *and in that order* If anything, the next bitch should be jealous of what you and your main lady have. If the main boo/wifey doesn't have that feeling of reassurance, and the 2 of you aren't making all the girls jealous every time you guys step out, then "Houston, we have a problem". Roaming eyes, non-introductory conversations that bypass your woman as she is standing next to you, getting missing for longer than the time it takes to get a drink from the bar... big no-no's. You should never feel (nor make her feel) that your woman is a tag-a-long. She should be flaunted as your trophy. Want something to be cocky about? Be cocky about the fact that you got the baddest bitch in the room. Until you can get this right, there is no point to even mention your little fantasy. Because, now it is of no importance. And to be honest guys, if this feeling doesn't come natural to begin with, then maybe you are with the wrong woman and you should just settle for 2 random ass broads that are willing and available. I think we call them kind, hoes, lol. All in all, this whole play of events is a psychological process. Read between the lines.

Strip clubs are golden. If you can get your lady in a strip club, then we are on to some hot shit. First rounds are usually awkward and uncomfortable, however it may turn out to be the time of your life (or hers) once SHE realize how much she really enjoys seeing ass and titties walk pass her. Most women shy away from things they have never been exposed to, thus we have the fear of being looked at as "gay". dun-dun-duuuunnnn. We can also assume the same for people in general. Furthermore, if you happen to be one of those guys who absolutely loves to ball 'til you fall at the strip club (without the wifey), now is not the time to be showing your true colors. So, your favorite dancer, "Sprinkles", is coming on stage next... do not stare. Do not get all awkward because your girl is with you and you feel you can't be yourself. If this is the case, then these sexual ventures weren't cut out for you to begin with. You have to have some type of self-control. Too much excitement can cause your whole dream to go down the drain. You should be laxed and comfortable and your lady shouldn't feel the least bit threatened in her skin. This is the time where we are sitting back and observing your woman's every action.  Because, please believe me when I say that she is observing you. So your position should be just playing it cool. Whatever she asks for, give it to her. Inquiries about lap dances or what a tooter shooter is, VIP; your answer should be, "would you like one?" It's your job to make her feel comfortable in every way possible, while hoping for the possibilities of her "getting loose". These minor experiences need to be experienced together (in reality, they are major to her), and believe me when I say that a simple lap dance is a good way to start. 

Pornos are a good way to bring up conversation about trying new things. If you guys don't watch pornos together, then we really have some work to do, because now you have to get her in the mood just to watch porn with you. smh, sheesh!! Let's just pretend that we are already in the habit, let's try some new genres of porn: girl on girl action... wait for it... wait for it.... 2 men and a woman... wait for it..... 2 women and a man..... wait for it ..... wait for iiitttttt..... Believe it or not, porn is a great conversation piece. Just because you popped in the DVD or pulled it up on whatever site, doesn't mean it's time to get nasty and play "monkey see, monkey do". It's a movie!! Slow your hormones down people!! Take your time and be patient. If you learn nothing else, that tip right there sums everything up in a nutshell. So, right when we are getting into this girl on girl action scene, take note in your girls postitioning and her face. Let's get into this scenery for a good 5 to 10 minutes, because after a while she's going to begin to get uncomfortable anyway. Ask her, "what does she think about it", "would she ever", just throw random questions out there, set up scenes and scenarios that could possibly work out in both you and her favor... y'know... just seeing where her head is at. Never forget that this is NOT about you, and it never will be. The only way anything is going to take effect is if you play by her rules anyway. *shrugs* That's just the way it works. Sorry. And if you don't like it, you can suck it up and keep dreamin.

Last but not least, because this is the most important of them all (and probably should have been first); your line of communication should ABSOLUTELY be on top notch point!! Without it, you are a non-factor in ALL aspects of your relationship and it's heading up Shit Creek anyway. A FORT of trust must be built!! In the beginning, rules have to be set, laws have to be placed, "safe" words established (yes, "pineapples" will due), the whole nine. You need to know where her head is at, and she needs to know what kind of place you are in, at all times. These type of activities aren't meant to take place between weak-minded or jealous individuals. The last thing we need is for an ignorant asshole to get beside themselves and believe that this is going to happen on a regular basis (here comes that ego again). Or worst, run away with the third party.  Dummy!! you just fucked yourself in the ass!! That brings mind to another post: "Why you shouldn't wife the "other" chick". (Random) Everything should be done together. And your boo is the one who should be the one picking the girl, unless you guys have some other type of weird arrangement. Even if the trust and communication is established, she needs all rights on the forefront. It's her call.

Don't make this out to be a special project/chore/job. The fun part is and should be the journey. To be honest, not everyone get's the experience they've always dreamed of. But whatever you do, always remember that safe sex is the best sex. If you make it to your big day, the big box of magnums is the best choice.

I think that will do for now. Any questions, feel free to comment below. Ladies, if you're feeling some type of way, it probably means you want it and won't admit it, LOL!! On another note, ladies I'll be back to give you tips on how to get your man to get kinky (without a threesome).

Until next time bloggers...

Up 4 Discussion Presents...

A Cheater’s Sorrow: How Technology Advancements Broke a Cheater’s Heart


You have gots to come join me on Up 4 Discussion to discuss this topic. Here I talk about all of the ol' skool cheater techniques before all of the new found technology advances we have concurred. From pagers to *69'ing, LOL!! The things we use to do back in the day, aye?!

Don't forget, I'm not the only lounging around picking my brain for the next topic to be Up 4 Discussion. There are plenty other casting members as well. Be sure to check out Jay and all the U4D fam and let's discuss.


Until next time bloggers...

A Cheater’s Sorrow: How Technology Advancements Broke a Cheater’s Heart

Cold Feet

What is your idea of marriage? Would your expectations BEFORE making a vow to and before God still be the same after all is said and done? You did/want to get married for a reason, right? Or are we banking on POTENTIAL and expecting a lot more than what was being given before you decided to make the leap down the aisle? I'm sure that everyone has different expectations. BEFORE the numptials, you expect this, this and this? AFTER the numptials, we need to be doing this, this and that? and VOILA! Marriage is then fulfilled... o_O But out of everything, I honestly believe the only thing we can confirm is that everyone who is with someone chooses to be with that person because, apparently, that particular person makes them balanced (in some form, so to speak). Are you following me?

Everyday, I have a tendancy to analyze what my reasons are for wanting to be married. If and when I do, I wonder what statistic would I fall under come years ahead. Is it even safe to still wonder what the future would hold after I have committed myself? Isn't that a sign of doubt? Or should I be feeling confident that these pondering moments should be the least of my worries? I got this in the bag or am I headed straight for a title of divorcee or will I be falling along the lines of that "ol school-shonuff-unbreakable" bond like they had back in the day. Y'know... G-ma and dem! Am I being lenient when it comes down to my standards? Maybe I've built up too much immunity and high tolerance for bullshit. Could I fulfill what is being expected of me? I have to admit, I can be a stubborn ass from time to time. That's bitch-stubborn not baby-stubborn, there's a difference. And with me knowing my flaws, could I ever align them to where I'm not feeling like I'm being backed into a corner, shadowed, embaressed and/or defeated? I like to save face (mine), and therefore I just don't deal. <~ yes, this is my problem area, lol!

Advice, whether from married couples or even single people, can be rather confusing. You understand the point they may have made, but you also have to understand the position that YOU are in and whether or not you would like to apply that advice to your way of thinking and reacting. I would love to go into a union feeling safe. Knowing that "I" as in "me" no longer exist and is considered a more plural format. No matter what, my partner got me. I nor he has a thing to worry about because we already know what the other is thinking. You are probably thinking, "duuuhhh, that's a given". But believe me when I say that not everyone catches on to the "we", not "I", conversational format. Not everyone believes that the family they CHOSE to unionize with, are suppose to be the ones that become their first and main priority. Yeah they're in love and blah blah, but let them have to pick and choose between movie night at home with wife and kids or a night at King of Diamonds with the fellas. Even I would choose the King of Diamonds, but I balance is key which means there is a time and place for everything. KOD tomorrow night. First things first... movie night it is. These are the things that scare me shitless. I can't deal with being in second place when already handed the first place trophy. Sounds strange, doesn't it? Caught up in a situation like this, just call me a runaway bride.

Friendships are far more of a necessity than most people think (IMO). I'm a little short-handed on said "friends", so if you knew me personally, you would know exactly what I mean: loner/introvert. On top of that introduction, that still wouldn't make you my friend *shrug* Sorry, it's a trust thing. Anyways, a person could easily fix their mouth to say that so-and-so is my bestie. My first response would be, "really?!" Then I'm wondering what does a best friend consist of? If your best friend was of the appropriate gender to your liking, would you or could you marry them? There is a reason for this question, just give me a sec. In a perfect world, I'm sure that we would all want to marry a person that matches our persona, which most best friends usually fit a simple description of I would assume. Perfect example of match made in Heaven, right? So let me put this scenario out there to you because I'm feeling like I may have lost you somewhere: you meet someone, you get to know one another (however you see fit), you began to do things that most people don't do in "couple form" (<~ made that up), you then become girlfriend and boyfriend or gf/gf or bf/bf (whatever floats your boat) Point is, nowhere in stating your new found title of "exclusivity" does anyone make claims of being best friends. Kind of makes me wonder... hmmmm.... Only because I'm looking forward to marrying my best friend. Am I asking for a lot yet?

In addition and also to conclude my random rantings, FYI, I hate materials in excess; excessive clothing, shoes. Excessive paperwork. I like to rid myself of any unnecessary wastes. Excessive stresses that I have a choice to live with or without, guess where it goes? Here we go, another problem area for myself. So ready and too quick to say "fuck it". I can't sign any type of paperwork with this mentality. Because if we rewind back through the expectations that I just stated in this blog, I'm finding that I may not even contain these same qualities because I'm not so sure as to exactly what it is that I am looking for to help me get over the trust factor. I mean... that would sum all of these other things up in a nutshell, right?

But yet, I'm looking forward to a Team "Us". In a state of confusion, are we? o_O

Until next time bloggers...